It’s all too fast. I’m going to get left behind.

[Lou0808]

I’m just not ready to face the world.

I’ve spent the last 10 weeks at home barely leaving the house.

I do suffer with anxiety and I think I’ve scared myself so much.
I’m pretty much convinced that having asthma (not shielding) means I will definitely die if I catch covid.

My daughter is 15 weeks old, before she was born Hubby and I did an antenatal class.
I’ve become really great friends with all of the girls. We’ve messaged daily throughout the lockdown and they’ve been such great support.

I haven’t told any of them how much I’ve struggled with anxiety and how frightened I’ve been feeling.

Today they’ve been messaging in our group chat arranging a socially distanced meet up in one of their gardens next week.

I so badly want to go, I’d love to catch up and get out, I’m also afraid if I don’t go, I will get left behind from the group.
This will be the first time we’ve all met with the babies and I don’t want to miss out, but I’m just too anxious to go.

I don’t know what to tell them. I fear I will be judged if I say I’m anxious, especially since I would be the only one not going.

I just know if I go, I will spend the following days/weeks worrying that I’m going to develop symptoms and die.

That’s where my head is at right now.

It’s so shit and I feel so crappy. My daughter deserves better.
I just don’t feel like I can go, I’m not ready, and the scary thing is, I just don’t know when I will be. 😔

I'm really sorry your are experiencing this but you are not alone. The media (social and otherwise) have a lot to answer for creating anxiety.

If you take sensible precautions - socially distance in the garden; wash your hands and try not to touch your face then you are at an EXTREMELY low risk of catching this and as a young person (even with asthma) the chances of you having severe complications is also EXTREMELY low.

I wonder whether in advance of that you might be able to Start with a short local walk and over the next few days built it up slightly by 5/10 minutes.

I hope you are able to go it sounds like you have a supportive group there. Is there anyone you are close to in the group that you would feel comfortable sharing your concerns with?

Post natal anxiety is a thing.

Try baby steps. A little walk down the road. Then a little walk down the road with your baby. Then maybe a quick trip to the shop?

Only you can decide, but I would recommend going. Providing you keep distance, being outdoors is very very low risk. I know its hard to deal with this kind of anxiety but its only really possible by challenging your faulty thinking (e.g. do some research on the real risks and breakdown why your thoughts are unlikely to happen) and putting yourself in these situations and seeing that nothing bad happens. Avoidance will just make the problem worse on the long term. Is there someone that can support - could you talk it through with hubby or one of the girls from the group? Or even maybe arrange a catch up with 1 person first if a whole group is too many?

Why not go and take all your own stuff etc so you feel like you are in control of what you touch.

If you manage a short while, make polite excuses and leave. Aim for 5 minutes longer next time.

When my ds saw Camhs for anxiety his psychologist said the biggest thing is usually taking the first step. Your worries are usually what will happen if. But once you do it and your worries aren't substantiated it's easier next

@Lou0808 I’m sorry you’re feeling so anxious, life with a new baby can be nerve wracking enough without a bloody pandemic.

You know what? I’d be open about feeling anxious. If these are kind people then they won’t judge. And you might even find others are feeling wobbly too. I had PND (not saying you do) and about a year after returning to work I posted something on Facebook about my experience as it was Maternal Mental Health Week. One of the other mums from my baby group messaged me to say she had had it too and she wished she’d known I was suffering. We all thought everyone else was doing so well and we could have supported each other.

I’d also recommend going, you know this is your mental health issues talking and not reality. Don’t give into it. Because yes you will be left behind and do you really want to become someone too scared to go out

You can also speak to your gp and explain you’re developing agoraphobia and have anxiety and see if she can help.

Could you try a practice run or two, to the park by yourself? You don't even need to get out of the car the first time, just prove to yourself it's not a scary place.

I don't think you will be the only one feeling anxious. Going out and about with your new baby takes a bit of getting used to (just getting out of the house is an achievement, but you get more skilled at it after a few attempts). CV restrictions have changed early socialising so much. Not just for you, but for the whole group.

I would urge you to be frank. Tell the group that you'd love to be there, but as CV has meant its such a long time since you went you, you're feeling ridiculously nervous! Do it with a light touch IYSWIM as they are potential friends, not therapists. But you may well,find sypmathyband fellow feeling.

Remember, getting through the front door at roughly the time you want to leave, with everything you need in your bag and having brushed your hair is a Major Achievement

I would let the girls know how you feel. I suspect some others may feel that way too but once you have got out of the house I’m sure you will feel a lot better or even if you don’t go you have support of your group friends.

do call your local NHS mental health service for an assessment. you will be prioritised as you are post natal. Post natal anxiety is less talked about than PND and it is real and disabling.
That said, I would not go to the meet if too many are going. Start mixing households slowly, not too many at once as per the regulations and also to help your anxiety ease back into seeing people again. If they don't understand that you are suffering from anxiety then they are probably not people to stay in touch with anyway but likely most will understand.

I really think you should go op
It will be like ripping off a plaster, just get it done and you'll feel better afterwards.

Myself and two other girls in the group are breastfeeding, and one of them has suggested just us three meet next week to all practice breastfeeding in “public”
I guess just a way to talk about feeding and how we feel since none of us have ever done it in public before.

