Is this the end of romance and the possibility of meeting a significant other?

[Sosadandempty]

This is lighthearted because I know that in the hierarchy of things to worry / be sad about this comes quite/very low down, but anyway...

How will any of us meet anyone if we have to stick to social distancing for the rest of forever?

Feel quite sad about this as lockdown has emphasised how lonely I am (me and everyone else, I know).. Have been single and lonely for a long time, and now it is only set to continue - but it’s worse because the possibility has been taken away.

Was wondering about other single people’s feelings about this.

@doghairismyglitter I am sorry about your online person but on the flip side at least you found out pretty quickly what he is like without having invested too much? He could at least have told you he was “moving on”?

Aargh @SpyApp - no one was supposed to agree with me about the age thing ! It’s hard and I am sorry you feel the same.

Someone come along and tell us that it is more than possible to meet someone in your 50s?

I guess that these are the two categories most affected by the length of lockdown and social distancing - the people like me who think they will come out of it too old , and the people who really want to start a family and who feel the clock ticking in that way. Not to discredit everyone else feeling lonely and wanting human connection, touch and warmth. Such a fundamental part of our existence really.

Yes I'd hate to be in this situation if I were wanting to start a family. Much worse.

I have been thinking this. It will be very difficult to meet new people if we have to socially distance for a year or two and only mix within the ‘bubble’ of two households or close family and friends.

This is such an unusual time op, that it does feel never ending to a lot of people.

The reality will be very different. Our way of life is based on social interaction and it will go back to reasonably normal over the next few months.

There are plenty of catastrophists about, who are shouting that we’ll be hands tied and lonely until a vaccine is found. I don’t believe it though. I believe that we will adapt quickly to living with a new virus and will find a way to get back to normality.

I know it’s hard to stay positive, but I’m looking at this time as a gift. I have fewer work stresses right now; I haven’t got to get up at 6am every day; I have plenty of time for walks; bubble baths; trying out some Experimental cooking; reading and hell, I’ve even downloaded an app (game) and am enjoying something I never thought I would. I’ve watched movies and ate as much chocolate as I wanted.

I have stopped watching the news and am weaning myself of these social media sites, because they can leave you feeling hopeless when it’s really not necessary.

One day this will all just be a distant memory.

I feel like this lockdown has taken away my chances of ever meeting someone and having a family.

At least once a day I totally break down in grief over this.

I don't think I'm going to live long past lockdown.

I am sorry you are feeling so bad @FoolsLemonTree . Do you have people you can talk to? Do you live alone?

I don't think I'm going to live long past lockdown.. Why do you think this?

I'm actually hoping this will stop our multiple partner, non-committal culture and get people to settle down a bit more, or at least give people.a bit more.of a chance before swiping right!

Have you tried the proper dating sites? I don't mean the free and silly ones like Tinder. So many of my friends hate being single but won't even try them! To find someone serious you also need to be serious. Find what you are, basically.

Sosadandempty

I do have people I could talk to about it, but no-one who really understands or can empathise with my position or how painful it is.

The reason I think I can survive lockdown but not much longer is that lockdown is a temporary, highly unusual state that we're all in together. I can steel myself to continue through lockdown, it WILL end, but the thing that's actually killing me will contine with no end in sight. Also people understand why others are struggling through this time, I can talk to friends, they have more time to as well. But when some semblance of normality returns my load will be no lighter, yet the sense of collective experience that we're supporting each other through will be lost.

I'm actually hoping this will stop our multiple partner, non-committal culture

Why?

@FoolsLemonTree - what is your load and do you want to tell us about it here?

I totally understand about lockdown being a weirdly communal and supportive time despite the distance we have to keep from each other. I am also worried about the spirit of togetherness going once we get back to a frenetic, noisy and disconnected normal (depending on where you live I suppose) in which I still feel lonely (I did before).

Maybe people will keep some of the mutual aid groups going and a lot of people will still need support so maybe there will be opportunity there to stay connected. I am also going to join some activity clubs (hiking? singing?) is what I am telling myself. But yes, that yearning for intimate connection is always there and adding in the fear of not having a wanted family must make it harder. Can I ask how old you are?

@BabyLlamaZen are there dating sites that you recommend in particular? I was on OkCupid before which I liked but can’t go back on there in case I come across my 7 date person who let’s be honest I still like!!

Yes I also wonder if people will be less fickle (dating wise) after this?

There was a piece on the radio here the other day about online dating during lockdown. Apparently the sites are doing well but the demographics have changed. Noone is looking for a one night stand at the moment so the people still active on tinder etc are looking for something more meaningful.That could make romance easier rather than harder.

I totally get it op, my time to meet someone and be able to have babies is running out- especially with my track record. This situation just makes it even more obvious and significant. People in relationships just don't understand what it's like unfortunately.

Thanks for the offer, Sosadandempty, but I think I will just try to get on with my day and not think about it too much.

I will say, there is an extra element of grief because I was with the most wonderful man for a while (we are stil v close friends). I am a bit/lot weird, and turned out there was another one . Wanting to have even one child was the main sticking point for us, as he already has two. But still, in the words of his 6 year old I was "a bit like family", and now I really have lost them, because it is not sensible for us all to be so close when this is over. I think lockdown/forced separation could have spelled a different ending to this if I didn't want a child, or even possibly anyway - but we're now both unemployed (I have other reasons I can only work part time) and his business/skill set is completely unworkable with social distancing, so any chance he'd change his mind is off the cards as we could not afford a(nother) child regardless.

Really I just want to give him a huge hug and then freeze time forever so we don't have to consider the future.

Oops turned out I poured out a lot anyway..!

I don't come across well in terms of being able to date online, so my main thing was maximising the amount of people I met - all bets off now, obvs. The summer plans making the most of being childless - gone too.

@pocketem the number of people I know in their thirties who really want kids and to settle down. I'm not saying this is everyone, but it js making a lot of people unhappy.

Op I'm told Match is very good! Sorry about your previous experiences. :( it's not easy.

the people still active on tinder etc are looking for something more meaningful.That could make romance easier rather than harder

Yes maybe but I guess we also run the risk of talking to someone for a long time only to then meet up with them and find there is no connection in person.

People in relationships just don't understand what it's like unfortunately. yes I agree - all my close family who are in relationships tell me there is more to life which is not particularly helpful . I really appreciate how much harder this is for people who want to start a family.

Sorry about your previous experiences. it wasn’t bad - essentially I met the one person and went on a series of dates which lead nowhere romantically but we are in touch as friends which is nice (and a bit odd as I am kind of hoping we can meet up again when this is all over - no idea if he would be up for that - I am guessing not).

I am a bit/lot weird, and turned out there was another one - what do you mean by this @FoolsLemonTree?

Don’t know why “meaningful” didn’t go bold.