Young baby and no furlough after maternity leave - any advise please?

[CowgirlBride]

I am currently on maternity leave and will have to return to work when my SMP ends at 39 weeks. I am employed by a council and have asked HR if there is the possibility of me being furloughed. They have told me that no employees within the council have been furloughed so this is not an option.
New guidance has just come out to say that employees that are on leave such as mat leave can still be furloughed after the deadline of 10th June but with the clause only if their employer currently has employees that have already been furloughed. And obviously this doesn’t apply.
I am completely devastated as I had looked at the furlough criteria and just assumed they would go “young baby, no childcare, off you pop on furlough”. I realise now that this was incredibly naive of me, but I can’t do anything about that now.
Childcare placements are still few and far between and even if that were an option I have serious concerns about doing that at this point (DS never been looked after by anyone other than me and DH let alone left in a setting, nor had any socialisation with other children in lockdown, so may not cope. Also DH cares for disabled adults who will absolutely die if he carries CV to them)
I feel I’ve been left with no other option than to say I’ll return to work and try and work from home. It’s either that or unpaid leave - which isn’t really an option at all.
DS will only be 8 months old and is currently all about mummy (not helped by lockdown) and I can’t even go to the loo or make a cuppa without him grizzling that I’m not with him. (Sometimes he even does it when I’m in the room with him if I’m not giving him 100% attention, as I’m sure other mum’s can sympathise)
My job will basically be making phone calls and doing admin, and apparently there are online team meetings. DH works full time but there may be times when he is here to support depending on how his shifts fall but I’m imagining it will mostly be me on my own trying to get by. I’m just picturing me trying to make phone calls or do online meetings whilst DS cries his eyes out in the background. He’s not really big enough to be left to entertain himself - he is starting to play independently but it doesn’t last very long before he wants me again. And obviously I can’t say to him “sorry mummy is on the phone right now” (like you might perhaps be able to do with an older child.)
I also worry that if I’m working that means that I won’t even be able to do things like take DS for a walk during working hours and he’s just gonna be stuck in which seems so unfair on him. (Sorry if that sounds ridiculous but I feel like that’s the only bit of normality/socialisation I can give him. It’s not great but it’s the best I can do at the moment)
Has anyone else been put in this position with their employer with a young baby who could offer some support/pearls of wisdom? I already mourning the loss of my maternity leave as we have just been stuck at home and I feel like I have let DS down. I keep crying cos feel that I will now be “neglecting” him in order to try do my work!

Do you have a mortgage? If so I would take a mortgage holiday and extend your maternity leave to 12 months.

@Laaf80 not sure how its even remotely possible to social distance with a baby or toddler they will use the bubble method

Thank you all for your responses and advice. It so good to hear what other people are doing and that there are other parents finding it challenging (I knew that obviously but it’s nice to hear actual experiences)

I can get easily over-anxious about things and would have been anxious about DS going into childcare for the first time anyway (quite naturally) but the whole CV situation has sent my anxiety through the roof and I got to the point where it was making me SO anxious I didn’t really want to think about it. I stopped following the news cos it was all so awful hence the reason I missed the whole public sector/no furlough thing. I have become so over-protective of DS since CV broke (and I absolutely wasn’t like that before all of this kicked off) and kept dreaming that he caught CV and died.
I realise now that was ridiculous and I feel like a f**king idiot. I’m actually now sitting here crying cos I feel so stupid. So you’re right, I need to pull up my “big girl pants” and see what I can sort out and how I can manage this.

Just to clarify the whole full-time/part-time thing - I spoke to a colleague who is in a similar situation (similar job role to mine, wife works in care, toddler and young child at home) and he said that there are certain tasks that they are expected to achieve but it is understood that you won’t work full hours. So I wasn’t trying to take the piss by saying that - it’s what a lot of people are doing and it’s accepted.

DH is fully prepared to do what he can to support and will provide childcare where he can, but due to the restrictions his employer has put in to protect the clients he has to take the hours they give him so I will never know week by week what hours he is working. Which make it very hard for me to picture how I will manage working from home. I am gonna ask him to speak to his employer to see if they can offer him at least some set hours so we know where are on some of the days.

It would be lovely to be able to go back at 12 months but CV had impacted on us so much financially that it's not plausible (DH had lost out significantly from not doing the entertainment job) we've already take a mortgage holiday for May/June/July. But I know we are not the only people who are struggling.

This sounds like you don’t wish to use child care and won’t Even explore it and would like to work part time for full time pay because you’d rather not work at all?

That’s not what you mean really is it?

Do you have any relatives who would be willing to move in and form a household with you or indeed single friends you could form a support bubble with (and pay them)?

Do you have any family that can help out with child care? When are you due to return to work?

Laaf80

Mine aren't socially distancing. The children aren't mixing as much as they did previously i.e. at the end of the day, they would move all the kids who hadn't been collected in to the same room - this isn't happening now. All kids are being dropped at the door, no going to their rooms to collect them. And they all have to take in their own water bottle, filled each day (they do refill it though). Cuddles, normal play interaction, nappy changes, back rubbing to get them to sleep etc all happening normally.

My 4yo is still allowed to cuddle the teacher, they help him do his buttons after PE, they interact with the other kids as normal.

There is very little noticeable difference.

We haven't got any family local to help out, and they couldn't really move in cos we don't have the room. I do have a friend that might possibly be able to help out but I'd have to investigate how that would all work (would I have to officially employ her, give her a contract, how would that work etc?)

I understand you're anxious about childcare but as nurseries are available it's not unreasonable for your employer to expect you to use childcare so you can do what you're paid for.

I'm a key worker and my son has been in nursery all along. Of course they can't social distance but they're in bubbles and have high hygiene standards. I would speak to local nurseries and childminders just to see what they can offer.

