Lockdown depression anyone else?

[Vampyhooch]

Hi

Since the pandemic I’ve been feeling really depressed. Nothing makes me happy anymore. It started off ok but as the weeks have gone on I’ve got more and more depressed and just feel trapped. Not enjoying life at all at the moment. Suffered terrible anxiety and just going through the motions. When the time comes to go to bed it’s a relief sometimes but even then I toss and turn most of the night.

Can anyone relate?

...jumped in the car today - had enough of being banished in the house and the thought that 1st August is still a lifetime away was just too too much - I burst into tears immediately and bawled my eyes out for around 10 minutes..... dangerous driving probably wouldn't cover it...

Can't think of much positive at the moment - maybe when the Sun starts shining again...

I've read an article in the guardian that COVID can affect the brain long term
I was ok and getting on with it all , but this has made me think again.
It feels very unsettling.

I think sometimes these things can happen rarely but not in everyone, maybe the media dramatise things sometimes. Not sure though. Also, might not be permanent. Things heal.

I am getting fed up of feeling guilty the DC are stuck at home and not doing much with them. DH just left saying try and do something with them today don;t just stay on the computer. But it can be stressful going out and they are too old for the playpark and bored with walks. I felt quite cross could he not be more understanding rather than just making me feel worse / more guilty. They should be in school not on screens but that is not my fault- the school work is on screens. Argh.

My mental health is taking a dive.

I feel caught between a rock and a hard place.

Some of it is a bit like a kind of post natal depression or "overwhelm," with a toddler and a 7 year old, not being able to go to the loo by myself etc.

If I wasn't clinically vulnerable I and they'd be back at nursery/school.

On top of that (I'm a teacher) trying to process guidance for schools going back etc is stressful as it seems very unclear for my personal role which is more contact that a class teacher, plus being clinically vulnerable. I'm sure there's going to be no difference but I know I am still at significant risk of an asthmatic exacerbation if I catch it. I've had enough bad experiences with viruses and asthma in the last few years as it is; and trying to look after children at the same time is exhausting.

I fully agree with schools going back, I want to go back as I'm finding it hard with the children, but I can't ignore the very real and perfectly reasonable concerns I have.

That sounds very stressful Neurotrash

I don't know, is it? I then admonish my self for being a wuss and I'm not a nurse in hospital etc.

It's only been recently when I've heard others, who aren't clinically vulnerable, talking about their own fears or that they now think things are safer, that this has affected me. They sounded as if they had been more scared than I'd been. So then I felt unsure how I was 'supposed' to feel.

I think it's also partly that I've already had experience of very bad viruses and asthma. I fear them every winter anyway.

Shit weather doesn't help and kid's screen time has gone through the roof.

We were told it was to give the NHS chance to catch up and flatten the curve. The kids should have been back to school after Easter and the lockdown should only have lasted 3 weeks - 6 at most.
This -totally agree.

I feel trapped in a job I hate. I'm fit and healthy and am a single parent but DS is 14 so I could do most work or hours, but scared of moving from a permanent job right now. I hardly have any happy human interaction at work then come home to a teenager who doesn't want to do anything with me or talk to me. Antidepressants do nothing for me, likely because it's always been either situational or existential. I need out.

I really thought at the beginning that schools would be closed for just 3 weeks.
Just glad mine is one that can go back

I left teaching due to stress, years ago, felt guilt over that too as did the training, had a nursery etc. I just found it too hard to combine with a family too, could only just manage previously. I did tuition for a while which was quite lucrative..there are other options and you aren't a 'wuss'. With shielding children there may be options for online tuition and work as well. If that suits better. Although still children going back- same here and DH in the immune suppressed group too. It is stressful and I guess we need to be kind to ourselves.

family, not 'nursery' not sure where that came from!

The issue I think is the sheer length of time this is going on for, I started out okay(ish) wobbly and scared, but with lots of ideas and energy for dc. As the weeks turn into months, and the seasons change and we are still trapped in this hybrid of new rules and not quite normal, I am finding it really quite horrendous.

It is like a life but with no pleasure whatsoever, all the things I love doing are still off limits with no end in sight. My old life seems to be a distant memory, and whilst I am happy that others are out enjoying themselves again in bars, but I don't feel I can join them because I owe it to my children to be as safe as possible.

I have always had good mental health, so I am assuming everyone is feeling like this at varying levels depending on prior MH and life circumstances.
We should get help if we need it, and if we are hobbling along without support I think there is some comfort from realising that we have lost 45,000 people in the UK, and we have all been through a hell of a lot. Cut ourselves some slack, if we cry then that is totally normal don't you think? After all, this has been like a horror movie from start to finish, and I think many of us are still in shock, some are further along the journey of acceptance. Some people are still in denial.
Extreme kindness to ourselves, to others, time to process what has happened and allow ourselves to feel the emotion and fear, and be okay with allowing that to come out. We owe it to ourselves to say validate those feelings, after all who could through the last four months and feel totally fine with it?!

Thanks orange those are kind words and I'm sorry you also found it tough.

Yes this is on top of the normal stress that comes with school environments. I've had burn out so many times it's normalised. Though some of those pressures may be relived due to the current restrictions. All staff are under stress as everyone is everywhere.

