Young baby and no furlough after maternity leave - any advise please?

[CowgirlBride]

I am currently on maternity leave and will have to return to work when my SMP ends at 39 weeks. I am employed by a council and have asked HR if there is the possibility of me being furloughed. They have told me that no employees within the council have been furloughed so this is not an option.
New guidance has just come out to say that employees that are on leave such as mat leave can still be furloughed after the deadline of 10th June but with the clause only if their employer currently has employees that have already been furloughed. And obviously this doesn’t apply.
I am completely devastated as I had looked at the furlough criteria and just assumed they would go “young baby, no childcare, off you pop on furlough”. I realise now that this was incredibly naive of me, but I can’t do anything about that now.
Childcare placements are still few and far between and even if that were an option I have serious concerns about doing that at this point (DS never been looked after by anyone other than me and DH let alone left in a setting, nor had any socialisation with other children in lockdown, so may not cope. Also DH cares for disabled adults who will absolutely die if he carries CV to them)
I feel I’ve been left with no other option than to say I’ll return to work and try and work from home. It’s either that or unpaid leave - which isn’t really an option at all.
DS will only be 8 months old and is currently all about mummy (not helped by lockdown) and I can’t even go to the loo or make a cuppa without him grizzling that I’m not with him. (Sometimes he even does it when I’m in the room with him if I’m not giving him 100% attention, as I’m sure other mum’s can sympathise)
My job will basically be making phone calls and doing admin, and apparently there are online team meetings. DH works full time but there may be times when he is here to support depending on how his shifts fall but I’m imagining it will mostly be me on my own trying to get by. I’m just picturing me trying to make phone calls or do online meetings whilst DS cries his eyes out in the background. He’s not really big enough to be left to entertain himself - he is starting to play independently but it doesn’t last very long before he wants me again. And obviously I can’t say to him “sorry mummy is on the phone right now” (like you might perhaps be able to do with an older child.)
I also worry that if I’m working that means that I won’t even be able to do things like take DS for a walk during working hours and he’s just gonna be stuck in which seems so unfair on him. (Sorry if that sounds ridiculous but I feel like that’s the only bit of normality/socialisation I can give him. It’s not great but it’s the best I can do at the moment)
Has anyone else been put in this position with their employer with a young baby who could offer some support/pearls of wisdom? I already mourning the loss of my maternity leave as we have just been stuck at home and I feel like I have let DS down. I keep crying cos feel that I will now be “neglecting” him in order to try do my work!

It will all be ok in the end 💐.

@Laaf80 the was because I dont know in what way you thought your baby/toddler would have been cared for using SD?

Read that original post - I wasn’t advocating social distancing for babies/toddlers. I asked ‘or are they letting the children be as normal’.

I was asking what SD measures were in place, that doesn’t mean I would desire them.

I wanted peoples experiences.

Other’s clearly understood and kindly answered my question, so again, there’s no need for your critical tone.

Have you considered using last year's holiday entitlement to return to a three or four day week to reduce some stress?

Hi, I'm in a similar situation. I've been able to take one month unpaid leave as our savings can help support us, if we are careful and I'm taking 4 weeks annual leave to get up to 47 weeks with my baby- he will be 10.5 months when I go back to work.

I'm going part time and my employer does have a nursery for our children but I don't want him with so many people right now. I've found a childminder who I'm meeting next week in her garden. She's happy to do settling in sessions as well to help. Baby hasn't been without my husband and I and I'm worried. This childminder wasn't my first choice but isn't anyone I would avoid either. Yes it's been hard to find her, and if we don't like her when meeting I have no childcare.

Speak to childminders to see what they can do to help.

Hi OP
I found myself in your exact scenario at the beginning of lockdown. I spent a few days in the office before lockdown. I wasn’t allowed unpaid leave. I have had to work flexibly every waking moment my husband is home—- and mute myself on calls so I’m kept in the loop and showing willing. DS is now back with a Childminder. He was in nursery but I had to find alternative care as nursery still not open to his age group loosing my £200 deposit--

It was absolute hell on earth. Honestly I sunk into a very low place.

DS is enjoying the childminder and I’m enjoying working from home.

I would find yourself some childcare. Your DC will soon adapt. They were always going to start childcare if you were in an office.

First of all remember this is as much your dh's problem as it is yours. You need to work together to find the best solution for you all. That could be a combination of your dh committing to doing some regular hours childcare and some regular hours at work, you committing to the same. Then looking at where the gaps fall and looking for a combination of annual leave, or outside childcare or one or both of you reducing your working hours to cover those times or working from home at the same time as looking after your ds. It's impossible to do a full time job and full time childcare but depending on the job and child it might be doable part time.

I manage a team of people (doing mainly phone support, admin and online work) some of who have young dc and autistic dc. We work flexibly and they have been able to add in a few extra hours when their dc is asleep but clock off urgently every now and then if a dc needs them. As long as they get the job done and keep me informed if they're working or not and their hours add up we're fine. Our team meetings are regularly attended by toddlers!

Remember this situation is only temporary. Within a few months everything will be different - jobs, childcare and your ds

@Laaf80 I think you are not understanding my question but hey ho we'll leave it there

No I understand your question. You are basically asking how the hell a nursery can social distance because of my question. A position I share as it goes, but I also recognise that all sorts of questionable measures are currently being put in place within schools so I wondered if nurserys had changed anything.

It’s your condescending response/tone that I object to. Two people kindly responded to my direct question so I don’t think it was stupid. The responses were also reassuring to me and presumably the OP who is nervous so again, a useful question.

I don’t want to derail the OP’s thread but your tone was unnecessary but I see you will stand by it so yes let’s park it.

You need to check the policy at his workplace but yes it is likely that the leave would still be unpaid.

However being without his salary would be better financially than being without yours if he is part time and you are full time or if he could arrange to be furloughed on return from leave (might be too late for that now though).

OP - childminders sound like a great solution. Your council website should have a list.

Regarding the anxiety, I have tried to manage mine by continually repeating the mantra ‘I will not worry about what has not happened/might not happen’. Don’t let the thoughts control you.

Sorry if I’ve missed it but have you had an actual chat with your employer as to how things can work? And whether you can use some AL? Did you accrue any? You may have more than you think.

Also OP-I just want to offer virtual support. This has been such a tough time for me and I can see you’re about to go through the same.

Re settling in sessions, that was pretty distressing as I spent two weeks settling DS into nursery and sneaking out the door without him realising. It was perfect and he never got upset when I left. With the new childminder I have had to push him to the door and step back. Absolutely horrendous for us both. But I have a WhatsApp pic of him playing before I even get back (it’s less than a ten min drive) so he is ok despite that initial upset.