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Original poster

My work won't pay or furlough me.

451 replies

Mammatomyboy16 · 28/04/2020 13:33

So I have a 13 month old son. My dad looks after him when I go to work. Since we went on lockdown my dad hasn't been able to look after him as he's classed as vulnerable. Over 70 and has diabetes. I'm a key worker so haven't been able to go to work. My partner is also a key worker so can't stay off and look after our son.

I've taken some weeks timebanking, holidays and 2 weeks we had to self isolate as my son had a high temperature but he was fine.

Anyway, my work won't furlough me. They've said if I don't come back to work next week I won't be getting paid. I've told them the only way I can come back to work is if my dad comes back and looks after him, which is risking his life and my sons life. I am furious with my work. They have furloughed other people which I understand as they live with someone who's vulnerable. But because I don't live with my dad I won't be furloughed.

I can't afford to not be paid. I can't work around my partners hours as he gets in so late from work everyday.

I don't know what to do!

OP posts:
Fishfingersandwichplease · 28/04/2020 20:28

Before the virus, my childcare was breakfast club/school then grandparents. After virus, school not running a breakfast club and grandparents not allowed to babysit.

Fishfingersandwichplease · 28/04/2020 20:28

Very sorry to hear about your mum 2littleboyzmum xxx

Devlesko · 28/04/2020 20:29

FuckThisWind

This used to wind me up too, sometimes, not always, obviously, but you could see the gp were bullied into it.
I think gp are going to be taking a step back from childcare now, they've done their bit, it's time for the parents to manage with paid childcare or sah like others who can't afford it.

So sorry to hear about your dm's health, it must be a worrying time for you, I've been there myself Thanks

Original poster
Mammatomyboy16 · 28/04/2020 20:31

@FuckThisWind the problem is with everyone commenting about leaving my son with my dad to look after is I work 4 hours a day! If he honestly didn't want to do it or I believed he couldn't I really wouldn't put him in that position. I ask him every single day how he got on looking after him and if at any moment he can't do it that's perfectly fine and I will sort something else out.
Yes my dad is over 70 yes he has diabetes but he's the most active 70 year old I've ever met. He's always out and about, on his feet doing everything! He's basically my streets handyman, anything anyone needs doing he's there!
In his own words "do you really think I can sit on my arse all day long doing fuck all"

Since the day I got pregnant he's always said he'd look after my son, I'd rather him do it than some stranger in a nursery.

And the bond they have together is unbreakabke and it's amazing to watch them together!!

But like I've said, I don't force my dad or make my dad look after him. He wants to do it and as long as he's fit and we'll to do so he will carry on.

OP posts:
FuckThisWind · 28/04/2020 20:36

@Devlesko I have very good friends who honestly believe that their parents at the age of 70 plus, are happy to pick the kids up on there behalf come rain or shine. The Grandparents often tell me in the schoolyard that they are knackered. And doing a 60 mile round trip.

RaspberryBubblegum · 28/04/2020 20:38

So you were already pregnant when he offered to look after your child. What would have happened if he didn't offer? You would have had to stop working?
Either look up your local schools as they are looking after key workers children, or stay home unpaid. I don't think your work should pay you for this sorry.

Original poster
Mammatomyboy16 · 28/04/2020 20:41

@RaspberryBubblegum well if he hasn't offered I would of done something else obviously 😂 I really don't understand everyone's negativity and judgement towards my dad looking after him.

If he's happy doing it for me and I'm happy him doing it what has it got to do with everyone else? 😂

OP posts:
FuckThisWind · 28/04/2020 20:41

@Mammatomyboy16 I have no doubt about the bond. Or about the love. But I made the decision when I was pregnant that it was not my Mum and Dads job to look after my child. They looked after me.
I live 100 yards from Mum and Dad. My motivation was not for them to help me, but was fore to help them as I watched (and helped them) care for my Grandparents who simulationsly contracted Breast Cancer and Alzheimers.

coffeechocolatecoffee · 28/04/2020 20:42

The problem is everyone imposing their opinion on OP's childcare situation. The fact that some grandparents struggle or feel obliged to care for their grandchildren doesn't mean all are in that boat.

It's very common to help in this way in my culture - DH and my respective grandparents looked after us while my parents worked and our parents look after our children. Between 2 sets of grandparents, they provide 2 days childcare with rest provided by nursery. If they choose to go on holiday, we figure it between us using annual leave and extra nursery hours. They are also fit and generally healthy like OP's dad. They consider it an honour and have the most incredible bond with the children. This time apart is literally breaking them to not see them.

I hope to have the same privilege with my grandchildren in years to come.

Don't tar all with the same brush - we are all different and some grandparents genuinely love the time with their grandchildren

FuckThisWind · 28/04/2020 20:43

And I only work 4 hours a day too.

Original poster
Mammatomyboy16 · 28/04/2020 20:43

@FuckThisWind I don't expect my dad to look after him and I certainly don't see it as his job to do that for me. I didn't even ask him to do it, he asked if he could look after him and we as a family obviously talked about it and we said yes.

