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Original poster

Parents giving in/had enough. What do we do?

44 replies

SanityDecreasing · 07/06/2020 11:07

Hi,

I'm guessing this is becoming more common as the days and weeks are going by, but I'm so stuck and I don't know what to tell them, as we are clearly not out of the woods yet.

My DM isn't over 70, but my dad is, just. Both have been sticking to the rules religiously so far and we haven't seen them now for 3 months plus, now. We used to see them between once a week to once a fortnight and they'd stay with us or we'd stay with them. I have DC, as does my DSis and they're missing them terribly.

My DD will sometimes cry for hours because she misses them so much. I don't tell them this.

They have managed to try and remain positive up until now (think sunshine and wine helped) but when I spoke to them yesterday, I could see they'd hit a wall and were both on the edge of tears. My Dad doesn't often show this kind of emotion.

They were talking like they don't care anymore. They're willing to take the risk. They just need to see us all and cuddle us.

A big part of me wanted to say "yes, let's just do it", but I know we can't, so just did a lot of listening and repeating it wouldn't be forever etc.

I know I'm not alone, so just wanted to speak with others whose parents were perhaps considering giving up. How are you handling it?

Have you given up?

TIA

OP posts:
Slothsarecreepy · 07/06/2020 11:50

I'd see them.

IWillNotNameTheTree · 07/06/2020 11:51

I’d see them too.

LilyPond2 · 07/06/2020 11:57

What is your household's situation OP? Is anyone in your household working outside the home? Has your DD been to school or nursery or has she had no contact with anyone outside your household?

purpleme12 · 07/06/2020 12:01

My parents are the same age as in your post. Me and my daughter haven't been shopping or anywhere and have only seen my ex.
My parents came over this week. Didn't get too close (although my daughter probably did come closer than 2 metres for some seconds at a few points)
But they didn't play with her like normal

Stayed for a couple of hours
It was a hot day

It worked

purpleme12 · 07/06/2020 12:02

It was outside in the garden

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 07/06/2020 12:02

No-one can answer this for you - you have to make your own risk assessment. How much movement is there in your household - that's going to be anything from 'basically self-isolated' to 'two key workers seeing Covid patients every day with kids in school'. Could they manage a visit without any physical contact - I can't, I cuddled my brother last week and I'm fine with that.

PositiveLife · 07/06/2020 12:03

Are they close enough to visit in a day (I notice you say about staying with them). If not, could you meet halfway for a couple of hours?

Theforest · 07/06/2020 12:04

We visited my mum in her garden for the first time this week. It was odd not to hug but it was good and lovely to see her.

She told me she loved seeing the children but just wanted to hug them but didn't.

It worked for us.

SpringBlossomIsBeautiful · 07/06/2020 12:06

My Dad hit the wall this week. Today my sister is picking him up on the pretext of taking him out for a drive. My SIL has made a picnic & we are going to surprise him .
I can’t wait to see his face when we turn up.
We are all taking our own chairs/plates etc & I know this afternoon is going to give him the ability to carry on.

polarbearoverthere · 07/06/2020 12:26

I say see them. Emotional wellbeing needs prioritisation too - sit a way a way from them in an outside space as much as possible. And let them know DD misses them too :-)

SparticusCaticus · 07/06/2020 12:27

Go and see your parents
Hug and kiss them
They've been staying in
They need essential care and your DD is crying too missing them

I'd take that risk

Butternutsqoosh · 07/06/2020 12:30

@SpringBlossomIsBeautiful that's a lovey idea, I'm excited for you!

tombliboo1 · 07/06/2020 12:30

I'd do it

joanneg36 · 07/06/2020 12:33

Go and see them. Unless any of you are particularly high risk, you can’t carry on living like this. If both you and they have been isolating, the risks are minuscule. I fully supported lockdown but I do think it’s left people paralysed with fear and unable to accurately assess risk. The risk here is tiny and the cost to their and your daughter’s emotional wellbeing is huge.

Hillocrew · 07/06/2020 12:34

I know for a fact if I was 70 I would rather die than be cooped up for months on end and not be able to see my loved ones. It's understandable and my dad just isn't having it anymore. Just the last few days hes been visiting and hugging and kissing us saying his mental and emotional health can't take it anymore.

Hillocrew · 07/06/2020 12:35

Oh spring blossom that is fab! Let us know how it goes. I'm so excited for your dad x

Comefromaway · 07/06/2020 12:36

My mil is over 70 & has dementia. For the sake of fil’s mental health being stuck in with her all the the time & her well being they have been coming to visit us in the garden, bringing their own drinks etc.

Purplewithred · 07/06/2020 12:48

Do your own risk assessment, work out how to reduce those risks and then decide whether to go and see them. The risks of catching coronavirus are now substantially reduced - far fewer people have it, we know where more of them are, we know how to protect ourselves when out and about. Also we need to start being realistic about the risks: if your parents do catch it they are much more likely to not be hospitalised than to end up in hospital (figures vary but c. 1/5 hospitalisation). Also it should be your parent's choice to a substantial degree.

Mummyshark2018 · 07/06/2020 12:50

I would see them and just be sensible- outdoors, no sharing food/ drinks etc

Chloemol · 07/06/2020 12:59

I have just been to see my mother, in the garden two metres, first time in weeks, although we did telephone etc

Shielding people can now meet one other person, go and see them, in the garden,

Purplephonecover · 07/06/2020 13:00

Coronacoaster seems to be a thing, my mum has highs and lows. I’m doing a garden visit next weekend.

My dad (divorced) 75 hasn’t abided by distancing, was in the packed pubs until the end, he’s currently in hospital very poorly.

Honeyroar · 07/06/2020 13:02

You’ve got to find the best way of seeing them while keeping your distance- perhaps a walk or a picnic etc

Atalune · 07/06/2020 13:02

Garden visit.

We have been doing picnics and garden walks for weeks now with the olds. None of us are shielding or particularly high risk. We live in a low risk area. We feel comfortable with this.

Go and see them.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 07/06/2020 13:09

I'd see them.

I don't know when I will see mine again as my dm is adamant only when there is a vaccine will she or my df have any contact with anyone. They have no life at all now and are terribly unhappy about it but totally inflexible, no vaccine, no contact. It makes me very sad.

ILikeyourHairyHands · 07/06/2020 13:17

See them. My mother is a fit and healthy 75 year-old whose mental health is shot because of this. I'm very concerned she's developing agoraphobia, she's crying all the time and is terrified to go out. I seriously think she's going to spend the rest of her life indoors petrified. I'm trying to get her to come and stay with us because I think the risk to her mental wellbeing is far greater than any risk to her physical health.