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Original poster

Can't cope

18 replies

eyesbiggerthanstomach · 07/05/2020 14:41

I have just found out that I have been put on furlough because my performance last week in terms of output was low. I do have the work to do but I wasn't as productive last week as was struggling with my toddler. I'm separated and doing it alone. It wouldn't have been an issue as the work could have been made up the following weeks with the same output result.

Now because I didn't bust a gut that week I have been put on furlough. I feel I'm definitely more of a redundancy risk now especially as they brought someone back from furlough to help out when I go on furlough. I have jeopardised everything in my future and toddler's future housing etc because last week I wasn't working hard. It's all my fault for not waking early or staying late in the evening to do it. I hate myself for it and wish I was dead. I don't have life insurance though so what's the point. Who will look after my toddler if I die though?

Father wouldn't be up to it so it would be his parents or my parents. Toddler is napping now but I can't face dealing with anything. House is disgusting and I can't cope.

OP posts:

Mischance · 07/05/2020 14:44

I am sorry that you are struggling. It is very very hard indeed to work at full capacity at home with a toddler to care for!

Do you belong to a union? Maybe you could ring them and ask whether they would be able to speak up for you if the risk of redundancy arises.

DownWhichOfLate · 07/05/2020 14:46

Are you sure it was a “you’re not good enough, we will furlough you” rather than “you are struggling, we will furlough you”? Childcare reasons are enough to furlough. Stop being so hard on yourself.

Lovemyphone · 07/05/2020 14:46

You can do this.

I get that being put on furlough is a kick in the guts right now. I'm in similar I'm wfh with a young child, only I can't be furloughed, so instead I'm doing a shit job of everything. We've been put in an impossible situation.

But look, this time will pass, we don't know when, but better times are ahead. It's just about getting through this period.

Lovemyphone · 07/05/2020 14:47

This too. The government have said that people can be furloughed for childcare reasons.

Original poster

eyesbiggerthanstomach · 07/05/2020 14:48

Apparently they just looked at the weekly data and looked at my salary and then put me on it as I got flagged up to them.

OP posts:

Newnamedillydally · 07/05/2020 14:56

Please don’t be so hard on yourself, you are in an incredibly difficult situation. Which I do understand as I’m also trying to wfh full time with a 1 year old and a 4 year old. I really hope that your management have just realised how impossible it is to get work done with young children in the house completely dependent on you and have furloughed you to help.

Ozzie9523 · 07/05/2020 15:01

Sounds like you have an awful employer OP :(

Pokemontrainer · 07/05/2020 15:17

What an awful employer any decent manager or work place would have called and explained.

Original poster

eyesbiggerthanstomach · 07/05/2020 16:02

I know they just didn't give me a time to fix the situation. The face they have brought someone else in shows it's a performance issue. I am struggling to function I know a lot of people are in their situation but my coping mechanisms are poor.

OP posts:

tootiredtospeak · 07/05/2020 16:23

Take a deep breath its just a job your life is way more important than a job. You could be massively overthinking it and this could work out much better for you right now.

Dialdownthedrama · 07/05/2020 16:40

It's okay. If they brought back someone from furlough to put you on furlough that suggests they're under pressure as a business so have done what they felt they needed to do.

It doesn't mean you've failed as a person or as an employee. It means you were struggling and they've come up with a solution.

Don't take it personally.

Elieza · 07/05/2020 17:44

Let’s just recap: you’re on 80% of your salary and can now stay at home without having to work, and can look after the love of your life, your darling child, and you wish you were dead? That’s not rational. Take a deep breath and think about this.

You should certainly NOT have to get up early or work late to hit targets when you’re having to deal with childcare. Nobody can do that. It’s too much to do the same as before plus childcare. If you did that you would end up with nervous exhaustion, unable to look after dc as you would be burned out. If not this week it would have happened next week or the week after. It was only a matter of time.

Perhaps your employer is trying to give all those with caring responsibilities the opportunity to do that. Like on a rota. So in a few weeks you may be back working again when it’s someone else’s turn.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. You arent a miracle worker. You’re a parent doing the best job you can under difficult circumstances.

KatySun · 07/05/2020 18:13

I totally get this as a single parent eyes, it is so scary being the financial provider and the main carer when everything is so uncertain.

But you are right, you (like many parents, including single parents) have been put in an impossible situation. As you say, the only way you could have coped was to work early in the morning and late at night, which would have affected your health and well-being (been there, done that).

I don’t think I am coping today either. This morning I wanted to walk out the house and keep walking. I won’t derail your thread with my troubles but I honestly bet that we are not the only ones who feel like we cannot cope. But we don’t have much of a choice and we are stronger than we think. We have to be.

One of my friends said to me a couple of weekends ago, there is yesterday, today and tomorrow, so focus on that, not what happens in weeks and months because truly, at the moment, no-one knows.

Your DD has a wonderful mum who she needs. Take one day at a time. Keep yourself healthy and well and try and enjoy the time with your DD.

MNHQ

ClaraMumsnet · 07/05/2020 18:38

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

OP, we're sorry this is such a difficult time.

kingkuta · 07/05/2020 18:42

This could work out really well for you OP. Ypu have 80% of your salary and now have time to look after your DD. Try not to be so hard on yourself, it wont be forever. Enjoy the time you'll have with your DD

TheGreatWave · 07/05/2020 20:10

OP how are you now? As others have said please look at this as your employer giving you a break. There has been many posters who are still working feeling that they are now having to do the work of those on furlough too, so the expectations may have been unachievable anyway.

Take this opportunity to take a break, get on top of some of the other things causing stress, and focus on the toddler rather than trying to keep on spinning all the plates like you have been.

Original poster

eyesbiggerthanstomach · 07/05/2020 21:44

Thanks all. I know I am catastrophising but that's anxiety. It's impossible to think rationally.

I appreciate I should spend my time with DS and enjoy that but it's hard when I have this dark cloud hanging over me.

OP posts:

KatySun · 07/05/2020 22:10

I know it is hard.

Do you have any outside support for the anxiety?

I take anti-depressants. I had come off them and was quite okay until this crisis hit and now I am back on them. It is a crisis, it is perfectly normal to feel anxious - but do reach out to people, including your GP and health visitor for example, in real life. I am not suggesting you need medication, just that reaching out is important.

As for cleaning the house, set yourself one small area a day; it will be chaos if you have been working and looking after a small child so don’t feel you need to tackle it all at once. Start with one area and do a bit a day until you are on top of it. I always feel better when I can reduce some of the chaos around me. My job tomorrow is sorting the laundry pile on the sofa. Open your windows and get some fresh air in. Make sure you go out for your daily walk and you eat as healthily as you can. I am trying to cut down on screen time (I say whilst typing -!) because I think it is making me feel worse.

Sorry I don’t know where I got DD from in my previous post when you have a DS.

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