Is it just me, or is this working from home with children completely unsustainable?

[Lovemyphone]

I'm terrified that the schools will remain closed until September.

I'm wfh with two dc. Youngest is 4, as the weeks go by it's becoming more and more unbearable and I can't do it much longer. I'm on my own because dh is still out at work. My employer have been pretty good and taken a 'just do what you can when you can' approach. But the work is picking up again, at the same time the dc are climbing the walls now.

I can't even make a phone call or do an online meeting without constant "mummyyy", or one of them hurting themselves, or asking for snacks, or trashing the house.

Surely it's neglect to essentially leave your children unsupervised for 7-8 hours a day? Which is essentially what you're expected to do.

Is anyone else in this position and just cannot possibly see how this can go on?

@Cathster I have the same problem. My manager was really supportive about flexible hours, told me just to block out time in my diary to indicate when I am / am not available. So I tried. But nobody appears to be checking my diary before setting up meetings.

The problem I am finding with “blocking out time” is that my son isn’t always predictable. He was napping at around 12-2 when this first started. He’s been intermittently waking at 430am and so is now napping much earlier. I can plan around his sleep schedule. He’s 13 months and it isn’t predictable.

*cant

I don't know if this has already been posted, but this www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/education/2020/apr/06/uk-councils-face-lawsuits-over-access-to-education-in-lockdown. Is an interesting point. I'm not advocating for sueing government /councils, but I understand the sentiment behind it

@Cathster I have the same problem. My manager was really supportive about flexible hours, told me just to block out time in my diary to indicate when I am / am not available. So I tried. But nobody appears to be checking my diary before setting up meetings.

My boss’s PA is a nightmare for this. An awful lot of ‘most people are free at this time, Jassy I know you’re blocked out at this time but can you make this a priority?’ Luckily my boss is totally understanding but I did reach my limit this week and just refused.

But I am incredibly lucky to be relatively senior (so I can be a bit hardline about what I’m attending and what I’m delegating) in an organisation that is actually supportive rather than just paying lip service. My CEO has teenagers and seems to find a 4 year old wandering in during a meeting nostalgically charming while I desperately bribe him to go away so I can actually concentrate on what she’s saying and get the job done efficiently.

And still I’m exhausted. DH and I are nearly broken. People who don’t have these advantages and have even younger children have my total respect and sympathy.

Jassy I am thanking my lucky stars that either people 1) realise I am going to decline if they schedule it during the “childcare” 3 hours of my day or 2) my admin moves it for me ... agree that seniority helps!

My admin is a complete star. She’s been on a mission to carve out 30 min in my schedule each day so I can actually eat lunch vs hours back to back on calls

Would it be an idea to take some holidays to help alleviate the pressure? I can’t see anyone going away this summer so why not just take a day off here and there and get your DH’s to do the same on different days.

Would it be an idea to take some holidays to help alleviate the pressure? I can’t see anyone going away this summer so why not just take a day off here and there and get your DH’s to do the same on different days.

I appreciate the sentiment behind your post but don't you think most of us have already thought of that? I have about 10 days holiday left to take before September, and I imagine many people have even less than that. Even if I take just one day off a week I will have used all of that allocation by the end of July. Then what? Even if schools are open by then, there's the summer holidays to think about. Because we have no idea what is going to happen we can't plan anything.

Yes OP for many it is completely unsustainable, as is the current lockdown.

Something has to give soon and in all likelihood that something will be "women's careers". I want to find a bat and drop-kick it into the fucking sun

I could not agree with you more.

It’s unsustainable and mine are School years 10 and 12😂

I had advertised before lockdown when I was still working in London for a cleaner / mother’s help because the mess I was coming home to and my daughter needs extra help.

Single mum and they have an abusive father, so there’s no let up. We’ve all had the virus in the two weeks running up to lockdown. Usually strong but lockdown is getting to me now - I know we need it but sensible lifting of some eg a cleaner / mother’s help would be amazing. I have a demanding job, teenagers really aren’t coping with lockdown so they’re needing a lot of support emotionally, supervising mock exams (my daughter has access provisions) trying to get my younger one to work rather than Xbox while I’m working (I’ve had a call from the school), help him with work he doesn’t understand etc and watch them make a constant mess while I’m working.