OP posts:
BackseatCookers · 28/04/2020 20:43

I ask him every single day how he got on looking after him and if at any moment he can't do it that's perfectly fine and I will sort something else out.

And that is what's happened so you do have to sort something else out. So if you knew that would be the case and that you'd have to sort something out I don't understand why you have been so incredibly hostile to loads of people on this thread when there's nothing fair or right about this situation for any of us struggling. It's not fair but it's not fair for anyone who has less money / resource / stability as a result of COVID-19, so brushing aside people's suggestions for so long earlier got their backs up. Childcare costs money, for everyone.

coffeechocolatecoffee · 28/04/2020 20:45

That's great for you @Fuckthiswond but we all have our own circumstances and reasons for our choices. There is no need to berate OP for allowing her dad to care for her son - it works well for her family and everyone is happy.
This is an exceptional situation and she can justifiably be upset that she is losing out without everyone piling on and judging her for her choices

birdwatching · 28/04/2020 20:47

@FuckThisWind I don't expect my dad to look after him

but you do. you say you cannot afford not working nor can you afford childcare. How did you intend to sort this if not via your dad? Confused

BackseatCookers · 28/04/2020 20:48

I think it's lovely your dad helps so much and has a close bond with your son. It's disingenuous to respond to people as if those saying it's not wise you didn't have a feasible back up option in place in case of bad health / an accident / unforeseen circumstances, because you've now had a real panic and reacted as if it is other people's responsibility to provide you with extra help than other people in the same situation as you. I genuinely think it's lovely what your dad has been doing and that your little boy has someone in his life who is a great influence and role model and all of that. But real life isn't fair and so between you and your partner you'll have to either work to pay for childcare or give up work to do full time childcare (between you) until this madness settles down.

birdwatching · 28/04/2020 20:48

if at any moment he can't do it that's perfectly fine and I will sort something else out.

well, now he cannot do it. if that is perfectly fine, what is the point of your post?

Original poster
Mammatomyboy16 · 28/04/2020 20:49

@birdwatching but I don't expect him to. If he turned round tomorrow and said I'm not looking after him anymore. If either quit my job, work full time and put him in nursery or use other family members who have offered.

The fact I'm fortunate enough to work part time but have my dad look after him is great.

OP posts:
FuckThisWind · 28/04/2020 20:52

I'll stand my ground and totally wonder what the hell anyone who relied on Grandparents ever thought would happen if they weren't around. I've seen it. I'm sorry, but I just don't think you can rely on the health of the old. Never mind your own. Do you think you will live forever? if it were a business plan for example - Why don't you have a backup? Do you have a will? Or do you not like to think about stuff that might come along and disturb your plans?

For what it's worth.. I was a massively high earner working for government as a contingency planner. I now earn a third of that. But perhaps my past life has made me see what was coming.

BackseatCookers · 28/04/2020 20:53

If he turned round tomorrow and said I'm not looking after him anymore. If either quit my job, work full time and put him in nursery or use other family members who have offered.

Ok but coronavirus has turned around and said your dad can't look after him for now, that's the only way to see it.

So your options are all still the same as those you said you were ready to address as and when needed, except you can't use other family members due to the lockdown rules.

It's shit, for everyone, but it is what it is and it's keeping your dad and your boy as safe as they can be.

chopc · 28/04/2020 20:55

@Mammatomyboy16 I think bottom line is your work does not have to pay you if you can't work because it's not up to work to sort out your childcare issues; they technically can't furlough you as your job is very much in demand at the moment. However instead of leaving your child with someone he doesn't know, how about you take some unpaid leave at the moment and apply for mortgage holidays etc to help you out?

zozozoe · 28/04/2020 20:58

You can be furloughed if you’re struggling to work due to caring responsibilities, are shielding or on sick leave.

Some people think they know the facts and are giving bad advice.

Concerned7777 · 28/04/2020 21:00

Sorry if this has already been asked but can you change your shifts/ days so you work on the days your DH Is at home? So if hes mon-fri can you work sat/sun?
Employers dont have to pay you if you have no childcare but they should offer you some flexibility with hours where possible dependant on the needs of the business of course. If you do less hours for now that's better than no hours at all. Its worth claiming UC , I know you say DH can earn commission but if it's not regular and you have taken an income drop you may some months be entitled to a little bit which is better than nothing.
Going forward if restrictions are lifted slightly so 2 households can mix do you have any other family or friends that can help with the odd day childcare here and there if it's only 4hours?

BackseatCookers · 28/04/2020 21:02

Some people think they know the facts and are giving bad advice.

That's the thing though, you can be, not must be. The discretionary elements of this kind of government support makes it confusing. Can doesn't mean must.

"An employee is completely able to request to be furloughed by their employer. However, it is entirely up to a business as to whether they wish to accept this option or not."

FuckThisWind · 28/04/2020 21:02

@birdwatching I think you have the wrong person. I specifically said I didn't expect my Dad to look after my child. Read back.
My parents have no childcare role in my life. Never have. Never will. I'm actually looking after my parents who are very poorly with cancer and heart disease.

FuckThisWind · 28/04/2020 21:05

@birdwatching and I also don't have a 'him' I have a 'her' my DD

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