It’s all too fast. I’m going to get left behind.

[Lou0808]

I’m just not ready to face the world.

I’ve spent the last 10 weeks at home barely leaving the house.

I do suffer with anxiety and I think I’ve scared myself so much.
I’m pretty much convinced that having asthma (not shielding) means I will definitely die if I catch covid.

My daughter is 15 weeks old, before she was born Hubby and I did an antenatal class.
I’ve become really great friends with all of the girls. We’ve messaged daily throughout the lockdown and they’ve been such great support.

I haven’t told any of them how much I’ve struggled with anxiety and how frightened I’ve been feeling.

Today they’ve been messaging in our group chat arranging a socially distanced meet up in one of their gardens next week.

I so badly want to go, I’d love to catch up and get out, I’m also afraid if I don’t go, I will get left behind from the group.
This will be the first time we’ve all met with the babies and I don’t want to miss out, but I’m just too anxious to go.

I don’t know what to tell them. I fear I will be judged if I say I’m anxious, especially since I would be the only one not going.

I just know if I go, I will spend the following days/weeks worrying that I’m going to develop symptoms and die.

That’s where my head is at right now.

It’s so shit and I feel so crappy. My daughter deserves better.
I just don’t feel like I can go, I’m not ready, and the scary thing is, I just don’t know when I will be. 😔

Whatever you decide - I’m in an NCT WhatsApp group with others who have babies my DCs age (25 weeks.) One girl kept cancelling meet ups and we thought that she didn’t like us! As soon as she was able to tell us she was feeling anxious and depressed it meant that we were able to help her and support her far better, and always make sure we were including her in other ways. Whatever you decide, please be open with the girls. The only reason you would get left behind is if you aren’t and they think you’re the one moving apart.

If I am right, I think you've posted several threads recently? I can understand why you feel so anxious and fearful, but the problem is that this virus is going nowhere, and it isn't good for your baby, never mind you, to be cooped up in the house without social contact. Your baby is already learning social development, and, believe it or not, the rudiments of verbal communication. How do they do that if they can't interact with the world? Their parents are important, but the entire world is a rich treasury that they need to be in.

You may not be able to do it for yourself, but I believe that you can do it for your baby. Small steps perhaps. But you need to do this, and so you can do this. You cannot live with the prospect of your baby never seeing anyone but you and the inside of your house until there is a vaccine, if there is ever one.

The chances of you dying from Covid-19 or anything else are very very low.

@WombOfOnesOwn

Asthma may actually be protective, *@stuckforthefourthtime* --

www.med.wisc.edu/news-and-events/2020/april/allergies-asthma-may-reduce-covid-19-risk-/

As an asthmatic myself (and pregnant!), this news helped me breathe easier, figuratively speaking, than anything else in months.

The article above, about Italy, also notes a better than average outcome for asthmatics. Very interesting, because I was just reading something today about the fact that because the female auto-immune system works differently from that of men, womens experience of many respiratory diseases is quite different, and often less severe; but perversely more chronic because they tend not to be diagnosed in the same numbers due to the less severe symptoms. It's making me wonder about those statistics that suggest that men are at greater risk from Covid-19. Could it be as simple as the fact that womens auto-immune systems are different?

Yes, to add to my previous message, I'd say that I have older children, don't have asthma, and I'm still not leaving the house other than for walks, and they're not going back to school yet.

You're not being unreasonable at all because the figures aren't low yet, but you do at the same time sound like you might be anxious, and so gently accustomising yourself to going out safely if possible over several weeks and seeing how the numbers go might help.

I completely understand where you're coming from OP and I don't have a newborn or asthma. I think it's perfectly understandable for you to be feeling this way. I feel like a bit of a social pariah among my group of friends who are all desperate to meet up and I am in no rush. For me it's not worth the risk yet. What's the harm in waiting a bit longer until you feel comfortable. You could maybe just take baby steps and start going out a bit more with just your DH and baby. Then work up to meeting one friend and their baby for socially distanced chat? I do think being honest with your new friends about how you feel is a good idea, I'm sure they'll understand and some may even be feeling the same. Please don't be hard on yourself with regards to your baby, all your baby needs is you and for you to be happy.