So worried and depressed about the future

[Wannaflyaway]

I'm really struggling right now to comes to terms with this 'new normal' and the loss of our past life. This virus has sucked all the joy out of life. No more socialising without restrictions; schools, look likely to be miserable places if/when they reopen, whenever that may be; no more theatre, concert, cinemas, pubs, restaurants for God knows how many months.years. Virtual dating, virtual playdates for kids. This feels like hell to me. Its just so, so bleak and depressing. I just don't see the point in being alive if all the things that made life enjoyable are taken away. Without them, its drudgery. I'm feeling just so, so very sad and so low. I keep going only for the sake of my 5 year old and I'm so sad most of all for her. I just don't know how to get through the next many months/years.

It's very long sorry but you might like this letter the wonderful Prof Paul Gilbert sent to the Guardian, not sure it if was ever published...

Below is the letter I sent off today to the Guardian

Let see if it flies But we must all resist the concept of the new normal it is not a compassionate phrase at all because it undermines the realities

Dear Editor

Governments and others need to think more carefully about the language we are using to avoid slipping into careless and unhelpful phrases. For example, there is general agreement that the phrase social distancing is not a good one. A much better term would be safe relating because that can be used in lots of different ways. It focuses on the notion of safeness rather than threat. It focuses on relating, which is what you want people to do, rather than on distancing. It implies respectfulness and friendliness. ‘Lockdown’ is another term which has eased its way into our language, but it is too close to the term ‘lock up.’ I did research on entrapment and its link to depression and other problems, and this term implies entrapment. ‘Phased down’ or ‘hunker down’ would have been better. We need to bring attention to the increasing tendency for governments to simply make up phrases without any research on their impact on our minds, and it seems without psychological advice. For example, we are now increasingly talking about the ‘new normal’. We should actively resist this, as there is absolutely nothing normal about the current situation. We need to state clearly that we are in a very abnormal situation and resist ‘normalising the abnormal’. What is normal about grandparents not being able to see their children and grandchildren, children trapped in small houses sometimes with fraught parents not free to play, socialise and attend schools? What is normal about struggling to see a dentist or people so frightened they will not go to hospital or seek medical advice when suffering from serious conditions? What is normal about being served in shops by people behind plastic screens wearing face masks? What is normal about the worse coming recession? Individuals who are struggling with mental health difficulties will find it very difficult if they are told we are in a new ‘normal’. What are they to make of their distress? We need to highlight that humans are a highly social species, and even our bodies are regulated through close relationships. So, it is important that we emphasise that this is a temporary way of being, for as short as possible, and not normalise it. That could appear to be a cheap and dangerous trick into social acquiescence. We must find alternative language for these processes and not simply fall into made up, out of the air, unhelpful terms. We are living in a world of restrictions that have helpful lifesaving consequences for some but very unhelpful consequences for others. let us be honest and talk about realties: the new restrictions.

Judy thank you for sharing this. Thank goodness for people like prof Gilbert. I was thinking I was becoming mad by hating terms like new normal and the fact it filled me with utter despair. Thank god I'm not alone in feeling this way. You have all shown me I'm definitely not alone in how I feel and honestly all of your responses have really really helped me so thank you all so much.

Parents are bitching at other parents for considering sending their kids to school - to the 'slaughterhouse' as one mother put it

People are so irrational. What this crisis (and Brexit) has taught us is that we desperately need to add critical thinking to the curriculum.

Whatsthis1515 your situation sounds incredibly difficult and my heart totally goes out to you. I have suicidal thoughts too, on a daily basis. Jim Morrison once said "life hurts a lot more than death' and that feels very true to me right now. However as someone said to me, death is permanent whereas this situation isnt going to be permanent, despite what we might be lead to believe. This is what I'm trying to hold onto. Also the fact that history tells us pandemics do end. Having 5 children must be very stressful I imagine. I find it very stressful with just 1. It's such an effort to have to put on a brave face and be the strong one. My daughter demands my attention constantly and its draining me. I'm exhausted too as I'm sure you are. I hope your situation improves soon I really do. I hope we all get to see light at the end of the tunnel sooner rather than later.

Joining the thread as I feel the same. I have a 1 and 2 yo and live in England, almost all my family are on Scotland. I feel isolated and alone, so sad for my children, nothing to loom forward too and I don't want to adopt a new normal ! My 2yo saw her best friend in the park y'day and ran up to him for hug and then stopped short / second guessed herself as she is so used to being told to give people space. My heart sank.