Can’t keep going any longer. Handing in notice.

[Tethersend01]

After 3 month of trying to juggle WFH as a specialist Nurse, with caring for two kids neither of who is ‘easy’ and my husband being at work 50+ hours per week, I have finally reached my breaking point. Can’t do anything well enough and my mental health is now suffering badly.
Kids not getting any semblance of ‘homeschooling’ and with no prospect of a return to school anytime soon I am done in.
The NHS will have one less experienced nurse in one of most challenging and short staffed specialities but I feel its leave or have a breakdown myself. Im sure I’m not the only one.

Your younger child's school sounds awful to give that sort of feedback given the current circumstances. As a specialist nurse and mum you are more than intelligent enough to make the assessment as to whether there's an issue there. I'd echo the advice to get signed off if you feel you may make a rash decision at this time; there's absolutley no shame in feeling you need to take a breather right now.

Completely away from the topic, but how does a nurse work from home?

You’re entitled to 4 weeks per year of unpaid parental leave per child. Could you ask for that first instead of handing in your notice? I’m sorry it has come to this for you.

I would suggest you get signed off with stress and think about the options before rushing into anything.

Op I really feel for you, I really do. Please don't throw away your career that you'll have studied hard for because of this mess.

Go off with stress, parents break anything just don't throw away everything you have worked for.

To the poster who said how does a nurse work from home?
Our community team has a tiny office so we are all working from home as much as possible so as to maintain social distancing. The downsides of this are many, we are not there to support each other, we are potentially putting our families at Increased risk of infection, communication is harder.
You have my sympathy OP.
If you really cannot cope, consider the possibility that you may have a stress or anxiety related illness and go off sick if need be.
You might feel much better if you can rest.
Also the Headspace app is free for NHS staff now. I've not used it but others in my team have.

SoosanCarter, is that really helpful in any way? I'm a massive grammar pedant, but that's just being unpleasant and rude to someone who is clearly struggling.

I've read a few threads similar to this one now, and I feel desperately sad and frustrated for the parents (mothers) and children being so badly affected. I retired at 55 and am now seriously considering becoming a child minder to help out families such as yours OP. Have you considered a child minder or nanny?

How many days a week do you work?

Yes I was thinking the same @erndincum I’m being unemployed and I was thinking that I have a few hours a day I could child mind.... but I think people are too concerned about the virus.

Op, I feel your pain. Except I am a teacher. I too am strongly considering handing in my notice this week. In fact my mind is pretty much made up. I have worked my bollocks off these last four months; given up my holidays and I’ve been made the scapegoat by politicians for their shitty decisions. I can’t tolerate it any more. I’ve discussed this with my husband and he’s very supportive. It’ll leave my school another teacher down and for the first time in my life, I couldn’t give a shit. I want to stay home; clean my house; cook healthy meals for when my family get in; exercise and live a stress-free life for a change,

yes, I am not far behind you OP. I am an NHS doctor working in mental health. ALso now trying to simultaneously home educate my children. My job has become unrecognisable and I detest it - telehone and video consultations , all the team working form home, microsoft teams meeting, not wearing a bloody mask all day every day even when not with pateints, guidance chaging every 5 minutes. Then on top pf theat trying to manage the metal health of my own teenagers who are becoming more deposndent by the day, trying to motivate and support them to do their online work.
I am faliing at it all. I am consrantly exhausted, iriitable and tearful. and the worst thing is there is no end in sight. the work situation seems to be getting worse, not better. No commitment or plans to get children back in school full time in Septemeber. I simply cant go on like this.
We already had a massive recruitment problem in psychiatry and have been 2 doctors down since Jan and unable to recruit. I know quite a few who are planning on leaving now due to the current situation and I imagine this will be replicated across many NHS proefssions.

now wearing a bloody mask, not not! ^

I feel similar OP. I took on a new part time job the week before lockdown.
I have worked innumerable extra hours just to get the job done and clear up the mess I inherited. I've explained everything to my boss but she is dismissive.

I've stopped doing any extra hours now. I'm angry with myself and resentful.

