AIBU to be scared DH has been told he has to go back to work on Monday when we have a medically vulnerable child?

[1800swoman]

My DH has been told he has to return to work tomorrow before the end of lockdown and our 11 year old Autistic son also has medical issues that in our view put him at great risk from the Corona virus, however like so many people with severe and chronic medical conditions he has not been included on the list.

Our son can and has on many occasions suffered anaphalactic shock as a reaction to viral infections this includes, breathing difficulties due to constriction of his airways with wheeze, extremely high high temperatures, lip swelling and tongue swelling and collapse. Reactions commonly last for 2 weeks or more and on 7 occasions after collapse we have had to call paramedics and be rushed to hospital during bouts of flu which he gets every year inspite of having a flu jab. This is not an exaggeration to say a severe reaction could kill him. My DH believes that if he says to his boss he cannot go back to work he will be dismissed and that having a conversation with his boss about remaining furloughed is not even a possibility. To me it is clear that our son's safety comes before all other considerations. DH sees this but is unable to make the call.

My eldest is autistic and has cerebral palsy so on the vulnerable but not shielded list. DH is wfh at the moment but will have to go back eventually. As DD will have to go back to school and so will her younger sister.

Its scary but as others have said although we will be hopefully in a much better situation coronavirus will still be around for some time yet and unless you can be in it for the long, long haul there will come a time when everyone has to go back out again. There will be many people like you and I who are faced with a choice (that isnt really a choice at all) that goes against our instincts as a mother and its shit. So please know that I empathise with you

All you can do is take precautions as Im sure you are now anyway and know that even if eventually he does catch the virus (which I very much hope doesn't happen) he is still far likely to be okay than not.

I don't see the point in him having a discussion with his employer. Unless his job can easily be done at home, they are very unlikely to allow him to stay at home until a vaccine is found. By flagging this, he will putting himself on the radar if they are making redundancies down the line.
As you'll be homeschooling, I assume you need the income. Another posters suggestions about decontamination process and discussing plans with your GP sound good.

I sometimes feel that shielding children are a forgotten group that don’t get mentioned

Our (NHS) policies would allow paid Carers leave in some situations if a parent had a shielded child i.e. for a single parent. Evidence such as the shielding letter would be required and I understand the OP doesn’t have that as yet?

Both our son’s are on the shielded list. Fortunately DH has been able to work from home until now but should he have to go back to work before our 12 weeks are up he will be moving out for a while. Not ideal but we are fortunate enough to be a 2 parent family and nothing is worth risking the children’s health

I appreciate your worries but I think there are things you can do to minimise the risk e.g changing clothes. Other people have given you good suggestions. I hope they help.

Unfortunately, even those who are officially shielding, we cannot expect employers to keep family members working from home if not practical.

Such a stressful time for many people though.

Having a child with health issues is always a worry, but you cannot realistically live in isolation endlessly, will you be sending your son back to school? your DH needs to work to pay the bills.
If he takes the right precautions I’m sure it’ll be fine, please don’t let your son be aware of your anxiety.

either you move out or banish him

He should definitely talk to his boss. He shouldn't just say he can't go back to work but should explain the situation and see what his employer comes up with.

People can't stay on furlough forever but nobody should be returning to a non-essential job until their employer has:

1. considered wfh (I assume this is not possible)

2. put in place whatever measures they can to enable proper social distancing and hand hygiene

HSE have said -

Where HSE identifies employers who are not taking action to comply with the relevant public health legislation and guidance to control public health risks, eg employers not taking appropriate action to socially distance or ensure workers in the shielded category can follow the NHS advice to self-isolate for the period specified, we will consider taking a range of actions to improve control of workplace risks. These actions include the provision of specific advice to employers through to issuing enforcement notices to help secure improvements with the guidance.

www.hse.gov.uk/news/social-distancing-coronavirus.htm

Is he in a union? If not, now's the time to join, before he gets into any dispute with his employer.

Is the commute a particular issue? Could he stagger his hours so he's travelling when it's less busy? Is walking / cycling / driving an option? Would it be possible to transfer to a site closer to home?