My friend wants to visit in my house

[smartiecake]

And i know i have to say no and put her off. But i feel guilt tripped to say yes. She lives a long distance away, is a single parent with anxiety and depression. She has really struggled during lockdown. She had been mostly working at home but has gone into work, mixed with some others including her ex MIL who she is very close to. Her kids are going to their dads this weekend for the first time since lockdown. She previously asked if she could come and visit on Saturday and sit in the garden/use the loo and i was OK with that. Only now its going to rain, a lot here on Saturday. And she has asked if she can still come and visit. Just for the day she will drive home. She 'needs' to see me/us for her own MH and state. She doesn't really have any friends and is quite isolated.
What do i do? Yes and think there is a really low risk, or no and dont take the risk. I feel really torn.

Bump. Anyone? Help me get my big girl pants on or just accept she needs to visit?

I would say no, get an umbrella to sit under and wear a coat. Or rearrange. It then I’m coming from a vulnerable category

No I wouldn’t. Change to a date when the weather is going to be nice so you can sit in the garden.

Ok thanks. Thats my gut instinct as well. But i feel so crap saying no.

This is tough.

If you don’t feel comfortable with her in the house then it’s okay to say that.

You said it’d be ok if it would be outside and now it’s not. Just say you can rearrange for a day when the weather is nice again. It could be next weekend or not too far off?

Can you arrange to meet her halfway in a garden centre for a socially distanced walk about if it’s raining? Or suggest a walk in the park with raincoats and umbrellas?

Can you put a gazebo up in the garden and sit under that?

Is there an open National Trust near as they are opening toilets at some places

Please see her, She really sounds like she needs a friend. Can you meet somewhere in the middle?

Yes i would need a toilet! Ok will investigate options. I know its the right thing to do. Still feel like the worlds shittest friend though

Can you think of anywhere you could meet to sit outside? Somewhere with a bandstand/umbrella....

Or accept you'll get wet going for a walk...if that's too much for her to cope with, she can go & see her Ex Mil instead!

I don't think you should have her in the house though, no.

It would be illegal for you to allow her into your house.

She has asked if she can still visit though

Are you at risk or vulnerable op? Personally I would say yes it's fine but that's because I've been completely ambiguous about lockdown from the start.

I'd also ask to rearrange. You're not being unreasonable doing both because of the lockdown rules but also (and most importantly) you don't feel comfortable - otherwise you wouldn't be on here asking our opinion.

I know it must be hard though! Good luck

You need to meet her outside or not at all. You could do a zoom call (I appreciate that’s not as good) if you can’t meet outside socially distanced. Hold your position on this.

I’ve worked in people’s homes every single day of lockdown - what is the difference here ?
See your friend

What do you do @springblossom?

It would be illegal for you to allow her into your house

I’ve worked in people’s homes every single day of lockdown

What a dystopian shithole this country is turning into.

Yes - why is it that people are now allowed to have their cleaner come, but not a friend? It’s a bit mad.

I wouldn't. Like others have said - reschedule and get on a video call. Or meet outside maintaing distance - parasol, coat,....
I know it's tough and I feel sorry for your friend. But she has put you in a difficult situation by asking. But then she might be really at the end of the rope to even ask you. So I guess, op you know her the best. But don't feel guilty about rescheduling if it makes you feel uncomfortable, it's the right thing to do.

Presumably, @Notcontent, your cleaner doesn't come to sit in the same room as you for a few hours, just chatting and eating cake (if s/he does, you need a new cleaner😁).

You can keep away from the cleaner while they go about their business.
You can leave the house should you choose, until they've gone.
You'd be a rubbish friend though, if you did this to a visiting friend.

no, don't do something just because she has asked.
that sounds unhealthy. you are not a mental health service, if she is really desperate there are organisations she can contact.
have you wondered why she has no friends, maybe because she tries to manipulate them.
i would not even want her in the garden, as she will stretch that into something further.
talk to her on phone/ video call, offer to meet for a distanced walk, somewhere with a shelter.

do you have a family. put your own dear ones first. keep a boundary.
she should not be trying to push you to do something you don't feel comfortable about, whether that's because she is totally self absorbed or unaware, is irrelevant. don't let her wishes become commands.

I would say no, and your friend should understand why you say this.

She sounds like she’s struggling
I’d assess the risk, and potentially see her