Mini hitlers

[creaturcomforts]

I had an experience yesterday that actually really upset me and made me angry. I am a single parent to a 12 year old daughter, I have tried to limit the times I go shopping as I hate it.

Yesterday me and daughter were queuing outside Sainsbury's and I asked her if she felt ok to wait outside on her own, she said no as she has been a bit anxious about going out and I said we will wait and see if they will allow her in with me, if not she would wait outside and I would be as quick as I could.

Anyway, just as we were getting to the top of the queue and I was going to ask if she was allowed in with me, a lady shopper just exiting started a tirade about how I couldn't go in as two people together are not allowed, you are not allowed in and literally shouting at us and launching off. I was so embarrassed and to be honest I didn't want a confrontation so I asked daughter if she could wait for me and she had no choice really.

I had to go in at that point and got everything and came out but was angry as it was uncalled for and not her place to say, daughter and me have been in lockdown together and I obviously can't leave her alone.

I found it aggressive and bullying that the customer felt the need to point out that I should not be going in with my daughter but I didn't want to leave her outside alone. What do others think?

I think you should have completely ignored her and proceeded to explain your situation to the staff, who may well have been more sympathetic.

She was a idiot! Hope your daughter is ok

The words "Mind your own business!" come to mind! I really wouldn't let this sort of thing upset yo u.

This is the reason my cupboards are now practically bare and I can't face going shopping with DS.

I've no idea what I'm going to do he's 5. I just can't be bothered with the glares and the states and the comments. I literally can't muster the strength to face food shopping.

I may just pop to the corner shop for bread, milk, eggs cheese and ham and some crisps and pick up a kids takeaway meal a night for him fro the local kebab shop, I can live off toast and tea and he will be fine on the takeaway stuff for a while till I can face the supermarket 🤦🏻‍♀️

Yes, redolent I felt on the spot and guilty as everyone else was in their own but this shopper saw us and just launched into a lecture telling me I was breaking the rules and two people are not allowed. I feel stupid about it now, daughter was fine when I came out of the shop but I rushed round in a panic. Feel an idiot now but don't know why some people feel the need to judge. The assistant was there as we where next in but didn't want to know.

I think the woman was an utter tit and had no right at all to have a go at you.

Unrelated to her behaviour, though, would it not have been more comfortable for you and your daughter for her to stay at home whilst you went to the shops alone?

@SeperatedSwans

Please face the supermarket and be strong for your child. The signs are clear: no two adults together. You’re absolutely fine. Stand your ground, ignore any stares.

I was thinking all the way round, mind your own business, I will be prepared next time!

Can a 12 year old not stay at home for an hour while you do the shopping? Sorry ive only got a toddler so ntk sure of the rules!

Or you could do a click and collect?

Or.you could ignore her and do what you need to do? Don't be a pushover!

Dont let this woman get to you. People are loving the opportunity to give others grief at the minute.
I do agree grown up couples or whole families should not be going shopping together but she is 12 so obviously she will be with you and you had every right to take her in with you

Yes I did feel a pushover and afterwards felt completely angry with myself as I didn't say anything. She doesn't look 12 as she's almost as tall as I am. Haven't had any bad experiences with shopping so far this just surprised me, a little compassion goes a long way at the moment I feel,but the current situation brings out the worst in some people.

Thousand mile stare eyes forward total silence, totally ignoring her. Tantrums need an audience.

The great thing about this response is how you use it in pretty much every angry dickhead situation. It's my favourite. They feel stupid quite soon. Or other people intervene to shout back. Or all ignore too which is the worst for drama llamas. After a short while somebody else in the queue would have thought, hey, maybe she's a single parent and get angry on your behalf.

I would not have left the child outside where the lunatic was too. Mind you, I always do the exact opposite of what any shouty person demands anyway.

I would worry pp, no one would raise an eyebrow at a 5 year old, I’m guessing it’s because the child was 12 which to be fair unless there is sen which hasn’t been mentioned could have stayed at home.

No it is not her place to say anything at all . This makes me very angry as we are all struggling but does not give anyone to take it out on others . I hope this woman feels ashamed of herself it's not on , I hope your dc is ok.
There was a small child about 3 in the shop near me this morning the dad was just letting him walk about obviously at that age no idea about social distancing. I of course wouldn't say anything it's not my place but the parent could of kept a hold of him if he simply had to bring him to the shop .

Wouldn't worry*!!

That woman was actually a coward. It's likely that there would have been couples out shopping as well, but she would not have dared to say anything to them, fearing the response she would get. She saw you as any easy target to vent her rage on.

So ignore her. You know your child and should continue to what you feel is right for her.

Last time I went shopping there was a group of three adults, three children and a baby in a pram in the queue. Nobody in the queue approached them. I may have been concerned but thought it was up to the shop staff to speak to them if they saw fit.

So next time, stand your ground and tell any other shopper it's up to the staff to make decisions about who is allowed to enter, not them!

Brieandcheddar.sorry you feel worried about taking your little one shopping with you, most definitely you should not worry about going to the shops, yes I agree some 12 year olds are fine alone for a short time but all different depending on their comfort level. I did feel guilty about leaving her alone, she finds having to go out and the rules really strange so I try not to take her out but when I have to it's been a struggle

I find going to the little shops, like the butcher or convenience store much less stressful. That's a horrible experience for you and your dd; this is really bringing out some people's inner cunt

Strange that you took her though - better all round if she'd stayed at home? I'd happily leave a child of that age alone for as much as a day.

Auntlousia, all kids are different though, before the Coronavirus outbreak I would have to pop to the shops alone as no choice but it's been a strange and frightening time for her. She's been really anxious, and scared, I really don't like leaving her alone

Not every shop has this morrisons doesnt they even let 2 adults in which I am not saying is right as was v hard to socially distance when I went Saturday but there were a few single parents with kids with no issues.

I'd be very concerned if a child of that age couldn't cope with being left alone at home for an hour or 2 (also a single mum). Sometimes you just have to do it, and they learn from that experience. Put a DVD on if necessary.

@Auntlouisa

Surely you know that not all 12 year olds are the same? Some 12 year olds are mature for their age but there are some that are on the Autism spectrum, some with severe anxiety, some with serious mental health issues or some with special needs. Most but not all 12 year olds can be left alone.

I certainly didn't take my daughter in with me for the fun of it, as it would definitely have been easier to leave her at home than face queues and people standing in a line all wanting to just get in and get their shopping done? Daughter has had problems before with anxiety and no she doesn't have sen but why should people take the opportunity to launch a tirade?

Yes I totally think it's my fault as I should have stated my case. It just surprised me that's all

That sounds like a horrible experience OP. My guess is that because your daughter is nearly as tall as you the woman mistakenly thought she was older, perhaps even an adult, so mistakenly thought you were breaking the rules. Even so, there was no reason for her to act in such a vile and aggressive way, she sounds unhinged.

I doubt this will happen again, but if anybody does challenge you again, just be ready to state calmly that your daughter is 12, you are a single parent and she has anxiety issues. You are not obligated to explain this to anyone, but it might be the most straightforward way to diffuse the situation and most people would probably understand and drop the subject.

These are trying times, people's patience is being tested, and some are getting angry through fear and stress. Try not to let your own fear and anxiety prevent you from leaving the house to do essential food shopping, or take a walk in the sunshine - getting out now and then is better than being a prisoner in your own home, even though there are some odd people about.