Can't sleep again! I nodded off and just like every night since lockdown I wake up again half an hour later. My body is all messed up. I've got kids who won't sleep until 9-10 most nights. No matter what I do the five year old isn't tired until I'm exhausted.
I'm just thinking back over the last two months. It's one big blur of lazy days and random walks. I've tried to fill it with activity to make it feel normal and happy for the kids. But I've hit a wall. I'm out of ideas. I'm tired. I'm irritated. I just can't see where things will improve.
I've choosen not to send DD back to school on June 1st. Purely because the changes are huge. It will be a totally different experience. It's also hard because I don't want her to do six weeks of this and then in September it changes again. Too much for my daughter's personality and age.
I just don't remember how to live anymore. I can't imagine being normal. Going out for a day. Taking the kids to swimming lessons and popping in the shops. Like everyone else. I've not seen my parents for two months. I've seen my best friend once on Friday. We have a milk man and shopping delivered. I have avoided shops 100% but now I don't want to go in them because it's queing and others waiting for you to hurry up.
I'm honestly filled with dread at the thought of early mornings and school runs. I'm dreading autumn and winter. All the viruses are going to be much scarier this year. Will our kids be allowed in with snotty noses this winter.
I even have been thinking of Christmas. Wondering if it will be a normal happy time.
I just worry we won't remember how to live soon.