How do you juggle childcare and working from home if your partner works, too?

[SoCloseToLosingIt]

If you have small children and both parents need to work from home, how do you do it?

We are taking turns: in the morning one looks after the kids while the other works, and viceversa in the afternoon. After putting the kids to bed, we both always have work to catch up on.

Surely we are not the only ones in this situation - how are other people managing it?

It is destroying us, but we can see no alternatives.

Taking days off would be worse because we would have more work to catch up on afterwards.

Part-time is not an option. It is not offered explicitly and, judging from the experience of colleagues who did it in the past, you risk getting 50% of the pay for 80% of the work.

We can't resign. We need the jobs. If we were sure everything will go back to normal in 3 months, we could even consider some kind of unpaid leave for a short period of time, but, with so much uncertainty, it seems wiser and more prudent to hold on to the jobs we have.

We have a nanny, that we continue to pay, but she is not coming - we feel making her come would be against government guidelines and common sense, because it would mean sharing the lockdown with her and her family, and I am not sure we can trust her entire family is behaving sensibly.

I don't know how much longer we can go on, to be honest. One more month like this might be manageable, but any longer would be a huge challenge. I strongly hope a softer lockdown will come, where maybe offices remain closed but at least the nanny can come (she can drive to ours).

Of course in a crisis like this everything must be put into context: we do appreciate how incredibly lucky we are that we continue receiving our salaries, and for office jobs which can be done from home - we are not risking our lives with no PPE or anything like that. But I was curious to hear from other people in similar situations.

[Chickenandegg8]

Same here. Trying to juggle a 5 year old and nearly 2 year old and work from home full time (and homeschool)
My other half can’t work at home (manufacturing) so he’s at work everyday.
It’s a bloody nightmare. I feel like I’m losing the plot most days. I’m exhausted.
I’m sorry I have no tips, I get up early to try and do work before they wake up. Then try to work when my toddler is napping.

Not sure how long we can carry on like this...

[Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese]

Both DH and I work office jobs that involve regular phone calls.
DH works Mon to Fri 8-4, there is no negotiation on this as he is having to work office hours.
My contract is Mon, Tues and Weds 9-5. However after 1 week of trying to juggle ds, for those 3 days we both spoke to our managers for flexibility.
His manager has asked their receptionist to reduced the amount of calls that are being put through to him and was told he wasn't expected to take every single call as we have 2 dcs under 3.
I was told to log my hours rather than do my contract, so to work them throughout week, so rather than working 3 days I'm now doing my hours across the 5 weekdays and working for 2 and a half hours twice a day between 9 and 5.
Sometimes it works, and we try not to be on the phone at the same time. However, some days are really really hard.

[Concerned7777]

I'll agree it's a nightmare I'm wfh full time (Dh out working ) both with fixed hours really busy pretty much tied to the phone most of it. 3 dc 13 10 5 its bloody hard. 5yo pretty much screen babysat or played with by the older 2 until 1 of us finishes. Hardly any school work been done with him which I feel massive guilt about. Its just impossible to give 100% attention to both. I know I'm not doing as much work as the rest of my team I've been honest with my line manager and the rest of the team and they are helping me out doing some of my calls as and when they can (most dont have younger DC to look after at the same time). Just be honest with your managers about your situation.
Its impossible to be a full time mum and full time worker at the same time.

[Travelban]

Also slightly older children but it's four of them and we are both full on working in demanding jobs. It is relentless. Work is mental and my boss is a machine who never stops so I am under a lot of pressure.

Rota doesn't work for us as duebtonthr nature of our jobs it's very reactive and there are loads of meetings I have to join last minute, or all day etc.. The kids have certainly learned to be more independent but they do need still a lot of attention.

Also the house needs constant cleaning and don't get me started on the amount of cooking!!! 😆

[SoCloseToLosingIt]

We have a 6 year old boy and an 18-month old girl.

The boy could be put in front of a screen for longer than we would like in normal circumstances, but these are not normal times.

The little girl is harder to look after. She is at an age when you cannot put her in front of a screen like her brother, she no longer sleeps much during the day, and she wants to walk and explore everywhere, meaning you cannot leave her alone not even a second. Well, only in the playpen, but she doesn't like that any more.

