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Covid

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Original poster

Do I say goodbye to my dying Dad - Covid rules?

53 replies

Autumnowls · 21/05/2020 22:29

My Dad, who is 89 years old, is in poor health and declining. He lives and is taken care of by my Mum (85 y/o). We've not seen them for months due to Covid-lockdown and they have been totally isolating at home. My Dad has got worse and Mum thinks he doesn't have long left now. We were hoping that the Government were going to allow travel to see another household - but the recent change is only 1 member of the household. Mum can't get him to a public place as he is too frail, she doesn't drive and to be honest is frail herself. Mum can get him on a chair outside in their little patio bit so I could see him socially distanced but it isn't a public place and she would be there two so that's not allowed.

I'd love to see him and say goodbye, scared he will die before any family lockdown is eased and totally don't know what to do. I know the law says I can't see him unless he is alone and outside in a public place. I have been totally isolating for 7 weeks due to my own underlying health conditions.

Thank you for reading this.

OP posts:

userxx · 21/05/2020 22:31

Definitely go and see him.

MrsWooster · 21/05/2020 22:32

Go and see him.

MakeLemonade · 21/05/2020 22:32

I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad.

Yes of course you visit, he’s dying, the rules are general guidelines and cannot account for specific situations - including this one.

My friend went to say goodbye to her Dad who was dying in hospital from COVID 19. They make allowances.

Cheesecakejar · 21/05/2020 22:32

I think fuck the lockdown and fuck any guidelines in place (and I have been adhering to them all!) He's your dad, you will forever regret not getting to say goodbye. It sounds like your mum would hugely benefit from seeing you as well. Enjoy his company while you can and do not feel bad for it!

worstwitch18 · 21/05/2020 22:32

My father died last week and we had 12 family members through his hospice room in the last two days (after 2 weeks of not being allowed to see him at all - which was horrible).

If he is at home and you can get to him without public transport (e.g. by private car), go see him.

TheHobbitMum · 21/05/2020 22:33

Absolutely go to your Dad, I wouldn't hesitate and neither should you

IDefinitelyHaveFriends · 21/05/2020 22:35

Of course you should go.

Tiramisuiloveyou · 21/05/2020 22:35

Go and see your dad.

ParkheadParadise · 21/05/2020 22:36

I'd definitely go.
Hope you get to spend some time with him

Lougle · 21/05/2020 22:37

Care of a vulnerable person - that's your Dad (ill) and your Mum (sole carer of a very sick man). You can go and you're not even breaking the rules

TheGinGenie · 21/05/2020 22:37

I'd see him

allfalldown47 · 21/05/2020 22:37

People are breaking lockdown rules for selfish or pointless reasons, so please please go and see your Dad and feel no guilt for doing so

swearymad · 21/05/2020 22:38

I would go and see him too.

Willow4987 · 21/05/2020 22:38

Go. 100% to

You’ve been adhering to guidelines and they’ve been shielding. The risk is minimal and they’re guidelines. Is it actually the law? (Genuine question as I’m second guessing myself now)

You need to say goodbye and your mum will need the support

bestbefore · 21/05/2020 22:38

I would go and see him. Wouldn't even think about it.

loutypips · 21/05/2020 22:39

You can visit vulnerable people to care for them. So you won't be breaking any rules.

katienana · 21/05/2020 22:39

Of course you should go and see him. The rules are meant to stop large gatherings. It would be cruel and unnecessary to stop you seeing your dad. And do it wherever he is comfortable.

user1635482648 · 21/05/2020 22:40

Of course you go and see him.

The law has permitted visiting vulnerable people to provide care throughout. Nobody would have taken action against you for visiting a family member at the end of their life.

The point of the law is to reduce transmission rates.

I know the law says I can't see him unless he is alone and outside in a public place.

It doesn't say that.

Ilikefresias · 21/05/2020 22:41

Definitely go, I hope that it brings you all some comfort

TheQueenOfTheNight · 21/05/2020 22:42

Please go. As others have said there are caveats to the guidance. Your parents count as one household - there's no additional risk between you all being there or just you and your dad, with your mum hiding away in the background. As long as your parents and you are happy to visit (I.e. you don't think you're infectious / you're all willing to take the risk) then go. Call it a carers visit or a mental health visit or whatever helps you feel okay about supporting your mum during this time.

BBCONEANDTWO · 21/05/2020 22:43

Please please go and see him you will regret it definitely if you don't. So sorry what a horrible predicament to be in. Hugs to you.

TheQueenOfTheNight · 21/05/2020 22:43

I am sorry you're in this situation, I'm sure you'll all be glad if you visit.

SiaPR · 21/05/2020 22:43

I would go. Sorry for your troubles. Hope he is peaceful.

okimdonenow · 21/05/2020 22:45

So sorry to hear this what an awful time for you. If it were my dad I would a million percent go and see him, I wouldn't even think twice.

WoahBodyforrrm · 21/05/2020 22:47

I'm another one who sticks to the rules without waver but you absolutely should go.

There is never a good time to lose a parent but this is even more awful.

Spend time with him and don't feel bad about it one tiny little bit.

I'm so sorry you're going through this 💐

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