I feel like the worst mother in the world

[Ultrasoft]

My teens have effectively missed 3 months of their youth. DS1 turned 18 the weekend the pubs closed so his celebration was cancelled and I refused to let him have some friends in the garden.

Neither of them have seen a friend or a GP in months and it turns out I was free to make my own decisions on all of this, if only I'd cared enough to use common sense about the level of risk to my healthily young people. It turns out there was no need to think of others or protect the NHS after all.

I realise I'm getting all ranty but I am beyond furious about all this, not actually, the actions of DC themselves now, but the way it's been defended.

And, I've had a relatively easy lockdown , I can't begin to imagine how people who've had young children cooped up in flats are feeling.

Why did you not have a party for your DS?

Was it because you were 'told' not to? Or because you understood the v.small risk it could cause? But still wanted to avoid it.

It's irrelevant what MNetters said at the time, histrionics are rife on this site and were particularly awful in the early days of lock down. Posters were called murderous cunts for buying hot cross buns or leaving gifts on friends doorsteps.

You either understood potential risks and made a decision based on that or you just decided not to because you were told not to.

If it's the former, the actions of others should not have any impact on that decision because you're not a child stamping their feet and saying 'but they did it!'. Your decision would remain the same.

I doubt it's the latter judging by most MN posters.

@Ultrasoft - Obviously there's something missing in the tone of what you're reading to what was there when I wrote it. It wasnt intended to be taken seriously, I apologise for using the lowest form of wit.

I've been reading the replies wondering whether the posters actually read your post. I think the sarcasm is pretty obvious 🤷‍♀️

Could be worse. DS1 could be on the Western Front or sent to fight Hitler ...

I know exactly what point you’re making OP and I agree.

More fool us for actually listening to the instruction we were given and trying to protect others. We should have used our common sense 🤷‍♀️

Well now you mention it YetAnother, he was supposed to do his Army Officer selection last week, so his career is limbo too...

Not that relevant but...when on a bus I am amazed at the number of people that are on the phone inviting people round! Does lock down not apply to them???!!

I work with several young adults who've just turned 18. They're gutted. But they also know it's not the worst thing in the world. They are pissed at their holidays being cancelled. But they're getting on with life. Because they're not dramatic arses.
"make some memories" with your children. Have some fun. Go out.
Congratulations on not killing anyone

Ah, I see what you’re saying now OP. Well, the past is the past - things seemed scarier in March. Just let him have a celebration now. If it is even a real situation you’re discussing. The oncoming recession/unemployment levels we face is much scarier now IMO.

I’ve never been the type to bother what others think - it’s very liberating! I’m not willing to let my dc’s go bonkers without socialising for months on end when they’ve more chance of being hit by a car. Il stay away from elderly parents with health conditions and social distance of course, not a problem. I won’t go to the beach even though it’s allowed as the public loos aren’t open and I think it’s unfair to use the beach as a toilet.
But seal myself and our young, healthy family in our house until there’s a vaccine? Or until the powers that be, who cannot even follow their own “rules” deem it OK? No chance.

There's been no drama, the boys have been very accepting of it all. I just wonder why I bothered, now senior politicians are saying we should all have done what we felt best for our families .

The actions of DC were definitely not in the spirit - Michael Gove went exercising when he thought his daughter may have it. These are men who have ALWAYS put themselves and their careers first (including BJ). One can only hope at least one of them goes due to the sheer arrogance at believing they are above the rules

If it's the former, the actions of others should not have any impact on that decision because you're not a child stamping their feet and saying 'but they did it!'. Your decision would remain the same.

Sums it up perfectly for me. I have always through lockdown and will continue to do so make the right and common sense decisions. We have been out every day for walks, to the shops 2-3 times a week when needed and speak to my parents at the end of the driveway 1 or twice a week.

It has always been about common sense - sadly DC decision to be did not show it

Another dramatic thread. We're all in the same boat you know. All our children are missing out on seeing friends and family.

I agree OP. My Sons 18th is in a couple of weeks. I didn’t appreciate the guidance was exactly that - guidance and as a result I’ve been a poor parent.

Come on OP, your views are very well known. You're prolific on this topic and even had your own thread yesterday about Cummings.

Starting another one today attempting to claim you just 'didn't understand' and plucking peoples heartstrings at the idea you think you might be a bad Mum when you clearly don't at all, is over-egging the pudding somewhat.

@Ultrasoft, sadly it’s true. I clearly don’t love my children enough either as when struggling with coronavirus symptoms, we simple stayed home and tried to keep us from spreading it around. When it dragged on for weeks, we still carelessly didn’t leave the house and got neighbours to drop food at our door. But then I was too ill to get out of bed let alone drive 200 miles so maybe that’s the difference? Or maybe there aren’t any neighbours in London?

Everything is shit for everyone and people have missed out and some have missed out on their loved ones never returning from hospital and never saying goodbyes

My 18th wasn’t during lockdown, ‘twas many years ago and my parents done fuck all for me, no party, no friends round, I tuned out alright, my 21st was crap as well.

Why has any bothered probably because we care about our loved ones, want jobs, want a new normal we can live with, don’t have to be monkey see monkey do. If he went a licked a railway line would you think I’ll have a some of that as well, no? He’s a twat let him be a twat you carry on doing good and when this shits over you know you done your bit.

We'll according to the attorney general and most senior cabinet ministers I AM a shit parent!!

Closest relatives live 250 miles away (in a lovely beauty spot). They happen to have a self contained cottage on their property which they tent out as a holiday let.

In March DH and I were unwell. Don't know if it was CV or not (no test or medical care at that time unless you cease breathing) but we isolated as required. We have a young child and NO family nearby.
I suppose if it reached the point where hospital looked like a possibility, we would have had to ask family to come to us to take dc.

But it never occurred to us to travel to the in-laws! Even though lockdown would be much nicer there with their big garden and countryside. It was so obviously (to me) not allowed, and also would have been dangerous if we did have coronavirus.

Apparently though, travelling to them was "what any good parent would have done".

So it's official: we are shit parents who don't really love our child enough.

Over-dramatic nonsense. It's a few months out of their lives. When you think of the number of natural disasters, wars and crises that have affected people's (including children's) daily lives throughout history, not to mention the fact that many people's daily lives are pretty grim in the normal course of things, then missing proms and birthday visits to the pub aren't exactly very important or life-changing.

The behaviour of individuals like Cummings is not an excuse to throw up your hands and proclaim it was all pointless. It's just a case of an entitled arsehole behaving like an entitled arsehole- there have always been entitled arseholes and always will be.

Wow SquishySquirmy that’s some confirmation

OP am really not sure a lot of people are getting the gist of your post, but YANBU and the utter shite that has been spouted in defence is just unbelievable. How can any one believe a single word that any of them say now 🤷‍♀️

Why are so many people missing the point of the OP? Has the world turned daft?