I guess we will soon have to give up and let the nanny come back...

Even then, though, the nanny will look after the little one, but we will still have to dedicate some time to homeschooling the older one (the nanny cannot do that and, to be honest, it shouldn't be her job).

[Useruseruserusee]

Our DC are 5 and 2. Using the exact same approach as you, shifts and catching up in the evenings.

I am very fortunate in that my boss is in the exact same situation so has been understanding. The worst is when we both have video calls.

[doadeer]

I also sometimes need to just put my toddler in the highchair with shrek on and some oat cakes if I need to reply to something. It's not amazing parenting but I just keep thinking he still gets lots of lovely quality time... A few mins without my full attention should be fine.

I suppose I'm lucky, though it makes me feel really guilty, that my 15 month old absolutely loves watching films

[SoCloseToLosingIt]

A boss who is in the same situation helps big time!

What I have found is that 99% of people have zero empathy and zero ability to understand that, maybe, just maybe, not everyone is living the very same situation as them.

I have had to read the riot act to a couple of colleagues who kept harassing me to send them stuff. At one point I snapped and said to their face: look, you have no children so you have no idea what this means. There is no need to send this now - the deadline is next week. You will have it, but not now, so please stop pestering me every 30 minutes.
Of course I can say this to a colleague but I cannot say this to the boss.

Then the colleagues and the bosses who have had children but had others brining them up are the worst, the absolute worst. They think they "know" what it means and think that if they did it, so can you. They never realise that, in reality, they didn't bring up the children because an army of other women did it for them so they have no * clue. But I cannot say this to my boss in these exact terms, can I? :)

[doadeer]

I think people forget how hard it is with little ones. My boss has older teenage kids and she is complaining about that when I have a 15month old in a flat with no garden 😩

[Silversun83]

A 2 and nearly 4 year old here and both WFH. DH does full time (but over 4 days), I do three days. So luckily there's only two days that both of us are working at the same time and DH does mornings and I do afternoons. Incredibly lucky that both employers have been very understanding and flexible and have pretty much said to do what we can. My manager is also in same situation which helps.

[Tink20161984]

Myself and my husband are WFH with a 3 year old. It is honestly impossible. I am the only person in my team. I am looking after a number of countries with a number of ongoing projects and dealing with the constant changes of the Covid situation in the company across all my countries. IT IS F'ING impossible. Its hard for my husband and I to do shifts as no day is the same, calls all over the place, we cover each other where we can but its not always possible, we could both be in meetings at the same time. My stress levels are through the roof

[Brokenchair1]

Lone parent with 7yr old DC. I'm trying to work 2 hours per day but even that is proving difficult. I'm constantly exhausted juggling homeschooling, work and generally keeping on top of things. I think never having a break and really immersing myself in my work is affecting me.

[SoCloseToLosingIt]

Have people in similar situations found a way to cope?
We are seriously considering some kind of therapy / counselling. Not as in couple counselling but as in work stress kind of counselling ; however, that would leave even less time to get work done!

I suppose we should try to focus on how priviliged we are, and how it doesn't matter in the great scheme of things, it's a sacrifice we do for the kids etc but it's easier said than done!

[Snaleandthewhail]

I have a 7 4 and 1 year old, both of us usually work four days a week but in reality it’s full time hours at the best of times. We’re working in shifts, in the evenings, the weekends, etc. Four year old has never slept through so we’re permanently knackered. But we have a garden and separate workspace so we are much more fortunate than others.

I am very irritated by work colleagues - particularly those who have older children who are on one level sympathetic - but don’t understand how I’m working - they’ll log in at 9.30, when I might have been on for three hours and be ready to swap shifts with DH, and then expect to have a long conversation.

I’m also shattered by the team meetings I’ve had to improve the team working mechanics etc but which frankly feel like a waste of my time, as it’s so limited during the working day.

I’m having my most productive hours of the week on a Friday evening and Sunday morning.

[TriangleBingoBongo]

I am WFH with a one year old and DH is still at work.

