How do you juggle childcare and working from home if your partner works, too?

[SoCloseToLosingIt]

If you have small children and both parents need to work from home, how do you do it?

We are taking turns: in the morning one looks after the kids while the other works, and viceversa in the afternoon. After putting the kids to bed, we both always have work to catch up on.

Surely we are not the only ones in this situation - how are other people managing it?

It is destroying us, but we can see no alternatives.

Taking days off would be worse because we would have more work to catch up on afterwards.

Part-time is not an option. It is not offered explicitly and, judging from the experience of colleagues who did it in the past, you risk getting 50% of the pay for 80% of the work.

We can't resign. We need the jobs. If we were sure everything will go back to normal in 3 months, we could even consider some kind of unpaid leave for a short period of time, but, with so much uncertainty, it seems wiser and more prudent to hold on to the jobs we have.

We have a nanny, that we continue to pay, but she is not coming - we feel making her come would be against government guidelines and common sense, because it would mean sharing the lockdown with her and her family, and I am not sure we can trust her entire family is behaving sensibly.

I don't know how much longer we can go on, to be honest. One more month like this might be manageable, but any longer would be a huge challenge. I strongly hope a softer lockdown will come, where maybe offices remain closed but at least the nanny can come (she can drive to ours).

Of course in a crisis like this everything must be put into context: we do appreciate how incredibly lucky we are that we continue receiving our salaries, and for office jobs which can be done from home - we are not risking our lives with no PPE or anything like that. But I was curious to hear from other people in similar situations.

[TriangleBingoBongo]

Yes I know what you mean OP. DH was horrified when I suggested asking to take this time unpaid. We need my income. But I feel I’m baring the brunt of it all.

[Dk20]

@triangle
We are managing to get through the day, I can get my work done and the kids are ok, I guess we have nailed that part.
But I do know they're not getting as much attention as they need and i do worry if this will have a long term effect on the baby, or if it will just make him more independent.
My house is a complete mess and to be honest I look like a complete mess too, but I cant do everything and have had to prioritise work and the kids needs.
Some colleagues are doing 60 hours per week, I really couldn't manage that and have been doing around 45 (standard week is 36)
Also should have mentioned with the schoolwork, we have work set for the week by the teacher and I've told them we will just be doing a bit in the evenings and then the rest at the weekend, at least I have more free time to help ds with it at the weekends. The school are completely understanding and have just told us to do what we can when we can.

[Notlostjustexploring]

3 and 1 year old here. We're key workers so lucky in that we've got some childcare provision, but it is significantly less than "normal". So we can get a small chunk of work done while they're in childcare, and we take it in turns to work depending on whose work takes priority at the time. After the child I'm currently cuddling is returned to bed I'm back to log on.

We're failing at being employees, as parents, as husband and wife.

I feel so much better reading this thread. I keep getting the feeling everyone else is coping so much better than me, and so many people do have it a lot worse, and I'm so very lucky with my current set up. But we're just exhausted and burned out and it's all just HARD!!

[missionalmostimpossible]

We're into our 6th week of working from home while looking after DS3.5 and DD2.5, and have now settled into a routine that seems manageable.

I work at a director level in finance, my DH is mid management IT. Both contracted 35 hours per week. I think what helps is that our jobs are both focussed on delivery of output, rather than hours glued to the screen.

The first two weeks were horrific, with us both arguing and needing to be on calls all the time, and we hadn't organised ourselves well. As I manage projects at work, I sliced WfH, childcare and household management into sections, and it seems to be going relatively smoothly now.

While I'd prefer not to have to do it forever, I think we could probably sustain it for a few months.

[Randomnessembraced]

It is incredibly tough and we do shifts. But if I had a nanny and she were happy to come back, I would definitely have her back at this point. Have lots of key worker friends with kids in schools (in some cases just 1 key worker) so I think it is fine to have the nanny back. Also older children can help with younger children where it is safe to do so. My 6 year old “looks after” aka plays with my 3 year old and is rewarded accordingly.

[Gillian1980]

Yes, we’re both wfh with a 4 year old and an 11 month old. It’s a nightmare!

