I cannot do this anymore

[madnessitellyou]

Don’t know why I’m posting.

Work ft, as does dh. Two dc. Eldest dc’s school have set loads of work; youngest’s hasn’t and what they have set requires huge amounts of help to login/set up/help with the laptop etc.

My job is very demanding and I’m in meetings all day every day (my manager is doing nothing to address this - I have been quite direct in asking for help). I cannot do any school work with dc2 - I don’t even have time for lunch let alone source material - and dc1 has been in a foul mood all day.

I have had enough of this. I’m a crap parent and a crap employee.

I'm really angry that the government has not laid down firmer rules on this. Women already do more housework and childcare than men. Now we're supposed to somehow do two jobs at once, pretend to both that we're only doing one.

It's ludicrous.

Please, please, please don’t beat yourself up about this OP. What we’re being asked to do is literally an impossible task.

You’re a million miles from crap. You’re doing an awesome job in the shittiest of circumstances.

You are not rubbish- my husband & I have been furloughed, we have no work & 6 kids. I had an email today saying my 15 year old was a pupil that had done less than 20% of the work set since 23/03, my 18year old has no more work & just sits on Xbox in his room, the 13 year old just sits in her room (doing school work via zoom withe her mates). There's also the 7 year old that cries & kick off whenever we suggest doing what the school have set, then the 3 & 2 year olds run riot. If anything we are the shit parents- but I still refuse to let it get me down, we are all trying and this is not the be all and end all of the rest of our lives. Look after yourself & don't let it get you down.

FWIW it’s worth you are presently expected to be:

• FT Parent. As your kids are there in your home so they need parenting.

• FT member of staff. Present, dedicated, “on”.
• Teaching Assistant. Because Google Classroom won’t switch on itself.

It’s bullshit.

Oh OP, I absolutely understand and sympathise. It's so frustrating and stressful trying to 1) look after children, all the while thinking/worrying about the work you know is piling up, or 2) working, but knowing you are necessarily then neglecting your children. It's a nightmare and like you I am utterly desperate.

DP and I both work FT (obviously now WFH) and our DC are 12, 8 and 3. The 12 year old is actually brilliant at getting on with her online lessons and assessments. 8 year old needs loads of support and supervision. 3 year old has become so clingy since lockdown - I think she's bewildered by the abrupt loss of nursery, routines, friends - and needs constant entertainment and engagement with an adult. Even though DP and I share the load fairly equally, like you I feel I am not doing my role as a parent or employee well.

I am trying hard to focus only on the most essential parts of my job (I am fortunate in having an amazing LM and close knit team), and not to worry too much about home schooling for the 8 year old. He spends a lot of each day on BBC bitesize following the class clips on there. When I spoke to his teacher on the phone last week I told her politely but firmly that I don't have time to upload the tasks he's done to the school portal. She was very understanding.

Sorry, didn't mean to post such a marathon. You've opened the floodgates! I think it sounds like you're doing your absolute best, which is all that you can do in the circumstances. Let's hope we soon see some kind of easing back into schools.

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut you have nailed it. It's a physical and mental impossibility to do all of those roles FT and simultaneously.

I'm in a very similar situation and I have cried today. I'm exhausted.

I promise I'm crapper than you right now.

It’s a massive energy drain to feel like you’re not doing anything right, but it’s absolutely not you!!! These are not normal circumstances.

My husband works full time and has regularly worked from home for two days a week for a long time now. I have three five and under at home and we usually homeschool. On paper we should be good at this, but lockdown is SO MUCH for children. We were doing okay but they are really feeling it this week. I’m here for my children full time but my three year old got so upset yesterday that the noise was commented on in a meeting. They miss the park, they miss their extended family. It’s raining, so they haven’t even got the sunshine to cheer them up.

We have a very relaxed homeschool approach. Your children will be okay if they spend a season just doing their own thing. Whatever makes them happy. If they don’t know, it’s a good time to try and figure it out!

As for your work, they sound unsupportive and unrealistic. Even if they refuse to show flexibility elsewhere, you should absolutely be getting a lunch break! You need to reset, get a screen break and check in with your family. If you don’t know where to start with asking for more flexibility, maybe lunch break is a good one to go with.

We’ve learned a lot about balancing work, kids and learning in our home. This is such an extreme version. Our house is having to do so much more, all of us home every day. Have you got something that makes you all feel relaxed you could do together one evening? A movie or a game night or something? Just ignore the daily chores and try and get some calm in before you have to do it all over again?

For those who are interested, I’ve written a lot about the things we have learned to keep everything in balance at livelearntogether.co.uk/how-to-live-work-and-learn-at-home-all-day/

livelearntogether.co.uk/the_secret_to_a_successful_home_based_day/

I’ve had a lot of “how do you do it all day?” Questions Since lockdown began and this was the easiest way to answer them.

