Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

I feel like the worst mother in the world

44 replies

Ultrasoft · 24/05/2020 11:07

My teens have effectively missed 3 months of their youth. DS1 turned 18 the weekend the pubs closed so his celebration was cancelled and I refused to let him have some friends in the garden.

Neither of them have seen a friend or a GP in months and it turns out I was free to make my own decisions on all of this, if only I'd cared enough to use common sense about the level of risk to my healthily young people. It turns out there was no need to think of others or protect the NHS after all.

I realise I'm getting all ranty but I am beyond furious about all this, not actually, the actions of DC themselves now, but the way it's been defended.

And, I've had a relatively easy lockdown , I can't begin to imagine how people who've had young children cooped up in flats are feeling.

OP posts:
ArtichokeAardvark · 24/05/2020 11:10

You are being ridiculous. Missing 3 months of their youth is nothing, and it's not as though they are the only ones missing out. And above all, it's not your fault in any way so YABVU to think you are a bad mother! By that reasoning, are you saying we're all crap mothers? I have a toddler and a baby - very low risk. I've still kept them at home even though the toddler is going mental being cooped up.

Original poster
Ultrasoft · 24/05/2020 11:14

Of course they're not the only ones, that's exactly it. The whole bloody country has been making huge sacrifices which apparently were optional.

No I'm not saying we're all bad parents but I think Michael Gove did.

OP posts:
OhArsebags · 24/05/2020 11:15

Mine is 18 in November and to be honest it’s tough shit. This is the reality at the moment.

He’s not bothered though, he knows why we are in lockdown.

I’ve also got a 6 year old who’s accepted that this is life for now.

Bleepbloopblarp · 24/05/2020 11:15

I've still kept them at home even though the toddler is going mental being cooped up

Gosh. Are you taking them for walks? If not I’d suggest you ARE a bad mother!

ultrasoft - no you are not a bad mother. Why not let your ds have a couple of friends round to sit in your garden or go to the park if you don’t have could take a few cans of beer and have a picnic. My eldest ds has been doing this nearly every day for two weeks. It’s fine.

Bleepbloopblarp · 24/05/2020 11:16

*if you don’t have a garden.

Ginfilledcats · 24/05/2020 11:17

The only reason the NHS has survived and it become like Italy's health system (ie patients dying in corridors etc) is because of lock down.

I do feel for the kids, I do, and everyone else who's struggling but if anything it's proved lockdown worked.

But YABVU to call your self a bad mother. You've done the same as most other mothers - followed the rules to keep them and loved ones and strangers safe. Your 18 year old can celebrate his 18th another time.

My mums dad had a heart attack on her 18th and party etc was cancelled. She just had a party when he was better. She's now 60 and has coped just fine without lol.

X

Bleepbloopblarp · 24/05/2020 11:17

Ps Op - you may want to find the “anti-dementor” threads. They provide some sane, calm voices in the midst of all this.

SorrelBlackbeak · 24/05/2020 11:21

You're not a bad mother. The father unable to cope with a single 4 year old on his own without help from his sister 200 miles away should be more ashamed of his inadequate parenting skills.

Comingoutontop123 · 24/05/2020 11:22

Don't be a drama llama FGS.

Original poster
Ultrasoft · 24/05/2020 11:24

"ultrasoft - no you are not a bad mother. Why not let your ds have a couple of friends round to sit in your garden or go to the park if you don’t have could take a few cans of beer and have a picnic. My eldest ds has been doing this nearly every day for two weeks. It’s fine."

I'm sure it is fine but it's also against all the guidance.

OP posts:
user1487194234 · 24/05/2020 11:24

I would have let him have a couple of pals round

fuckyouSaul · 24/05/2020 11:26

ultrasoft - no you are not a bad mother. Why not let your ds have a couple of friends round to sit in your garden or go to the park if you don’t have could take a few cans of beer and have a picnic. My eldest ds has been doing this nearly every day for two weeks. It’s fine.

Dominic Cummings is that you?

Original poster
Ultrasoft · 24/05/2020 11:26

Ah you say that now User but I was in two minds and asked here. There was not a single person, that first weekend who thought it would be OK and the vast majority made it clear I was practically a murderer for even considering it.

OP posts:
Lemons1571 · 24/05/2020 11:27

I'm sure it is fine but it's also against all the guidance

The guidance is now optional. Turns out it was only advice, and if you think a different course of action is needed then that’s just fine and you can go right ahead.

Lipz · 24/05/2020 11:28

Oh for goodness sake, the whole world has been in the same situation, some stricter than others. Everyone has missed out on something. Parties and friends can be postpone and your kids can catch up at a later date, what about the people who have died? They don't get to do anything ever again. By following rules you are helping to keep your kids safe. If you break then you risk the chance of someone getting ill.

SnuggyBuggy · 24/05/2020 11:30

You aren't a bad mother. You've been put in a shit and unprecedented situation.

user1487194234 · 24/05/2020 11:30

Fair enough but I make up my own mind about things

Hitchyhero · 24/05/2020 11:32

Dominic Cummings did what he needed to protect his family. By default everyone who has stayed at home and followed the rules didn't.

Original poster
Ultrasoft · 24/05/2020 11:32

Obviously there's something missing in the tone of what you're reading to what was there when I wrote it. It wasnt intended to be taken seriously, I apologise for using the lowest form of wit.

But I am furious at the inference that all the sacrifices were entirely our own choice and if only we'd been less sheep like or loved our families more we could have carried on as usual.

I know everyone missed out, that's my point, as now it turns out we should have known it was optional.

OP posts:
BogRollBOGOF · 24/05/2020 11:33

We can only ever do the best with what we know at the time.

The consequences of friends in the garden now is different to when you refused in March. The spread of the virus was a serious, genuine concern at that point. Circumstances have moved on since then.

You may find reassurance on the anti-dementor threads. It's a cluster of posters having sensible discussions about actually living through a pandemic and its aftermath, andpeople are able to express their concerns however "trivial" without ridicule.

BogRollBOGOF · 24/05/2020 11:34

Or without ridiculous accusations of murder.

Bleepbloopblarp · 24/05/2020 11:38

I'm sure it is fine but it's also against all the guidance

Use your common sense though.

Bleepbloopblarp · 24/05/2020 11:40

But if you think it’s ok to meet one person in a busy park but not in your own garden (staying 2m apart) then maybe you have none?

Original poster
Ultrasoft · 24/05/2020 11:43

At the time of DS's birthday (and DC's) trip there was absolutely no wriggle room in "the rules" though.

OP posts:
User24689 · 24/05/2020 11:44

@ultrasoft it is within the guidelines to see ONE friend outside and has been for 2/3 weeks now. Why has he seen no friends at all?