Furloughed single parents returning to work who have no childcare - Advice please

[mummytippy]

I've been furloughed since 24/3 after previously offering to work from home and being told no. I do admin work in an office so working from home is doable once I have the paperwork. I've no idea what my boss's reasons were as I have the technology and it's not rocket science.

I have a 13 yo ds in Year 9 who obviously isn't going back to school anytime soon. I've been home schooling him as he's the type of child who has needed me to stand over him to ensure he stays on task. The work set by his school has also been set in multiple formats, not all online so I can't just leave him to it.

Today I've had a text from my boss asking me if I would be prepared to swap days if requested. I usually work 3 full days 9-5.

Aside from Boris making it clear in his speech yesterday, that single parents with no childcare are 'impeded' and have a 'barrier' in returning to work and the Government would 'hope employers are understanding of this'

I also found this on the Gov.UK Website:

www.gov.uk/guidance/claim-for-wage-costs-through-the-coronavirus-job-retention-scheme

''Employees with caring responsibilities

Employees who are unable to work because they have caring responsibilities resulting from coronavirus (COVID-19) can be furloughed. For example, employees that need to look after children can be furloughed''.

I can't leave my ds at home by himself so how do I reply to my boss?

What are everyone else's plans on how to contact their employer to ask to remain on furlough due to no childcare?

Thank you in advance

Who is taking on your duties now whilst you are furloughed? I'd be worried taking 6 months away from my job that there would still be a need for my position after all that time off.

I understand you're worried OP, but I'm struggling to see the issue here. Your son is 13, you work 45 mins away, he has grandparents living close (in case of an emergency), and it's only 3 days a week.

Can you go in and do some of your hours? Didn't the government say they'd like people to come back part time if necessary? I know you're already part time but you could go even more part time so less time to leave your son.

@ChemiseBleu I replied as a sole parent of an only 13 year old child, the same as the OP.

the title of your thread is Furloughed single parents returning to work who have no childcare

You said you won't put him into childcare.

Maybe you should repost under: Furloughed single parents returning to work who refuse to use childcare for a teen without SN.

you might get some more useful replies for your particular situation

Would your work possibly agree for you to work from home on the middle day, or any day if not, and you go in on the other two days?

I was about to suggest two days in the office and one at home in the middle for taking the paperwork home and back.

@mummytippy i think there are a number of things you could consider.

1. Asking if you can work different days so that it isn't three days in a row that you work (so mon, wed, fri)
2. Work two of the days at work and one at home
3. Realise that your DS will not get as much done without you and get him to do what he can. You can help in the other two days
4. Resign and look for another job, it doesn't sound a great place to work anyway

You have had a hard time on here about your 13 year old not being ok at home and I said up thread that I leave my (just) 13 year old. Nevertheless each child is different. If you aren't leaving him because he won't get all his schoolwork done then you need to get tough with him but if his well being will suffer then you can't leave him, or if you think he might burn the house down that's another matter too! Only you can know that but this could be an opportunity to learn some independence; if it is just the two of you you can get quite reliant on one another.

@mummytippy yes I’ve been furloughed since the start but I work in a business that’s been shut and will probably be reopening soon and I’ve heard nothing

Do you have a good single friend who would be willing to work from your home 1 or 2 days a week? So that you are only mixing 2 households? I would do it for one of my friends. There will be a lack of jobs, so I'd hang on to yours.

Well it's clear you don't want to do anything that involves compromising with your employer. It could have serious implications for your job.

As an employer I'd be a bit perplexed at an employee who didn't turn in on 24th March based on a text from her colleague and then made no contact until April. That wouldn't leave an almost 14 year old at home, didn't want to spread her work over 5 shorter days, didn't understand that there are different rates of furlough, didn't understand my concerns regarding data security when working from home, didn't reply to my messages relatively promptly.

As an employer I'd have contacted my employees myself of course. However, yours hasn't and doesn't seem very likely to be flexible. So in your position I'd be worried for my job and make the best case as early as possible to enable me to work.

Op if your dc is in year 9 he is nearly 14! Of course he can stay on his own for eight hours. It’s not what you would choose for him but it’s perfectly safe. It’s selfish to expect furlough when there are those that genuinely need childcare.

So it's for behavioural reasons you won't leave him at home? You can't trust him?

i wouldn't leave my 12 year old for 8-9 hrs every day and have actually never left her in the house alone not even for 10 minutes.

In the absence of special needs, you're not doing your job as a parent. How do children develop into self-sufficient adults if they're never given the opportunity to practice their independence.

If he can't be trusted due to poor behaviour and you can't work from home then your only hope is to appeal to your employers' better nature and ask to be furloughed.