@Laaf80 funnily enough until I found out about bubbles I was worried they would social distance and therefore wouldn't cuddle him if he was upset!

Could you pay someone to take him out for a walk in his pram? Lots of students not at college right now.

Childminders are back at work now. What were you going to do after maternity ended if no Covid?

You could try getting him into s nursery.

This sounds like you don’t wish to use child care and won’t Even explore it and would like to work part time for full time pay because you’d rather not work at all?

I didn’t read it like this at all. I think OP is anxious about finding childcare and sending her child to a nursery/childminder without settling in sessions, and so has procrastinated and tried digging her head in the sand - not ideal, but I think it is understandable and not an unusual way to respond. Finding and choosing childcare can be a bit of a faff at the best of times, and sending your baby to a childcare setting for the first time is pretty daunting at the best of times too. It’s an unfortunate position to be in right now and OP needs to find a bit of courage - put on her ‘big girl pants’ as she said! I’m sure it will all turn out ok OP, as long as you actually start doing something now instead of thinking of more reasons not to.

I think as a first step just ring up a nursery and make some enquiries... how are they doing things? Have they had new babies and toddlers come in yet and how has it worked? I think once you’ve had that initial conversation you’ll feel more confident already and then you can look into more nurseries and childminders from there.

@Pinkblueberry thank you for your kind words. I know my anxiety made me over-catastrophise the situation (classic Cowgirl) which is why I needed sensible advice from people who had been there.
There's been some very good ideas on here so I'm gonna re read this thread later and write some things down to investigate.
Oh shit now I'm crying again - thank goodness DS is napping and can't see his mother being a blubbering mess!

If you do go back as full time and work reduced hours...when you eventually go back to work you will still be full time though and will need a full time childcare. You cant suddenly then say to your employer oh I only want to come back part time because that's what I've been doing at home...you will look like you are completely taking the piss!

young baby, no childcare, off you pop on furlough

I know plenty of babies who attend child minders or nurseries. Why is that not possible in your case?

Furlough is also not an entitlement. I have had to WFH since lockdown and I am a lone parent and one of my children is severely disabled. Not everyone without childcare gets put on furlough. It's not a right.

@Dairyfairies that sounds so tough - hope you are managing okay

I think I'd just heard the term bandied about so much that I jumped to the (obviously wrong) conclusion. Like I said - I realise that was naive now.

If you are full time and you DH part time could you transfer your remaining maternity leave to him and go back to work so your income is higher?

Definitely make sure that one of you uses the full 12 months mat leave. Take your accrued holiday.

Then you will have to work out whether you use the available childcare, one of you requests unpaid parental leave or whether you can co-ordinate working hours sufficiently to enable you both to work.

DO NOT screw your own career by shouldering the childcare burden yourself.

That’s reassuring, it’s risky but I rather he wasn’t in a SD environment to be honest.

No need for the @Concerned7777, I’m not an idiot I was asking for experiences.

I was working from home (public sector) with a 12 month old and it was almost impossible I was only getting a few hours done a day and I was on probation too, sadly they let me go although there were cost factors involved too but can imagine a lot of the parents of young babies were in the same position.

Since then my DD has gone back to her nursery and not all of babies have gone back so there is plenty of room. They aren't doing any food or drink so we have to supply everything. I am very happy with the set up.

OP I struggle with the same sort of anxiety since my child was born (Inc the dreams etc), I don’t think that’s unusual.

I wrote a list of my nursery concerns and discussed it with them. One nursery was flippant so got immediately crossed off. I think you should call around.

Another (a chain) listened and took my worries seriously. Things like ‘what if he is having a bad day and needs cuddles, what do you do?’ The response was - we give him cuddles if it’s all day then so be it. Then went on to describe how they would manage it long term if not a one off (so distraction/encouraging confidence etc).

They then explained how their structure/resources allows them to do this.

This was pre Covid, he didn’t get to start but I’d be surprised if he didn’t enjoy nursery - his toddler outlook will embrace it!

Oh and I can count how many hours he has been away from me and DH.

@Lexilooo I'm really interested in what you're saying but I'm not sure if I'm understanding how that will work.
After 39 weeks I don't even get SMP so surely even if I transferred what was remaining to DH it would surely still be unpaid? So if he wasn't working and we weren't getting any SMP we'd only have my salary and would be down his whole salary, which isn't financially viable.
Or is there something extra I don't know about?

You've had some good advice here - I have a baby starting nursery in September so I understand some of your concerns. One thing that may help though is to look at just how low risk your DS is - the chances of him catching the virus let alone being seriously ill are minute. One of my colleagues did a very complicated spreadsheet which showed that his DD was far more at risk of an accident in the home than catching corona virus at nursery. Frankly, my DS is far more likely to roll off the sofa and give himself concussion than anything else. It's definitely worth exploring childcare options. I'm excited (but very nervous) about sending DS to nursery because I think he will absolutely love it and have far more fun than he has with me!

Find a childminder. most have very few children, so the risk is tiny.
They don’t socially distance with kids, its not possible!
Also, take into account that groups etc benefit parents, not tiny kids. So while you have lost the feel good part of maternity leave, your child hasn’t missed anything.

Same position as you. I work part time and am taking a day and a half annual leave for next 6 weeks leaving me with 2 days to fit in which my work are happy for me to do evenings and weekends. I have to try and manage meetings though but luckily for me no more than 1 a day. Hoping after 6 weeks Gps will be able to do some childcare. Have nursery place fixed for Sept.

I think you are over worrying about nursery. All babies are clingy at this age even if they have had other carers and more socialisation. Nurseries are very experienced with this.