But even the thought of a small group scares me.

I really do want to go but I just know the anxious thoughts will eat away at me after I’ve been and that’s what I will struggle with the most!!

A small group like that sounds a really good place to start. I think you need to try and focus on the benefit more because it sounds really supportive and will probably help you with your anxiety if you can confide in them a little bit. Once you've gone to the meet up, your anxiety can bleat away as much as it wants. It'll make no difference at that point, what's done is done. Tell it to shut up because its boring you to death. Get through the few days after, realise you're still fine and next time will be much easier.

When I left the house to go for more than a walk a fortnight ago I felt strangely anxious, a bit acrophobic even, having never been like that before.... It wasn’t even fear of Covid, just a general feeling of mild dread... I think it’s natural given how long many people have been cooped up.

However, having been out multiple times since I’m fine - the anxiety soon left after the first outing. It’s one of those things you need to try and push through if you are at all able. If you need help, are you close enough to let them know your anxiety... I think most people will be supportive and understanding.

I'd suggest you tell the group you can only go for an hour at the most. Take your own things and then leave when you need to - baby steps

Lots of people are feeling this way. I agree with PP: The media (social and otherwise) have a lot to answer for creating anxiety

And now I think it's up to us to fight that panic within ourselves. So hard, especially when you have children!

If you haven't been going out at all build up slowly before the event next week. Each day go for at least a 15 minute walk outside the house...you will feel better for getting some fresh air and exercise. I would definitely meet up with your group as you will feel so much better seeing people face to face. The risk of you catching anything from your friends who have just had babies is incredibly low as chances are they will have been very careful too. I think you will be fine sitting spaced out in the garden for a short time. Make an excuse that you can only stay an hour due to your baby's routine or something.
From what I have read covid is mainly spread indoors when people are next to someone infected for 15 minutes or more. Therefore you are most unlikely to catch it walking past someone in the street or sitting outside whilst social distancing.

I would try and spend time outside each day in the garden to boost your vitamin d levels.

They'll have been being careful remember. They have tiny babies that they don't want to catch it. Why don't you mention how anxious you are and see if you can leave it a bit open. See how you feel on the day.

I think I'd feel exactly the same with a newborn.

I hope you manage to find a way to start getting out a bit. It's really really important, but so is looking after your state of mind. Take it slow and steady.

Congratulations on your baby, its a shame its such a funny time. Having babies is hard enough

I’m not post natal or particularly anxious but it’s all too fast for me too - and for the scientists by the sound of it.

We’re not ready and there’s going to be a sudden, huge second wave.

Listen to your instincts and sit it out. That’s what I’m going to do.

If you don't go just be honest about your anxiety.

I suffered with post natal anxiety so I have so much sympathy for you. As others have said, building up slowly and starting with short walks is a great idea.

How many people would be meeting in the garden? If it's more than 6 then it's actually against the rules. Perhaps you could meet with the other breastfeeding mums but say that you need a bit more time before going to a larger group meet up. If you feel able to, be honest about your anxiety, you might find that others are struggling too.

It would be a good thing to see if you can get some help with your anxiety in general as it is quite common after having a baby.

Saying that, I really don't think you're being unreasonable in being worried. You have a young baby and you have asthma and there is a pandemic going on. That's not to say that you would get it, or that you would get seriously ill if you did, and it probably would do you a lot of good to get out, but you're not being paranoid. You're just being probably overly cautious.

If you really don't want to go, explain to the group that you're feeling a bit anxious - and explain why, perhaps offer to meet up in a couple of weeks instead, and build up to that by going on some short walks out and about first. If you're carrying on chatting online and if they're decent then you're not going to miss out by not making one meetup, and they'll understand. Someone else might be unsure too.

No advice but I'm in a similar position. DD is 4mo and I'm also vulnerable due to immune suppressant medication I take for an autoimmune disorder. My antenatal friends have all started meeting up again for distanced coffees etc in town but I just can't bring myself to go, much as I really desperately want to. I also have a 2yo DS who I've decided not to send back to nursery just yet, but I'll need to decide at some point when I'm going to send him and it just feels too enormous a decision. I am also prone to anxiety and it is in overdrive at the moment. UnMNy hugs to you x

You're reasonable to be careful, and whether you go or not, you will be ok.

However you do sound overconcerned about your personal risk. Asthma has been a surprisingly low risk factor for coronavirus - obesity is far higher, as is diabetes and high blood pressure. This report shows that in the US, 8% of the population has asthma, but only 6% of covid deaths - this is going to be partly due to age profile (it's unlikely that asthma actually protects you!), but it's clearly, statistically, something that you should be careful with but not lose sleep about right now.
www.nytimes.com/2020/04/16/health/coronavirus-asthma-risk.amp.html

Have you talked to your gp about anxiety? That honestly sounds like a far bigger risk to you at this point, there is online-only help available and as you are less than one year post-partum in many areas you will skip long waiting lists. You and your baby deserve support.

Asthma may actually be protective, @stuckforthefourthtime --

www.med.wisc.edu/news-and-events/2020/april/allergies-asthma-may-reduce-covid-19-risk-/

As an asthmatic myself (and pregnant!), this news helped me breathe easier, figuratively speaking, than anything else in months.