Sorry - exhausted currently 😀

Would it be an idea to take some holidays to help alleviate the pressure? I can’t see anyone going away this summer so why not just take a day off here and there and get your DH’s to do the same on different days.

It's a bit depressing to realise how stupid all these posters think that we dual working parents with young children must be not to have worked this stuff out. Use leave! Have you considered working when the kids are asleep! Etc

Yes, we're trying to have one of us take off one day a week, which does help. But both of us still end up doing some work on that day, and it still leaves 6 days of general madness.

We're also concerned because we took 2 weeks in January to visit our parents who live overseas, so with 10 days left each we can't do it every week or we'll run out by October, which then leaves us with zero days for anything that comes up with kids, to see family after lockdown eases a bit, for Christmas holidays etc.

Taking leave might be an option for more if we knew when childcare was likely to be available. If this balancing act is to go on for the next 4 months or longer then even one day a week quickly runs out. Plus my son usually goes to holiday club for some of the summer holidays and that might not be available even if schools do go back this academic year so we need to save holidays for that.

I'm dreading the battles tomorrow between work and kids. My work in banking requires constant communication so I have to be focused during work hours and DH is also on calls all day. Today my eldest yelled at me when I asked him to do something, I asked why he was being rude, he said I did the same when I was working and he asked me for something. Obv I didnt remember!! I was so upset that I cried. I've been making mistakes at work too, which thankfully people were understanding but I felt really bad. I'm neither here nor there. And there is no way out.

Oh @blissful201 I really feel for you. It’s so tough and even worse when the kids start picking up on our behaviours. My eldest certainly has and is being much more challenging recently. You are doing the very best you can in a crap situation so please try not to be too hard on yourself.

I’m also dreading next week as I have been booked into back to back meetings most of the week. DH’s calendar is more flexible but as a social worker he can be called for an emergency at any point (and usually happens at least a few times a day at the moment) which is an absolute nightmare if I’m also on a client call. My head hurts just thinking about it.

I appreciate the sentiment behind your post but don't you think most of us have already thought of that? I have about 10 days holiday left to take before September, and I imagine many people have even less than that. Even if I take just one day off a week I will have used all of that allocation by the end of July. Then what? Even if schools are open by then, there's the summer holidays to think about. Because we have no idea what is going to happen we can't plan anything.

And even if you take a day off the work is still there, plus whatever piled up on your day off. It’s a false economy really.

I'd love to take leave but as we're rolling a furlough through our team the workload is awful. Plus if this does go on to September, there's just not enough leave to help out, especially if your OH is a keyworker and they aren't able to take leave as easily at the moment. I've still got 20 days but that's not going to last long for the rest of the year.

Does that imply that your firm has taken the piss out of the Furlough scheme Ann if the work is still there?

Jassy - is that true normally? That shouldn’t be the case when you take holidays. What jobs are you doing? Seems to me like some of these employers are taking the piss.

I'm not sure - possibly. Our problem is they told the department so include X number on furlough, as all work has dropped generally, but for various reasons this ended up occuring in just one of the two teams in our department.

I'd say it's slightly more that the work has dropped, but maybe not as much as expected.

With impeccable timing, I finally got around to catching up with last week's Economist and this was one of their leader articles - Open Schools First - some extracts attached

I think that’s what the government want to avoid Ann, companies using furlough when actually they could continue employing some of not all staff. Your workload shouldn’t have increased as a result of Furlough. I feel for you though because it’s almost impossible to
Look after kids and work at the same time. Some kids educational progress will be hit so badly by this but through the fault of no one which is sad.

Jassy - is that true normally? That shouldn’t be the case when you take holidays. What jobs are you doing? Seems to me like some of these employers are taking the piss.

If I go away for a week or more, work gets delegated or delayed. A day off here and there? People don’t go looking for my deputies, they wait for my input.

The seniority that allows me at least some flexibility is a double edged sword.

*And even if you take a day off the work is still there, plus whatever piled up on your day off. It’s a false economy really.

Jassy - is that true normally? That shouldn’t be the case when you take holidays. What jobs are you doing? Seems to me like some of these employers are taking the piss.*

Yes, this is true for my job to an extent. Obviously if I took a day's AL I don't "attend" zoom meetings, but I am still expected to catch up on what was agreed. My job is largely project-based and we are assigned different tasks depending on what projects we are working on, so it's not usual that I would hand over to someone else for one day's holiday.