We do what you said, one has kids in morning and the other in the afternoon. We’re not working our full contracted hours as we simply cannot both work as kids need an adult constantly.

Fortunately we both have supportive employers who know we’re doing our best. I don’t know how we’d cope if they expected us to deliver our usual work load.

[FinallyGotAnIPhone]

I have a 10 year old, a 7 year old and a 1 year old. Two adults working from home in senior office jobs. It’s very mentally draining. Eldest two are in front of the Tv / laptop all day long (could be doing anything). Baby naps so that does give some down time and can sit watching nursery rhymes for approx 20 mins before wanting to be played with. Trying to manage with informal shifts / taking days off here and there but totally unsustainable for the long term.

[Hadenoughfornow]

It's hard- really hard.

Dh still working out of home although is here a reasonable amount of time due to shift work.

My days involve a fair few meetings. In fact I seem to have more now.

Kids pretty much need 1:1 although new school learning should help my eldest workout independently.

My youngest is only in Reception so can't be expected to work on his own.

It's hard and I am shattered by end of day. House is suffering.

I am glad they are not younger.

[Backhometothenorth]

Yes we are. DDs 3.5 and 7.5. Unspeakably awful for first ten days, then I took a week's leave followed by Dh taking a week's leave. In that time we got really organised and it is a little better. I now work Saturday and Sunday afternoons to take some of the workload out of the Monday to Friday peak period and it seems to be making a difference. Really hope we don't have to do this much longer.

[Breadandroses1]

The thing I've found difficult is that although my boss is in a similar position there seem to be a lot of people at work who either have a partner off work or no kids- so things MOVE just as quickly anyway. So I constantly feel as though I'm either holding people up for my decision or feel a bit dim because I've missed loads.

Add that to having to cover others' roles which really aren't in my strength areas and it's also doing a number on my professional confidence (I work with a lot of generalists but am a specialist).

[wizzywig]

Thank god i have found this!! Fed up of all the "well everyone else is wfh whilst having to have in depth telephone calls about mass murderers/ child abuse/ satanic cults". Its horrendous. It really is. My nanny has underlying issues so wont come out.

[Ginseng1]

It's not easy! Trying to wfh & home school 12,10yr old (or make sure they do some decent work) and manage a 3yr old. I flipped with my 10 yr old today she worked away independently & marked in what she did (they only get less than 2hrs work a day so not a lot and the teachers only get us to fill in a learning log don't particularly want us sending in everything) when I checked it was half done, illegible writing, and loads silly mistakes like she just couldn't be bothered. We had a full on row & we both ended up in tears. Last week my DS had a meltdown when I tried to correct his work. All these 'relish the time' posts drive me batty. Be lucky if we all speaking by end of it!

[spydie]

We are both WFH and have a 4 year old and 21 month old.... utter nightmare. We take 4 hours each during working hours 9-5 where 1 works and 1 has the kids, either ad hoc depending on when we have calls (usually me as DH is a teacher so tends to have less meetings) or we split the day morning and afternoon. I tend to keep an eye on emails when I have the kids, unless I take them out for a walk or something, and then work in the evenings, I've just logged off....

I have a team of 6 and 2 of them have young kids so I'm very understanding as I know what it's like.... but I'm the only one on our management team with kids and the rest of them are working normal hours and that's sometimes tough when there is an expectation to just jump on a call with no notice....

We've had a few rows too, and I had a panic attack on Friday .

[Breadandroses1]

@spydie I've been feeling really panicky too...which is VERY unlike me. I spent most of today feeling like I was about to cry.

[shirleyschmidt]

I've also been wondering when a thread like this might come up, sorry to all those having a hard time but I'm sort of glad I'm not alone! Not much to add beyond what others are facing - two under 5, need loads of attention, and it makes me sad they're becoming less demanding, and accepting being left to entertain themselves so much. Tv and tablet getting way too much use.

We both have understanding employers but their kids are grown up, so they can't relate. And the workload is still the workload. It's relentless, and I constantly feel guilty for failing at both sides (especially with the children, who aren't getting the best of me even when I'm not working, as I'm always tired 😞).

