DH wants me to leave for good?

[advicepleaseex]

(name changed and won't go into full detail for privacy reasons)

Coming to the end of ML and I work for the NHS on the wards, Obviously with everything going on DH and I have been wondering whether I should extend it to 1 year, but yesterday we went for a drive out. The beaches were full, people sitting on fields and no one was social distancing!

After seeing this DH has asked me not to go back at all and to basically leave my job for the duration of covid 19 (so till a vaccine is made or similar)

He said if people can't even stick to the rules to keep 2M apart why should I put our family at risk to look after them at work 🤷🏻‍♀️

What do people think, If i was to give in my notice at this time I am guessing they won't want me back in a year or so 🤨

If you can afford to, I probably would.

If you can afford it, were not enjoying your career and have been thinking of a change anyway then I wouldn't go back if I was you.

If people can't stick to the rules why should I put my family at risk

I wouldn't expect anyone to now.

How much at risk is your family? Got strong risk factors for impact if you caught it?

Nurses will be needed more than ever in a tear it 2 as well given stricter immigration with Brexit and desperation for more nurses now

*year

I wouldn't blame you for doing it if you can afford it. Although you will have to pay back a big chunk of your mat pay.

Things are hard at the moment, and juggling a small child and a difficult work situation is not ideal.

I'd do what you can to maintain your registration though. Return to practice is a massive pain.

If you can afford to, I definitely would. Taking care of a small child under current circumstances will be difficult as well. People aren't social distancing. Everything is opening up. High probability of second wave.

If you can afford to stay off thats fine but do you actually want to be a SAHM? Not everyone does. Presumably if you work frontline NHS you have done many years of training to get the position you are now do you really want to throw all that away?

What is your families risk? Do you have underlying health conditions?

If you leave you will have to pay back your occupational maternity pay. How long have you had off so far?

He said if people can't even stick to the rules to keep 2M apart why should I put our family at risk to look after them at work

So that you get paid. So that you retain financial independence in the unfortunate events that either you husband leaves or you want to leave or he dies.

That's why.

What grand charitable reasons does he have for working? he gets paid

There's actually a certain manipulative red flagyness about this.

Don't give up your job.

If you are happy to then by all means extend maternity for the full 12 months, but don't give up your career/ financial independence without a lot of thought and only if you think its the best thing

"He said if people can't even stick to the rules to keep 2M apart why should I put our family at risk to look after them at work"
He needs to realise that he is only responsible for his own behaviour and reactions. If it was his job and he decided to quit to reduce risk then that is his decision to make.

To expect you to chuck your job because of his reaction is controlling behaviour.

There's actually a certain manipulative red flagyness about this

There almost certainly isn't.

No I wouldnt. I would carry on as normal. We can't live in fear all of the time. You'd miss your income and career.

Do you want to be a SAHM? Is it affordable for your family?

Do you actually like your job? And having been away from the workplace for the whole of COVID-19, what is an accurate risk assessment of 'whether you will be putting your family at risk' or not?

It's just as easy to turn it around on him unless he is planning to work from home for forseeable future. There were as many outbreaks in offices as there were staff in the NHS.

After all, you will have all the PPE, he won't, all your patients will be screened, his colleagues and clients won't, he's a man so automatically at higher risk...

I'd be concerned about 2 things (1) having financial independence from DH and (2) career. When/how would you get back into work if you leave?

Does he also expect you to not treat over weight people? Smokers?

If how someone behaves determine wether they should get medical help, then he wouldn't expect smoker to be helped.

Personallt, no I wouldn't give my financial independence up for anything

PicsInRed
One of the most ridiculous comments I’ve seen in a while. Shock horror, a husband who actually cares about his wife’s well being and doesn’t want her to be putting herself at risk. Obviously that means he’s trying to financially control her. If you honestly think this you should work on your trust issues.

You can leave nursing and go back into it - you don't get blackballed!! There will also be a loss of nurses after Brexit, after this due to burn out, and then after a second peak / winter peak / flu season due to further burn out. I would be amazed if any nurse leaving now can't let another post in a year or two's time.

@Trevsadick overweight patients or smokers do not put other people at risk?

Thanks for everyones opinions, I have a good amount of savings and we also have joint savings. I do not need to work DH has his own business and can support us, I was thinking to go back part time anyway but I just don't know whether to take the risk when everyone is getting so close and spreading this virus.

I think DH would become very unwell if he got covid, FIL would definitely not survive it! Also my parents are over 60 with disabilities so I get the food shopping for them but as people have said do I want to risk not being able to go back in future 🤦🏻‍♀️ my DC will be in school in a few years and I don't want to sit at home then...

Most people are not on beaches or in parks less than 2m apart though. Would you only nurse Covid patients? What about those with illnesses other than that or who have operations or accidents?

What happens when you have given up work and are solely dependant on DH and you want to spend money without having to ask first or what if god forbid the relationship breaks down?

I wasn't quite clear if you were saying you could extend ML? If so then I would do that rather than leave completely. Things with Covid are changing all the time and imo, it really isn't an ideal time to make any major decisions if you can avoid it. Nursing in 6 months time for example could be very different and Covid much less of an issue - who knows but I would try and keep my options open.

Financial independence and careers sometimes don't seem as important as other things but relationships and circumstances can change and then people can regret things.

What about perhaps being a nurse in a GP practice if that is possible or doing something in nursing with less risk if your current role is risky?

^ if you're not a nurse OP, I suspect this still applies to ward-based posts.

@MoMagic exactly, my DH pays all the bills regardless I keep my full wage!