I’m not managing 😭

[TriangleBingoBongo]

@fishfingersandtrashtv

I’m so sorry to read that. As I posted above we are the same. I often find myself getting overwhelmed and tearful and I am generally a really pragmatic person. I was ok for a couple of weeks. But I’ve ran out of steam now and just feel so exhausted. I feel like a total fraud for being paid, like a crap Mum for trying to ignore my son so I can work and giving him pizza for lunch or tea too often. I love being a Mum and I love my job but the two do not mix.

[WhatwouldRuthdo]

Also struggling, both WFH with a 6 and 2 year old. The 6 year old is manageable, but it’s so hard with the toddler. We are breaking the day up into chunks based around our online/phone meetings. It’s not long term sustainable, but no choice currently.

[soupmaker]

I hear you all. I'm struggling because DH is a key worker, leaves the house at 7.30am returns late afternoon, so I'm left to work with two DC, 12 and 6. The 12yo is easy, the 6 yo is an absolute nightmare. She didn't even get out her pjs today. I'm coping by doing very little school work, telling my sympathetic boss I was unable to be productive and would do what I can. I feel a lot better as I got to the stage where I was utterly exhausted. I'm supposed to be part time but was doing a six day week. Switched off laptop and phone at 5pm today and feel so much better.

[Artesia]

Badly, OP- we are managing it very badly. As witnessed by my tears and raging today.

[Dk20]

I WFH 7-4.30 with a 6yo and a 10month old.
Dp is out of the house 7 til 6 so I really have them on my own all day.
During that time I have to make sure they are both fed and the baby gets his nappy changed and is taken up for naps when he needs them.
Other than that they are basically left to do what they want, although I do limit TV time for ds and get him to read and play outside, which he can do independently.
The baby is either crawling around, in his Walker or in his playpen. We have an open plan kitchen living and dining so I am at the kitchen table and can see everything the kids are doing. The baby is actually extremely happy.
I take my lunch break anywhere between 12 and 2, whenever the baby is awake. I try to take 45 mins and in that time I manage to make food, feed the baby and do a quick clean and sweep of the floor.
Dinner is made as soon as I finish work, then we get out for a walk.
The baby goes to bed extremely early and then I do ds school work with him.
I would usually have to log back on once or twice a week just to keep on top of everything.
At the beginning it was an absolute nightmare, but I am getting used to it and the kids seem reasonably happy. Were doing the best we can.

[TriangleBingoBongo]

@Dk20 you sound like you’re nailing it?

My one year old wouldn’t stand not having attention for that long. I can get a good 30 minutes in the morning after we’ve been for a walk but that’s the longest uninterrupted period until he naps. They’re all different though.

[SoCloseToLosingIt]

Artesia, then I am not the only one...

Today I ended up crying in the bathroom like an emotional teenager and then I threw up even though I was on an empty stomach.

Being swamped with serious, useful work to do I can rationalise and handle better.

Being swamped with useless bull* work, poorly handled by a bunch of useless incompetent idiots who think they know what it means to bring up a child while working only because they fecondated women who then brought up the kids with no paternal help no, that I struggle with.

I keep telling myself that I must find a way to cope, that I must rationalise it's all for the family, that I must think the family would be much worse off if I were jobless, that it is all in the interest of the children, that there's loads of people who are in dire straits and would love to be in my situation (I know, we have people close to us in serious financial hardship) but it's easier said than done

[BumbleNova]

We were not coping at all. We have our nanny back. We were on our knees.

[itchyfinger]

It's awful. 3yo twins here. They are good with screens but obviously get bored. We do 2 hour slots each, but it's still a nightmare and we are arguing about it daily and the kids aren't getting the best of us.

It's just not meant to be, it's why childcare exists. It's impossible.

(Sorry no advice at all)

[flowerycurtain]

Oh man I've found my people. I'm trying to work around the homeschooling (part time remote secretary) that bit works ok. Dh is a farmer though and I'm having to do all his paperwork as the farm secretary can't come I feel like I'm a failure of a parent, employee, wife and business wonder. Also had a lot of tears and shouting last week.

On top of that I normally cope by having a cleaner and childcare plus regular takeaways none of which we can do at the moment.

We can't carry on like this for long without something snapping.