We're counting down the days until lockdown is relaxed to allow the mixing of households as my parents will have them for us - it's sheer willpower at the moment not to take them up on it!

[spydie]

@Breadandroses1 sorry to hear your feeling this way too. I used to get panic attacks as a teen so it's been a while!!

[Oly4]

Ours are 8&6 and they play, watch Tv and fight (we referee) while we both WFH full time! It’s exhausting! We haven’t prioritised school work

[Gems2181]

We are also finding this very tough. 4year old DD and we are both trying to do our full time jobs WFH.

We have split it into shifts so one work 6-1 and the other 12-7. In the lunch hour DD is in front of the TV with her lunch.

I have an understanding boss but my husband not so much - he is now being called into the office or having to swap shifts at the last minute.

It has been working well, but we are exhausted. My anxiety is through the roof. I struggle to get to sleep most nights, wake early in the morning and seem to spend my time with DD in a haze. I have also spent much of the day feeling sick and dizzy.

I just don't feel like I am giving anyone my best at the moment. Which feeds the anxiety and the cycle continues

To top it off, my normally very active DD who is not getting the physical activity she was used to at nursery full time will not go to sleep until 9.30 and it's getting later. It just seems relentless.

I am very grateful that we have 2 incomes at this time, but really don't see how we can sustain this much longer.

[MustStopSnacking28]

We are both working full time but doing what I consider to be a crap job of work and a crap job of parenting. It’s impossible to do both at the same time I work 6-1.30 and DH works in the afternoon so we are both shattered and grumpy. The saving grace has been the weather being nice as we can go in the garden. DS is two in May. This has been so so hard but (and I hate this phrase) it will pass...

[catcatcatcat]

I work. My DP is a key worker. I have a 9 & 4 yo. The 4yo is pre school so has no work. My 9yo has SEN & can't do her work without me or she has huge meltdowns. I am a teacher having to work. It is madness.

[dreadpiratered]

To echo the above we are doing it badly on all fronts. Eldest is in year one then a three year old and an 18 month old. I am at my desk at 5:30 am, DH and I then do 2 hr shifts until bedtime when we'll do a few more hours work and then bed. Repeat everyday. Add cleaning and washing in at weekend, plus trying to figure out what we're supposed to teach next week...

So few of my friends now have both partners working, I can see why

[resskiestonight]

Nightmare. Both full time. 5 and 7. So stressed that they are falling behind. Watch tv a lot, dd ate 5 ice creams yesterday. feral. Can’t get them to do their online lessons. Lots of shouting and arguing. Don’t think they will be going back even properly in sep which makes me feel sick thinking about how we can sustain this. Great to read this. Sick of the, “we made flap jack posts”

[resskiestonight]

No advice to add. Muddle through day by day. No structure. Considering asking employer to take mornings off but I’m too tired to work in evenings in lieu. Think will just gave to catch up at weekend and summer holidays with learning.

[msgloria]

Yep, DH and I both working full time from home (I'm a key worker) and looking after toddler DD.

Can totally empathise with the racing heart, constantly on edge feeling of other posters. Very grateful to have a relatively stable job etc, but this situation is really hard on my mental health, and it's crap for my DD who just keeps being directed to watch yet more tv. I'm also in the same boat as another poster who has found their colleagues are largely free of young children and are just getting on with working - you feel you have to keep up as much as you can. We've each started taking the odd day off, but DH is reluctant so now I'm annoyed about that on top of everything else. Deep breaths...

[ZaphodBeeblerox]

Thanks for this thread - it actually feels a bit comforting to know we’re not alone.
Similar here except my DH started a new city job as lockdown started and no nanny, so I have effectively given up work during the lockdown (I’m a PhD student).
I work sort of 7.30pm-late but tbh I am exhausted with housework, entertaining a toddler, and also v early pregnancy.
I know so many people are struggling and we are “lucky” but it’s hard and I’m just making my peace with making very little progress at the moment.
Our nanny won’t live in, so just wondering if we should find a live in nanny or wait for her to be ok to come back. I go around in circles because she is lovely, but this isn’t sustainable for us.