I wish you the best of luck tomorrow. And I hope you have some time this evening to recharge. This is a season and it will pass. One day at a time is all you can do.

How old is Dc2? Before we had school work setup, I printed some sheets of Twinkl (free resources) and made up some booklets of about 5-6 pages. I had about 8. It would have taken 30 minutes to print, sort and staple, and of course only kept my son busy for about that long each day but it was something I could give him that he could get on with, without help.

You are doing the best you can and it is good enough for the situation!

You’re describing my life. I’m a single parent and I’ve never felt frustrated with my DC before lockdown (just one DC and she’s a dream), but trying to keep her entertained, work, make food and clean up, get her to do school work has pushed me to the brink of my patience levels.. and the worst bit, I’m doing so terribly at parenting all day that she’s not tired at night and being silly, so I’m just sat here, in her bedroom making sure she isn’t running around and is getting sleep, so I’m currently having absolutely no downtime.

I think we are all pretty crap.

My job requires me to record my time. I'm meant to do at least 6 hours a day. I'm averaging 2 a day.

I have shouted at my 2 year old non stop today and sent him to bed upset. I need to now log back on to do some work but am knackered from all the destruction.

I am a separated from DH so all alone with him.

I just hope nursery reopens before I end up losing my job which will happen at this rate!!

Thanks, I feel like I’ve calmed down a bit!

Dc1 is nearly 13 and fairly self-sufficient but my 9 year old dc2 needs a lot help with things school-wise. It’s not all falling on me; dh is helping too.

I’ve got a week off in May but I’ve no leave left other than that until the end of August.

Why is DH 'helping' not sharing equal responsibility if you both work ft?

Stop doing the school work.

We made a list of things that my child could do alone - she's 5. She has to decide to do some of those things every day, and it can't be the same things every day. The list is quite long - 20 things now I'm looking at it.

In the morning we work out which things she's going to do, and when. We then basically leave her to it. It goes wrong - yesterday she watched a lot of TV because it was raining and none of us could be arsed.

Ah well. I'm a teacher!!

I feel the same. Just had a complete meltdown because I think my head is going to explode.
Had an email from school today to say my son didn't do his maths last week, he did but, because they've made it so complicated I printed off set 2 work and he's set 1 so none of what he did counts. School won't accept that so he has 10 hours of maths to do this week, which is my fault. I've had another email to advise me I need to prioritise his education, try telling my work that! A further three emails with work attached, plus 7 pieces of work added to the homework app - that's in one day!
I can't do it any more.

Can your DC1 help your 9yo? Just in terms of looking for Twinkl worksheets and/or finding appropriate apps for them to play/learn?

Khan Academy has been recommended on MN. Even if the 9yo is not doing school issued work they'd still be practicing maths and literacy etc.

Stop doing the school work, make sure the 9 year old does some reading and writing practice then do some school work at the weekend

It’s so difficult. We’re both trying to work FT and homeschool two children. I feel like there is never any downtime. Plus there is mess/clutter everywhere, which is starting to get to me. (My cleaner obviously isn’t coming at the moment ).

Fortunately my employer is being reasonable. They realise that WFH isn’t something we’re doing by choice. Their approach is “you are not working from home, you are in your home, trying to work in the middle of a global crisis.” Reframing it in this way has really helped me with perspective and I’m less stressed about my drop in productivity as a result.

I really feel for you and many many people are feeling the same. It isn't you, and I think now we are six weeks in people are starting to realise it is impossible to carry on like this. Something has to give.

First I would suggest you tell school you cannot do the school work. Ask them to prioritise and tell you the one most important thing and offer to do your best to cover that. Bear in mind that the teachers are still being paid and probably feel compelled to put on a performance of carrying on teaching, they are probably well aware that it is impossible for many families to deliver what they are asking.

Could you take unpaid parental leave? You are legally entitled to it.

Just in case it cheers any one up don't forget next week on Friday it is a bank holiday , so only 4 days of this shit next week !

Honestly op, it's a fucking hideous, impossible situation.

I work p/t and my work are being pretty flexible and I'm still finding it impossible. It wasn't too bad the first couple of weeks, but I've got two dc at home, youngest is 4. As the weeks go on he's getting naughtier because he's getting fed up.

He won't do anything alone, he wants my undivided attention, constant snacks, he's started throwing all the cushions and bedding around making dens so I'm downstairs trying to do a bit of work and he's upstairs trashing the place.

I've tried everything, sitting him at the table with me with various activities but it soon escalates into a screaming tantrum. The only thing that keeps him happy while I work is screens, but screens make the behaviour worse in the long run.

My head is just about ready to explode.

They need to stop this stupid bloody lockdown !!!

www.eadt.co.uk/news/praise-for-stowmarket-head-for-home-teaching-advice-during-coronavirus-lockdown-1-6584303

This guy is talking sense.

Please don't be so hard on yourself