DD was only 5 weeks old at the start of lockdown. I was already suffering with postnatal anxiety and I have a history of OCD.
I didn't cope very well at the start of lockdown.
Due to underlying health conditions (mild asthma, psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis)
I've convinced myself that if/when I get Covid I will most certainly die.
DH has been working from home and with the exception of the Drs and pharmacy, neither of us have been to any public places for months.
I've always taken DD out for walks and over the past month we've been going to the park, I've had my mum over in the garden.
As little as those things sound, they are huge accomplishments for me.
The problem is, I feel so ready to do more, but fear is stopping me.
I have a lovely group of antenatal friends, a cousin who had her baby 6 weeks before me, and a sister in law who had her baby 5 weeks ago.
Equally at the start they were all very anxious, didn't leave the house and all felt scared.
However, now they all seem to be moving on very quickly and their anxieties have subsided.
My antenatal friends have suggested several meet ups but I've yet to go along.
I want to, really I do, but I'm still as scared now as I was back in March.
A couple of the girls have been to the hairdressers, and to their parents houses, it makes me feel so bad that the most I've managed is the park and my mum in the garden!! 😞
My days are beginning to feel very repetitive, get up, shower, go for a walk, play with the baby, have tea, bath baby, go to bed.
I feel so desperate to get out, I'm such a social person and I love being around people, but my fear is stopping me.
I don't want DD to spend her days in the house, I want her to be out.
It doesn't help that in my area there are 15-20 new cases daily for the past week or so (population 300,000) which to me feels like a lot of new cases!!
I'm having CBT for anxiety and OCD and feel it's definitely helping, but it worries me that I will never be able to resume any kind of normality whilst ever Covid is around, and realistically I know this could be years, perhaps forever!
I have really good days where I feel positive and confident, I felt pretty positive a few days ago and I text a few of my antenatal friends and have arranged an outdoor meet up next week!!
But then I read stories of people who have caught Covid but don't know where from as they don't go out much, then the fear comes back and I want to stay in.
I'm considering cancelling the meet up but I know I need to go.
The girls have been seeing their families and friends and it does worry me about the contact they've had with other people.
I'm seriously so envious of people that are resuming some kind of normality.
I'm still living with the same worries and fears I had in March. 😞