So tricky - it isn't just the age, but the maturity level also. I have left DD (13) at home when she has an inset day or whatever. She would call me at regular intervals and while it wasn't ideal, it was the only option at the time.

My work is about 45 minutes away (due to traffic) but close geographically, and there was always a worry if something did happen, and it did. She got locked out, but made sure that a neighbour had a spare, and left emergency money.

I planned her meals so she knew what to have for lunch and snacks initially, but then she started getting more and more self sufficient.

Could you try it for a week and see how it goes? If it doesn't work, then maybe have a re think.

they simply want to get back to business not understanding about me leaving my ds

In the current climate they're hardly going to prioritise supervision of a 13 year old, and I wonder if the WFH refusal had anything to do with the level of that you wish to give, and what that may mean for productivity?

It sounds as if you've already negotiated a work pattern which will keep your travel costs down, so while I know it's not easy I wouldn't push them too far on this one

Can you do a risk assessment with him? Talk through safety scenarios of if this happened you would do this, speak to this person etc. Have you got a friend whom you could speak to about exercising during the day past your house and check up on him? Have you got a neighbour who he could get in touch with in an emergency?

Make him a schedule/timetable so that he structured his day. Eg if you get stuck do maths practice here instead, or read etc.

Having managed a bunch of employees over the years and now working in a team who are all taking a voluntary pay cut to keep the business afloat I'm amazed by the team spirit of the people I'm working with who are doing everything they can to adapt and roll with the punches at the moment.

We've also got a few people who are wheeling the HR rule book out and starting to border on litigious in their tone.

I think we all know which ones are playing with a team hat on and which are out for number 1 and that stuff sticks. I suspect your employer might be a bit of a dinosaur but there's nothing you're bringing to the conversation which is trying to meet them halfway.

Sorry but I'm in the camp of it being perfectly ok to leave a 13 nearly 14 year old at home under these circumstances. If you can't trust them then you need to do some hardcore parenting and lay down the law with your child. If you make it hard for your employer there's every chance their business won't survive the next few months and then you'll be joining the job queue with a frightening number of our country colleagues. And I bet a large majority of them will have tried everything they can not to be there.

Thanks @ChemiseBleu

Nice to see someone who recognises that before any of this happened I offered to work from home... showed genuine initiative... but people are choosing not to see this... instead I'm called work shy with any excuse! I have no words

Seems I'm like a witch who deserves to be burned at the stake when all I'm wanting to do is follow Govt advice and stay and home and work in order to juggle my ds, school work and looking out for my elderly folks by not increasing my risks of catching Covid 19.

My ds's father is 2 hours/100 miles away. He has reduced the maintenance by half. No input to ds... learning support, hasn't even asked how he is

I am ignoring all of the judgemental comments as they're just plain unhelpful, hurtful and rude.

I will read the suggestions on flexible working via your link... thank you so much for sending me that, I wasn't aware of such a thing.

I'm thinking as work were so against the working from home, to forget that idea (my employers are dinosaurs) and just propose something along the lines of going into the office 9-3pm... on further reduced part time hours and see how that goes.

People on here don't seem to understand that I am trying to do my best in a bad situation (the same as most others) and that I think I don't see others are in a similar situation, like I'm selfish, I am not... that's why I asked what people in a similar situation are doing about their return to work.

@mummytippy I think you have had a hard time, people are quite black and white in here. I don't think your company sound great and they should be supporting you. My advice has tried to be balanced and unjudgemental as ever child is different.

I live opposite a 13 year old whom my DD has been at school with since about age 6. She's one of the cool kids, beautiful, bright, sporty, artistic. Yet she won't be alone at home, won't come home to an empty house etc. You wouldn't know it even if you knew her. It doesn't add up but she definitely wouldn't cope. You are not alone! Equally however, your employer may not see this.

I really hope you find a compromise with your employer.

If your child is in year 9 then in just over four years they may be going away to University. How are you going to get from (1) not leaving them home alone for a full day to (2) living on their own in that four year period? You are not preparing them for life.

@mooching thank you for understanding all children are different and have different needs

I wouldn't want to leave a 13 year old home 3 days a week until September either op. Your employer really should let you work from home at least some of the time.

You can only be furloughed for childcare if your employer agrees so i would park that. Instead concentrate on agreeing how you can work from home with your employer. I would go in saying that accounting can be done from home, so should be in the current circumstances. what system does your company use? most are securely robust and can be accessed from home in. at my company we started using receipt bank as the virus hit so that our book-keepers get all invoices remotely, And our accountants can access our Xero accounting system remotely. i would go in on the assumption your role should be done from home and merely look at the solutions to allow this.