So worried and depressed about the future

[Wannaflyaway]

I'm really struggling right now to comes to terms with this 'new normal' and the loss of our past life. This virus has sucked all the joy out of life. No more socialising without restrictions; schools, look likely to be miserable places if/when they reopen, whenever that may be; no more theatre, concert, cinemas, pubs, restaurants for God knows how many months.years. Virtual dating, virtual playdates for kids. This feels like hell to me. Its just so, so bleak and depressing. I just don't see the point in being alive if all the things that made life enjoyable are taken away. Without them, its drudgery. I'm feeling just so, so very sad and so low. I keep going only for the sake of my 5 year old and I'm so sad most of all for her. I just don't know how to get through the next many months/years.

Wannaflyaway its utter hard going. But it won't, it can't go on forever. Every week, or day that passes more data is being collected and that gives us much more capacity for testing and treatments.
I'm not in the UK, granted, but the information is international.

Life will go back to normal. Every pandemic in history has been shit, but life always goes back to normal once the initial few months has passed.
Our job now is to keep ourselves as well as we can. Ring people - fuck zoom. Watch comedies. Go easy on yourself, and if your dd is only 5 dont freak out about homeschooling, read a story everyday and a few counting games and she'll catch up. Some days are going to be worse than others but it is temporary. You will look back on this as a bad dream, probably with your mates in the pub on your way to see Jeff Wayne!

JoeExotic I really feel for your acquaintances. This is permanent for her :(

Lilac banging the same old drum again I see. Well, at least you're keeping busy.

Lilac:

They are likely too worried about being judged to tell you the truth .

In the States. My very sensible friends are all starting to loosen their grip. Distanced play dates are happening. Revamped art day camp is still happening. A pool or two is re-opening. (Not in my neighborhood, sadly). Restaurants getting the new guidelines for opening safely...

Life will out.

I agree. I'm an introvert. I quite like being at home alone. But not all the time. I like choosing what I'm going to wear, I like having a structure to my day, I like the buzz of the workplace, and I also like being able to go home and shut the door on it all. I like the sense of achievement from completing a day's work, something you don't get from switching off your computer at 5 in the evening. Zoom meetings, online 'chat'.... I mean, I guess it's better than nothing, but nobody can tell me it's any real substitute for real human interaction. In some ways, it makes me feel even worse as it's all a bit sad.

At this time of year I would normally be travelling lots for work. It's obviously not going to happen this year and I fear it may never happen again, that I may no longer get to see the wonderful people I've met through this work. Having nothing to look forward to, being constantly told this is the 'new normal' and we just have to get used to it, is grim.

OP - it makes me sad they think I would judge them, but I guess you can’t be too careful.

DamnYankee the US is great with some of the states isn’t it. I thought the governor of Florida did well with his approach to a senior population- sensible but not too harsh.

Iced “ In some ways, it makes me feel even worse as it's all a bit sad.”

I hear you.

I agree with that
I just want to hug my mum. We are due for 20mile loosening of restrictions here fairly soon, she wants to call round to sit on the garden. I'm dying to see her but not like that .... but shite as it is, I'd rather get this shite bit over with, specially after coming so far, to prevent having to start from scratch again.

What I really, really struggle with the seemingly permanent nature of all this new normal. People/experts don't call it a ''temporary new normal' or the new normal for the next couple of years or so. Just calling it the new normal says to me that this is how things will be forever more. I understand that there are still so many unknowns about this virus and noone has a crystal ball, but I just find it very hard to accept that this is how things may be from now on.

It won't be forever. That's for certain. There have been pandemics before - much more virulent than this - and they too have passed.

But I too find the phrase 'the new normal' depressing. I think most of us could cope with a lockdown when we saw it as an emergency measure. But when we have months stretching out in front of us where restaurants are open but only if we're sat a metre apart and can't use the bathrooms, or where kids can go to school but have to adhere to unnatural 'social distancing' then it all seems so depressing. And before someone wags their finger at me, I understand why these measures need to be taken. But that doesn't mean it's not grim.