GP and lone parent here. Echo what weepingwillow said. Fed up, stressed and virtually no job satisfaction. All I can see is how much worse work will be going into autumn and winter.
I have to leave yr8 DC alone for hours at a time ( no way can I pursuade to go into school- no friends going). Fortunately I work P/T but that's still longer hours than in a 'normal ' job and out the house 4 days/week.
Fuckwit ex has never contributed a penny, doesn't have DC overnight and sees for a few hours a week when it suits him.
I'd leave work tomorrow if I could ( but would miss our lovely Practice team).
Teen unmotivated and I'm not home in the mornings to cajole out of bed etc. I have not supervised a single bit of home schooling.
Feeling increasingly resentful of friends with 2 parents WFH.
Phew...hadn't realised how much I needed to ventilate

TethersEnd01, you and everyone in the same position deserve so much better than this. I’m sorry I don’t know how to help.

I am appalled by the shambles our government’s incompetence has inflicted on you, on the kids without schooling, on the 60,000 dead and all those mourning them, on all the little businesses that will be bankrupted ... That’s not about party politics, as I would have been praising Johnson and his crew to the skies if they had taken effective action.

Can anyone suggest any way the rest of us can help, other than directly helping individuals we happen to know eg with childcare or shopping?

I genuinely had not considered how on earth people WFM are home schooling their children !
what a lot of stress you must be under.
i hope you have got some support from this thread op, and others.

WFH and home schooling is a nightmare, throw in a preschooler and my head just about explode at the thought.

What families are being asked to do is not sustainable in any shape or form.
Before going on furlough I was working evening's and DH during the day.
Quality of life was shit.
Quality of schooling was shit.
Both our stress levels was mental.
Kids were suffering because of it.
We coped for 4 weeks but it was in no way sustainable in any shape or form.
My 9yo isn't great in school and can't afford to slip further behind.

I'm due to come back off furlough, because if I don't I won't have a job to return to. The work needs done.
I'm really glad that I only work part time but really not looking forward to the stress.

Huge thanks to everyone here. You have done so much more than you should have had to. All I can do is thank you and wish you well.

I've emailed my MP, signed petitions and donated to a PPE crowdfunder. I wear a mask when I go out, to cut down the risk of infecting anyone else if I have a symptomless infection. Is there any other way anyone can suggest to help?

Obviously it depends on whether you can afford it or not but would you consider taking some unpaid leave? You have worked so hard for your role and I'm sure you would get another one when you decide the time is right for you but seems a shame to vacate. Or as others have suggested if you are feeling so stressed every day and your employment is adversely affecting that then it is maybe time to speak to your GP?

Another option depending on whether you actually fancy it is maybe leave but bank a couple shifts a week on a ward? Would mean that you wouldn't have to think of your NMC hours and could pick what works around your child? I recently qualified and find 2 shifts a week totally manageable compared to full time and a lot of the girls that are full time actually find that when they switch to 9-5 they actually lose some take home pay from losing unsociable hours payments even if their banding has increased.

ripping my child and me to shreds for his ‘underachievement’ on the remote learning platform

What did it say?

My reply would’ve been along the lines of:

“I agree that we have managed to complete less work than has been set. It was always going to be a difficult decision; do we prioritise a salary to keep a roof over our heads and food in our mouths, or should we put twinkl first instead. Unfortunately the immediate need for a salary, shelter, food and some sleep (only sometimes of course) won out. When I find myself with a spare 6 hours in the day that I am not working to provide these things, I will revisit your request as I am sure it will then be more achievable”.

Well ok, I might have worded it more professionally!

Definitely go off sick with stress. Buy yourself some time. You’ve got nothing to lose.

You can have four weeks unpaid parental leave for each child each year up to a maximum of eighteen weeks across their childhoods.

Why not start by applying for eight weeks unpaid parental leave and see how you feel after that.

This is what I'm thinking of doing if schools aren't back in a meaningful way come September. I've got a bit of a plan in place for holidays but I can't cope beyond that.

Women taking on the burden as usual. :/

I'm sorry that you're having such a struggle OP. Where is your husband in all this?

DH and I are both NHS doctors, I'm part time (GP), he's full time (Hospital Consultant, front-line speciality). He moved to shift work during the initial COVID changes in March, and simply told the rota maker in his department that he wasn't available on the days I work. He does the homeschooling on the days when I'm at work, I do the days he is at work, and we split the homeschooling (and housework) on the remaining days. Home schooling is hard going, school have given little to no guidance or contact re education, and DS has struggled with the lack of social contact too, but the three of us are in this together.
Balancing all this isn't just your responsibility, it's your DH's responsibility too!

Please don't resign when you're feeling this burned out. Take some annual leave and/or sick leave, give yourself chance to get back on an even keel before making any big, life changing decisions like quitting your hard-earned career. Trust me, I've been there and got that particular T-shirt!