I cannot do this anymore

[madnessitellyou]

Don’t know why I’m posting.

Work ft, as does dh. Two dc. Eldest dc’s school have set loads of work; youngest’s hasn’t and what they have set requires huge amounts of help to login/set up/help with the laptop etc.

My job is very demanding and I’m in meetings all day every day (my manager is doing nothing to address this - I have been quite direct in asking for help). I cannot do any school work with dc2 - I don’t even have time for lunch let alone source material - and dc1 has been in a foul mood all day.

I have had enough of this. I’m a crap parent and a crap employee.

[formerbabe]

You can't do it because it's impossible ...teaching is an actual job, they're not volunteers who pop in whilst they're working in other jobs...

[Babyroobs]

feeling similar here. We are both trying to work from home with 4 teenagers in the house who should be doing school work but frequently sleep in until 11am then seem to be on Xbox a lot. I have to make calls to clients whilst coping with barking dogs etc. It's all a bit too much. My work wasn't geared up to home working I have to call from a tiny Nokia phone which is ancient and no shredder etc so shredding confidential stuff with a pair of scissors.

[Andorra155]

You can only do what you can do. You are not crap at all. In your shoes I would try to do half an hour with each child in the evenings and an hour on a sat and Sun (assuming you work Mon to Fri). I'm not saying you should do that at all but just that's what I would try and do as it would make me feel I was achieving something with them without totally taking away much needed weekend time. A half way house I guess.

[whatisheupto]

I really think you need to speak to your manager and find a way to lighten the work load a bit. If you're anything like me, you'll keep doing more and more work given to you until you find you are a shell of yourself.... which is the point you've got to. I know it's hard but can you try and change things at work, however small?

And also delegate to DH some more. Again, if you don't ask you won't get. You shouldn't HAVE to ask but unfortunately you probably do have to. (Sorry if your DH is actually fab and doing half of everything).

[WineLover1234]

You are not a crap parent or employee. I'm sure there's thousands of parents in the same situation as you at the moment. Don't be too hard on yourself. No one knows how hard this must be unless they are in your shoes. Both working and being a parent the same time? Not crap, you are superwoman!!!

[MintyMabel]

9? Meh. Forget the schoolwork and let him entertain himself.

One less stress.

[DamnYankee]

Just do the minimum amount of schoolwork.

Kids will all be behind when they go back. Instead of spending maybe six weeks of reviewing material like they normally do I think teachers will spend the first half of the school year playing catch-up.

[Concerned7777]

You really aren't the only one feeling like a failure. My youngest has been babysat by the tv and a colouring book until 7PM today whilst I've been glued to the phone all day. Working full time and parenting full time is just an impossibility task. No real advice other than words of empathy that you are certainly not alone in this crappy situation xx

[Gil55]

Seriously? What is with this panic to home school the kids? I take my hat off to those parents who are managing to do it all but if you're not - who cares? When did schoolwork become the be all and end all? Your kids will catch up and will be the better for having a parent who's not stressed out their nut. There's just no way you can work productively and home school and keep your sanity - just can't be done. Let it go and have a glass of wine. All will be fine.

[Concerned7777]

@Gil55 my worry isn't about home schooling that went out the window week 1 but hes 5 he still needs supervising majority of the day. How is it logistical to supervise him and work at the same time? My employer is aware of my situation and is probably cutting me some slack but I still cant do both at the same time.

[madnessitellyou]

On the plus side, my 9 year old is now bloody brilliant at Minecraft. Dc2 hates school so is just about the only one in this house quite enjoying themselves...

I had six meetings today. Seven tomorrow. Just argh. I’m a senior manager and am cutting my team all sorts of slack. I think I’ve forgotten myself in all of this.

[Runningfar]

Gill55 for me it isn't about homeschooling, it's basic supervision of a small child.

I don't know about other dc, but my 4yo isn't really into entertaining himself unless it's watching screens, which then just stores up bad behaviour.

He will play alone for maybe half an hour, but it isn't long enough to get any meaningful work done.

The other problem is that as the weeks go by, he's getting more fed up and frustrated and beginning to do naughty things. This could be throwing toys in frustration, or jumping on beds, things that could result in someone getting hurt.

I don't really understand how any small child can entertain themselves for 8 hours. Any other time it would be called neglect.

[PaulHollywoodsSexGut]

@madnessitellyou

You need to draw a list of what you have on.

You need to list out what each thing entails.

You need to send that list to the team member best placed to be able to take it forward.

You need to then copy in the internal/external client and say “due to conflicting priorities, Derek will be leading on [x] for the day to day operational elements. I will be overseeing and checking work if need be and remain the overseer of this project”

or words to that effect

That means you can free yourself up from the operational shit and organise your time for the stuff that “really matters”.

You definitely need to put a hard stop to some of your meetings though and explain you can’t attend [x] because you have a diary clash. Ask the meeting organiser for an agenda to see what is actually being discussed. If you are the organiser set the agenda and if you need 30 mins to get through 3 agenda items keep to a hard 10 mins max each.

If a colleague is put out by your diary clash being “their meeting” vs “tear Johnny away from Minecraft and give him a tin of beans”, it’s an appointment. So tough shit to your colleagues.

OP, I have a strong sense your colleagues are probably majority younger and haven’t got children?

I would also suggest you perhaps put a sentence at the bottom of your email signature to say “I will be offline between x and y every day (I have 1230 - 1430) and will be required to go offline at times shirt notice. Please check my diary should you need to know my availability”.

I’ve had to do all this as I nearly lost my fucking marbles at 2 colleagues on Thursday.