Can’t keep going any longer. Handing in notice.

[Tethersend01]

After 3 month of trying to juggle WFH as a specialist Nurse, with caring for two kids neither of who is ‘easy’ and my husband being at work 50+ hours per week, I have finally reached my breaking point. Can’t do anything well enough and my mental health is now suffering badly.
Kids not getting any semblance of ‘homeschooling’ and with no prospect of a return to school anytime soon I am done in.
The NHS will have one less experienced nurse in one of most challenging and short staffed specialities but I feel its leave or have a breakdown myself. Im sure I’m not the only one.

@TriangleBingoBongo and others who have been told you can’t access childcare...

I hit a low point about a month ago. Called the local authority and said what we were being asked to do couldn’t be right. Said I was genuinely worried that something would happen whilst DC ran wild whilst we tried to work. We come under the critical worker definition but both wfh so the school said we don’t qualify.
The local authority were really helpful and got the school to back down.

Those of you struggling who are key workers it’s worth a try - schools are interpreting the criteria differently to how it was intended.

If you don’t need the money, it makes sense to quit surely.

I feel the same. Dc education really suffering. Working really long hours in stressful job. Everyone’s mental health suffering.

Do you want to quit for other reasons or lockdown stress only?

Why can you not split childcare and earning with your husband - 25 hours a week each? NHS consultant careers are hard earned...

From one CNS to another
I was already looking at my career options before covid but it has really reinforced my want to leave the NHS and retrain!

i am sorry tethersend.
can you re-read the email from the school, you said it was ripping you, are you just reading it very subjectively?
ignore the email.
tomorrow is another day.
can you take annual leave?

Where is your husband in this?

what is your notice period?
i think you should take some form of leave

Have you thought about speaking to your gp and asking for sick leave? It'll give you a bit of time to get back on your feet and recharge your batteries. It sounds like you're at your wits end.

The discrepancy and inequality between schools in this country is unacceptable and a disgrace!

Local schools here have accepted children of key worker full time, even when the other parent was a SAH parent! Nothing wrong with it, except the fact that other keyworkers with no SAH parent haven't got the same offer.

Sorry to hear this OP, I think everyone would understand though, what else can you do? In your field hopefully you would not find it hard to get work again when the school and child care situation changes.

True Fleur my relative is part time key worker with other parent wfh and they have been offered full time school for their dc if they want it. They haven't taken as dc are teens and not even in need of childcare but option was there.

I'm finding school to lack empathy too. They send my child things like make a documentary when that is something that they would do over a few sessions at school with all the planned resources etc and expect it in. I definitely think you need to explain your circumstances to them. We have had similar poorly judged messages and I've had to send one back, sorry he didn't do this piece of work as he was at school that day .

I suspect a lot of NHS staff will have been earning and not taking holidays or spending, so a career break or break to retrain will be affordable. I personally am torn between handing my notice in and not wanting to throw my colleagues and patients under a bus because we will be expected to get through the backlog over the next few months. Goodness knows what we are going to do over the school holidays. No key worker provision, no holiday club, and no childminder.

I would suggest:
Seeing if any other days would suit your son better, peers-wise
Using all your annual leave
Taking unpaid parental leave
Make all that stretch as far as you possibly can before you quit. In the current climate a job is worth holding on to.

Can you sign off sick with stress? As you said, your mental health is buckling under the strain.

Then at least you have the option to return when things improve, as they hopefully will in Sept.

OP this sounds so shit, I’m so sorry.

Please ring the local authority to see if they can help?

Sending strength

Ask yourself, how many hours of actual teaching has your child had since schools closed? Mine hasn't had any, has yours?

From me, or her school? None from the school (she's early years, it's all 'make a cake', pretty much none from me either. Ah well.

Sorry to hear this OP. Lots of ideas on here. I hope you’re able to find a solution. You’ll have worked hard to get to be a CNS and must be minimum Band 6. If you hand in your notice will you regret it in a years time? As other have said, parental leave or sick leave or would your manager support you dropping your hours for a period of time? Good luck.

This is shit, I really feel for you OP and others in similar positions.

I wonder if any men are considering giving up their jobs because they can't juggle work and childcare. I haven't seen any mention.

Legally You will still have to work a notice period? It would be quicker if you just get signed off with stress, take some time and go back when you are ready. Try not to throw away a hard earned career, it happened to me and I have never caught up with (Male) colleagues.

Can you have a friendly talk with the school about the under achievement thing you wrote about? Can they help?

Did you speak with your GP re. burnout and stress? If you cannot drop hours - take time off to think and regroup. I expect there will be a sharp increase in NHS staff having to take time off over the next months - we all can run on adrenaline only for a limited time.
Take care of yourself.

I was told that you can only access key worker childcare if you’re not WFH

The guidance has actually been relaxed (at least in some council areas) so that more people are now classed as key workers who are eligible for school places.

My friends school took on a lot more key worker children last week due to the change.

So do find out and try out if this is the case for you too.

It sounds like a really tough time.

What are your husband's options to reduce hours or take leave to look after his children?

OP that's an awful response from DS's school! I work at a school and we have some keyworker children in and some vulnerable children, but it has been said right from the start that the provision is childcare not schooling. Those who are staying at home are hopefully doing as much as they and their families can manage to maintain their learning from the point we went into lockdown, but no-one is being taught new stuff because there would be such a discrepancy in knowledge once they all go back.

Some children will do nothing throughout lockdown - perhaps because they or their parents aren't engaged, perhaps because the parents are working and children can't or won't work alone, perhaps lack of computers to access the work - there will be a range of issues and a variety of levels of work being done by all children. Our school is totally aware of all this and being as helpful and encouraging as possible, but would never 'blame' a parent if for any reason a child wasn't doing some/any of the work set. That's just appalling, especially given your circumstances! Please ignore, or call them out, and don't take it to heart!