My friend wants to visit in my house

[smartiecake]

And i know i have to say no and put her off. But i feel guilt tripped to say yes. She lives a long distance away, is a single parent with anxiety and depression. She has really struggled during lockdown. She had been mostly working at home but has gone into work, mixed with some others including her ex MIL who she is very close to. Her kids are going to their dads this weekend for the first time since lockdown. She previously asked if she could come and visit on Saturday and sit in the garden/use the loo and i was OK with that. Only now its going to rain, a lot here on Saturday. And she has asked if she can still come and visit. Just for the day she will drive home. She 'needs' to see me/us for her own MH and state. She doesn't really have any friends and is quite isolated.
What do i do? Yes and think there is a really low risk, or no and dont take the risk. I feel really torn.

"And i know i have to say no and put her off. But i feel guilt tripped to say yes."
It doesn't sound like you want to see her. Just say no. It isn't hard to just say two sentences. Be pro-active and telephone her:
'Friend, I am very sorry but, you won't be able to visit after all as we'll be unable to sit outside in the rain and it's against the rules to have you in my home. Shall we see how the weather is next week instead?

She has been interacting with others. You do not know if she has contracted Covid (but is asymptomatic) from people she has come into contact at work or from her MIL or from her kids via their contact with their dad and whoever he has been in contact with.

To protect each other we need to start treating the situation seriously and regard everyone who comes within 2 metres of us as a threat to our lives.

@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite I'm glad you're not my so called friend.

You clearly don't want to meet her. Because if you did, you just would, be it in your garden, a walk, or anything.

I met my 2 friends in her garden on Wednesday. Ds2 had 2 friends in our garden yesterday. A few drops of rain on both. Not torrential. We managed.

“@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite I'm glad you're not my so called friend.”

That’s unfair. Op, is only trying to follow government guidelines so we don’t get a second peak. We’re not out the woods yet!

We have postponed until its a dry day. I feel bad but will videocall her instead this weekend and she says she is ok and understands.

I would say no to inside. My daughter has just been reunited with her boyfriend. I didn’t want the rain to stop them from seeing each other, so I got a cheap shelter from amazon. It’s like a tent, but with no sides or front - so just the roof bit. It’s great! It means she can still see him every day! I thought it’d be worth it if he isn’t allowed to come inside for months.

Op, is only trying to follow government guidelines

Clearly we all have different priorities but the failing mental health of a friend trumps this every single day for me. Reading threads like this makes me realise how lucky I am that my friends view me in the same way as I do them.

Op, glad you've got something sorted.

She lives 100 miles away. If she was closer it would be easier and i would have been able to see her by now. Hopefully we can meet next weekend instead.

It has to be a no. As said, are there other options? Garden centre and a nearby walk- you might still get wet but will feel warmer than sat in your garden.

It might only be a small risk, bit those small risks are still adding up to lots of cases every day

Yes - why is it that people are now allowed to have their cleaner come, but not a friend? It’s a bit mad.

Because (a) the cleaner is not in the same room, and the single biggest risk factor is being together indoors for 15 mins +, (b) not everyone is able to keep their house clean due to physical or other issues and (c) even if they are, by having a cleaner come and paying them, you are ensuring that someone is able to feed their family. Even the cleaners that legitimately declare their income often aren't meeting the requirements for the self employed financial support due to not enough years, maternity breaks etc, and many do the job to be flexible around family in a way that a job in a supermarket etc wouldn't be. Many are in dire financial straits right now.

Op on the other hand can meet her friend in the park for a walk with umbrellas. It's not the same at all, and not mad to allow.one and not the other.

Clearly we all have different priorities but the failing mental health of a friend trumps this every single day for me. Reading threads like this makes me realise how lucky I am that my friends view me in the same way as I do them.

My friends' health absolutely takes precedence, which is why I take the right precautions to avoid one of us unwittingly giving the other coronavirus. Literally everyone is saying they can meet, just not indoors.

I would see her. At this point, I think mental health trumps the rules and the risks are very low.

Why would your friend’s health come before your own? I see you’ve cancelled but I would have just sorry no from the start.

I'm glad you have sorted things OP. Try not to feel bad about it. She is okay and has the visit, subject to reasonable weather, and your video call to look forward to.

@poppet31
"I would see her. At this point, I think mental health trumps the rules and the risks are very low."
I'm sure, if the risks were low, the Govt's scientific advisors would not be expressing concern about easing restrictions too quickly. Do you have any qualifications to assess the risk to OP?

@Igtg
"Why would your friend’s health come before your own?"
Exactly.
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite You're one of those willing the second wave aren't you.

What a dystopian shithole this country is turning into

Dystopian would be a country without lockdown. Half a million dead, our health service in complete collapse, people dying in the streets, the stench of bodies piling up, blue bottles buzzing around

Back to you OP
If she's your friend she will understand if you would rather just meet up outside. I asked a close friend the other day if I could call and see her and sit in her garden, but she doesnt want to even do that, but its OK. Its her choice, maybe meet up at a later date, and I get that she's nervous

Just say no. If you’re not comfortable, that’s it really. It’s your house and potentially your health at risk.

Well that's a rather overdramatic picture of this virus! It's really not ebola. Bluebottles indeed! This is the problem with confusing the plague and this virus.

Well that's a rather overdramatic picture of this virus! It's really not ebola. Bluebottles indeed! This is the problem with confusing the plague and this virus

Ho do you think we would have coped with half a million dead in the space of a few weeks?

Let's look at Sweden and see ...

Oh sad. No dead bodies piled up in the streets and bluebottles. Never mind, maybe in the second wave hey. Better luck next time

The UK is not Sweden . Just answer the question

Yeah we'd have piled them up in the streets for the bluebottles

Utter lunacy

You still sticking with that vision? Seriously??

You still sticking with that vision? Seriously??

I was replying to someone else, who said we have turned into Dystopia

But yes I'm sticking with it.

Can I ask you something. Why do you think we had the lockdown?

Dystopia is the assumption that the virus knows not to infect you if you are cleaning for someone and money changes hands.

But it will infect you if you are just visiting.................. because its that intelligent

dystopian
/dɪsˈtəʊpɪən/
adjective
relating to or denoting an imagined state or society where there is great suffering or injustice