It's the new normal for now.
But it's not static at all - this is as harsh as it's going to get. Elements will be lifted as we go along, and even when measures are rolled back it will be much more targeted.
It's not house arrest for the rest of our natural lives.

Viruses ease back, and scientists grow more knowledgeable in dealing with them.

It wont be easy for the next few months, that's for sure. But this is just the initial crisis, where nothing is known.
This is the hardest bit.

Op, it is difficult, particularly alone with a young child. I am working hard with my teens on positives and being grateful for what we do have, not what we don’t. My eldest saw the state of our decimated Sainsbury’s as we went into lockdown and all he keeps saying is ‘we’ve eaten really well, we need to be grateful for that’ and it honestly is helping keep him sane. In his head, things could have been so much worse and I know from a few late night chats he had been mentally preparing for full on walking dead mode. It has kept him at home without an argument and he’s as helpful as helpful can be. Much of that is my insisting, it could be worse, we are all well, we have everything we need. Try for glass half full rather than empty.

I live alone, I go to work I come home, usually have my exercise and that's it, at the moment it's existing rather than living life there is no ruddy point to it.

The public are fickle and at moment the media have made everyone scared to death, but when job losses get huge, reports of deaths from other reasons get a lot higher and peoples pockets get lighter they will soon turn.

Before I say this I'm not saying this in a 'get a grip it could be worse' way, I'm saying it in a 'you won't always feel this way, you will look back on this time' way, but...

I have had cancer myself (which is how I know the woman I mentioned upthread). I am one of the very lucky ones but I did pretty much lose a whole year of my life through treatment. I couldn't work, I couldn't look after my kids properly, I couldn't do much on my own at all, I had to be careful that I didn't catch any bugs. I was able to go out and things when I was well enough to, but my life was effectively on hold for a year and I also had to watch everyone else getting on with their lives as normal. There was also the added joy of losing all my hair, feeling like shit a lot of the time, being in pain blah blah blah. I remember at the time of my diagnosis and beginning of my treatment thinking that I would never get through it, the road ahead was simply too long and too overwhelming. But get through it I did, and I can tell you now that that time becomes more of a distant memory every day, despite the cloud of a possible recurrence still hanging over me. I look back on it now and sometimes it doesn't even feel like it happened to me, and it wasn't even that long ago!

As I said, I'm not saying this in a 'woe is me, look at what I went through' way - I am just trying to say that hopefully we will all be able to look back on this time too as such a surreal time. We won't always live like this, our whole society has been through a huge shock and huge change in such a short space of time, but it's not forever.

Sorry if I haven't articulated that very well! I know how you feel because I have felt the exact same

I’m so glad you posted this, because I relate so much. I used to be a big fan of the walking dead and whenever I watched the show, I would always wonder why these characters bother staying alive when their existence seems so miserable - and that’s how I’m starting to feel. I know it seems dramatic, but I feel like all the joy has been sucked away.

I struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts and one of my coping mechanisms has always been to look forward to the small things. Everything I was looking forward to has been cancelled and the things that haven’t been cancelled yet probably will soon.

I find the phrase ‘the new normal’ very upsetting. And I’m tired of the dismissive attitude some people have towards mental health. I also think some people love spreading negativity and fear like ‘don’t be ridiculous, we will never have holidays again!!’. Those kind of comments are very harmful for those who are struggling with this.

Whenever I think of the weeks ahead, I get very down, so I try to live in the moment, but it’s so hard. For me, my mental health is a much bigger risk than covid. And I think a lot of people are in the same boat.

I hope this passes sooner than we think

Hate the thought that social distancing is the "new normal". I used to (used to! It's only about two months ago!) think they made a mistake calling it "social" distancing, not "physical" distancing or something. Now it seems like a depressingly accurate description.

I'm about to turn 35 - I'm single and childless and had hoped more than I can express for a family of my own. Not only does this fuck up my chances of meeting anyone in time, it also takes away any of the fun things I could be doing to make the most of being "child free".

I can't think about it or I will top myself.