What I am really trying to say is that I think it is normal, to a point, to feel these feelings. To feel sad, tearful, angry and upset. At no point in our lives or those of older generations have we had to endure such a frightening and awful situation to this degree, and although we may be the 'lucky' ones (i.e not in an ICU bed fighting for life) it is still extremely hard to live with, we can pretend it is okay, but actually this is NOT okay. None of this is okay.
We are all trying our best to be level headed, responsible and work our way through the stress of it, but we do not need to pretend. So you cry, wail and let it out. All of it until you can't cry anymore. Have a hug or hug yourself folding your arms over yourself. Tell yourself how far you have already come, remind yourself that restrictions are easing - things will get better. It will pass eventually.

Really good advice Pigeon999

Yes pigeon.

On better days advice in a Ted talk really helps me; essentially it was around the fact that crap stuff happens and we won't always feel happy (as you put much better). It's ok to be anxious.

Then to try to and recognise the "at leasts," any sort of tiny positive. So, at least I've been able to see my youngest grow daily for 3 months, from a non talker to a chatter box. And try to identify 3 or more at leasts daily.

And then, is this helping? Is it helping to look at figures? (Sometimes it might) And all sort of other behaviours.

I haven't suffered from depression before but I find myself increasingly distant and unmotivated from work and any of the limited social interaction we can have.

I haven't used the lockdown time to the extent I planned; clearing the house, decorating, gardening, reading. It's not that I’ve done nothing, but I haven't got where I planned to be.
I have sat just musing in the garden during the fine weather. I have been telling myself that it's good for my mental health, particularly since I'm off the roller coaster that is my usual work life.
And I have watched a lot of lectures on TED and YouTube.

It has also hit me over the last few days that my vague plans for shelving my normal activities until some unspecified time in the future are unrealistic.
Herd immunity is unachievable, according to a recent article in the Lancet and the jury is out on immunity or vaccines.
I don't know what may be safe about seeing my children and grandchildren, who live some distance away and abroad, respectively.
I may never be able to go to the large multinational conferences (not work) I used to attend 2/3 times yearly.
I may never be able to attend the fortnightly group meetings, theatre (if any survive), cinema, concerts...
I don't think it will be safe for me to return to work.

I am making plans for an alternative life, retirement/redundancy, a socially distant friendship group, more Zoom meetings, without a great deal of enthusiasm.
But I am trying to “count my blessings”, of which there are many.

I was going to start a new yoga group which are meeting in the ark this week but have not made up my mind yet...and then saw it was full! I miss the swimming and doing something for myself, and the children being at school so I didn't feel trapped and guilty.

It feels like the feeling at the end of the holidays when you are ready for them to go back now as you need a break. But the holidays haven't even started yet. I will try and let go of some of the guilt for them e/g/ being on screens quite a bit as these are not usual times.

. I will try and let go of some of the guilt for them e/g/ being on screens quite a bit as these are not usual times.

yes I've had to do that the last two weeks. Rubbish weather hasn't helped. Winter will be tough.

My plan this week was to try to get outside for walks more. In a way the early lockdown routine of going out for your daily walk forces you to do so. It was a priority and almost a treat.

The simplicity was lovely actually.

We've been out twice today and I feel so much better (it's not rained which has helped!) sod 'home school' (and I'm a teacher!)

We have stopped the schooling now, it is nearly 'summer holidays' anyway. I agree simple aims are good!

Argh- DH cross this morning going on about how ti can't continue like this, DC on screens all the time, like being retired, while he goes to work. Seems to feel it is all my fault. But this is not a choice. I feel angry that he seems to be taking it out on me.

Yesterday I overheard a huge row from the flat downstairs, couple there and the woman leaving after.

In a way I would prefer to leave the house and go to work too to be honest!

The new yoga class starts today but not sure I can face doing that in the park. I miss my old gym class. I'm just so tearful and low. Even with the prozac. Sorry for the pity party I know others have things much worse.

Hello all. I know this thread hasn’t been active in a while but thought I’d post just in case anyone is still there. How are you all feeling? I’m almost 35 weeks pregnant with DC2 and feeling low. It’s been a stressful pregnancy as the 20 week scan detected some brain abnormality so have had to have lots of consultant scans (some alone due to covid). Our last appointment was very positive and I know I should be thankful for that but I still feel very down.

I miss seeing my friends and family properly. I am a very sociable person and this just doesn’t feel like a natural way to live. My 2 year old is going to have to stop nursery until baby is born as they keep having covid cases there which means he now won’t see any other children really either. Keeping him entertained at home all the time is hard/ impossible but the only option is freezing cold walks outside.

I don’t even physically go to work now as I’m a teacher. To be honest, the thought of having a newborn and toddler with no baby groups or ability to see friends and family is filling me with dread. I had PND with DS1 after a traumatic delivery and was so hoping that this time things would be better (planned section this time as a result). DH is working from home and will get paternity leave so again I know things could be worse and I should be thankful but it doesn’t change the way I feel.

Sorry that was a bit of a stream of consciousness. Just needed to get it all out there.

Have a hug Momma. If you're 35 weeks now, by the time baby comes, and you get through those first crazy weeks we'll be pushing in towards spring and the easing of restrictions. It will be better than it is right now.

I struggled late pregnancy and a toddler, admittedly it wasn't lockdown, but I was on crutches with SPD, in constant burning pain, struggling to get a toddler with undiagnosed ASD out and it was a long, hard winter with lots of cycles of snow and ice. Getting out was hard. By the time I felt human and ready to engage with society, it was summer.

We had lots of TV/ DVD time. When I felt alive again, I used a timer on the TV to cut back on the TV time. He never was a do-with-child, a meltdown everytime.

Yes and it's collided with PND so is a fucking picnic.