I think everyone is getting a bit sick of it. Even the difference is posts/responses on here have noticeably changed over the last few weeks. Even my dearest friend who has been religiously following the rules to the letter, in a way that really surprised me, has started bending them...

JoeExotic great post. I agree it really helps to try to keep perspective and be philosophical about this situation. Even though that's really difficult. It's a good mindset.

leftovercoffee you're right, I find a lot of people on social media almost relishing in spreading doom and gloom.
I'm sorry you're struggling with your mh. The uncertainty is so hard isn't it. I don't think it's unrealistic to plan things for the future and look forward to those things.
I also don't like the phrase "new normal" . It won't be permanent, so I like to think it's Our normal for now.

Try to think over it like those first few months with a newborn. Gruelling, bleak, no visible end in sight. A year later they’re toddling about and it’ll all seem like a distant memory. The year will come to a close before we know it and we’ll almost certainly have some effective drug combinations, if not a vaccine. Just take each day as it comes.

Statistically, this virus will almost certainly go away at some point. Things will get back to normal (with a few changes). Hang in there. My guess is that it will be sooner than you think.

The comparison to having a newborn is so true and also something I’ve thought about. It’s an extreme sudden shift in your life that feels never ending. Life is turned upside down, full of anxiety and uncertainness. One of the differences here Is that everyone is going through it together rather than you staring out at the world going on as normal. I had unexpected twins when I had a 2 year old. No mother to help me and no real practical family support. I also breastfed them as I felt very strongly about it. The first 6 months was very bleak and the sort of extreme challenging that makes you want to run away every day. The sort of challenging where some days you don’t think you can face another day of it.
But I did get through and now it seems like a distant memory even though it was only a few years ago. Like an above poster said, feels like it happened to someone else.
This is not the new normal. It’s a temporary state and we will come out the other side soon, it’s just difficult to see it right now

Me too I have mh problems already and this has made it so much worse, can't offer any advice unfortunately but stay strong

OP I feel exactly the same
Hate the whole social distancing
I'm also single parent to 6 year old
Working from home
I want to be near people I hug people at work I desperately want to be near people

I agree it's even harder as there is no guaranteed end in sight
Long term social distancing is so hard for humans as we are ( most of us ) social beings
I have 16 and 15 year old and it's tough on them too my 15!year old is year 10 and worried about next years exams as they have missed so much school
Also missing his team sports and gutted we have had to cancel our family holiday and the trip to his favourite football team we had planned and we can't even plan for them in future as we have no idea when ?
Missing family and friends too

@leftovercoffeecake
I always say that to my DH, about The Walking Dead, I mean. They'd lives are SO bloody depressing! They really do just survive. We do have it better than on the show do definitely hold on to that. I have said to DH though "If ever this happens just shoot me as I don't want to deal with it".

A lot of people that I know are continuing with play dates/meeting up with people/going to stay with family etc. They all seem to be in a way way better place psychologically than the people I know who are sticking to the rules. There doesn’t seem to be any enforcement of things going on behind closed doors.

Oh OP I feel exactly the same. I just can't do it anymore and I'm supposed to be one of 'vulnerable' ones who has to hide forever. I have 5 DC, I am now WFH (teacher). Every single day is the same as the last. I go outside and it's literally a nightmare with everyone terrified of each other. I was really looking forward to getting 2 of my children back to school on 1st June but I can't see me doing it - not because I'm scared of the virus but because I don't want them forced into that type of situation where they learn that adults are terrified to be near them, and they learn to be terrified of each other. Our previously nice school and village community has turned into people bitching at each other for leaving the house, bitching at people for not clapping for the NHS every Thursday (I mean wtf, the NHS are failing as far as I am concerned - they are only treating covid and letting others die!). Parents are bitching at other parents for considering sending their kids to school - to the 'slaughterhouse' as one mother put it.

I just can't go on like this anymore. My mental health is declining every single day. I do what I can do, bike rides and walks etc but it's not the same. It is not normal life. This is hell.

I have had some very dark thoughts

I should also say, I keep having thoughts of wanting to run away, which are then followed up by dark thoughts that there is literally nowhere to run to