If you're both still working with no childcare

[helia]

If you're both still working with no childcare how much are you managing to get done a day?

DH and I are both still working full time although without childcare. DC is 3 years old.

My employer has told me to do what I can and top up my time sheet with a credit for any hours I don't work.

I'm able to do around 5 or 6 hours a day (I ought to be doing 7.5) and DH is able to do 6 or 6.5 (he's meant to do 8). We are both pretty tired now and it just feels relentless. I feel like I ought to be doing more but I'm really struggling with energy and time.

I was just wondering how this compares to what others in a similar position are doing. I don't know anyone else in work in the same boat and can't gauge if I should be pushing myself more to do more and to get more done, or if it would be acceptable (and not lazy) to ease off a bit. I feel stressed at times.

Our working day starts at 6 am and doesn't finish until over 12 hours later, albeit we work in fits and starts.

Thank you very much. to anyone in the same or similar position.

We are both trying to work FT and two junior school age DC. It's hellish.
None of us are coping very well. We are all misearable a chunk of the time. My employer is very flexible but there are lots of calls etc I can't move. DHs employer says there are flexible but then he has stuff scheduled all day. Kids are suffering

When I read all the threads on comparing furloughed to non furloughed, I feel ashamed that I'm so jealous of the furloughed posters.

Me too. I feel bad about it but I am so jealous. 2 full time working parents with 2 primary school aged kids. It's horrendous. If I have to listen to my sister (SAHP) moaning about how bored her and her furloughed DH are again I'm going to hang the phone up.

I don’t know how you do it. I can’t work wit a dog in the house let alone a child. Fortunately I don’t have to work as much although still being paid fully but partner working normal hours but at home. Both being paid fully so mustn’t grumble.

Not a magic solution but a tip to encourage longer independent play - TAKE THE TOYS AWAY!!! Get yourself one of those big plastic outdoor storage chests or similar for the garage/shed/loft if easily accessible. Gather up a good 70% of toy and books and keep them in there, out of sight and (hopefully!) out of mind. Once a week rotate things round a bit, swapping out most of what they have available with things from the box. It keeps them from getting bored with what they have and helps them to concentrate better on their play. I heard an analogy once, that you should think of play as a child's 'work', and just as it's easier to feel motivated and get on with your work on a nice uncluttered desk with everything in it's place, so it's beneficial for children to have just a few toys at a time to focus on and engage with. The novelty of having something they haven't used in a while should help to keep them distracted while you work.

Also, pop them in the bath in the daytime for some water play, while you keep an eye on them from the doorway with your laptop. I've known kids kill an hour or more just messing around in the tub. You can add novelty value by letting them take in plastic toys that weren't intended for the bath, and kitchen utensils like plastic measuring jugs and funnels, and silicone baking equipment.

When I read all the threads on comparing furloughed to non furloughed, I feel ashamed that I'm so jealous of the furloughed posters.

me too (I am a lone parent of 2 DC one of which is severely autistic/severe learning difficulties - it is sheer hell at the moment and I would happily trade on 20% of my pay for not having to work whilst looking/homeschooling the DC all by myself).

We are both WfH full-time in high level, senior jobs in finance and IT and have a DS3.5 and a DD2.5 (she also has SEN). We are finding this all much more manageable now, although it was pretty horrendous at the start (mainly because I am part of the response team for my organisation, so was in meetings all day every day for the first week). Me and DH spent most of that time arguing, and we were all really stressed.

What I found has helped to get us to the calmer place we are now is:

1. Breaking every weekday into two chunks: 6.30am-12.30pm, and 1pm-7pm. 1 person on 'childcare', the other person on 'work'. The one who is not on work loosely checks email for emergencies, majority focus is on activities for the children.

1. Creating a home rota, including lunch 12-1pm, dinner 6.30-7.30pm. Whoever is on childcare gets food ready for everyone else.

1. Blocking out chunks of time in our work calendars where no meetings should take place, so we can actually get some proper work done, or look after the children, which our bosses have agreed is fine.

1. We've agreed to stop work by 7pm, by which time we've done as much as we're going to do that day.

1. We have created separate areas in the house for work and play (dining room is now the proper office, living room has a relaxed workstation, half play room), so each of us can focus on what we're doing.

1. I go shopping for food once a week on Saturday morning, meal plan and batch cook on the weekend, so we have food for each meal and only need to add pasta/rice/potatoes and vegetables to the main.

1. Leaving laundry and big cleaning to the weekend. 4 loads of laundry always get done, deep cleaning we're less fussed about, sometimes it gets done, sometimes it doesn't, we don't worry too much about it.

1. Taking a day off every couple of weeks to recharge. We're into our 6th week of WfH with the children so Easter weekend was a godsend. Going to have a day off every week in May by taking off annual leave on Monday 11 and Friday 22 (bank holidays on Friday 8 and Monday 25 will do the rest).

I think we've been able to structure like this because we are in jobs which are about delivery, and less about being online all the time. Our companies are both quite family friendly, and seem to be comfortable with what we're doing, though it took a while to get into the routine.

No way am I using any vacation to cover my hours

Yes I'm exhausted and working from 7-11 2-6 but kids not going to bed until 9/10 pm and I and DH feel exhausted. I feel bad for ignoring them but we need to work and trying to home school three children between us both from 11-2 is so hard and feels so rushed

We are not going for daily walks as I can't fit that in and cook dinner!

And Facebook posts from people furlough is really not helping my mood

@mangocoveredlamb I had this with DH until I told him no he didnt. You need to be clear on this.

We have realised that we need to utilise as many hours and days that we can in order to get our work done and the children (11 and 7) some semblance of home schooled (at least enough to send through work.)

Thankfully the school have gone to 4 days Wednesdays are wellbeing day where they do fun stuff (tomorrow is cooking).

We both note down EVERY single minute we spend working though. That quick evening check of emails it goes down. The 10 minute phone call. Goes down

Someone sends a meeting through at a time the other something - we say.

I will say though I have it easier with an 11 and 7 year old because the other thing is not stressing about screen time or them doing what they want. Bedtime has gone out the window as well as we are ogetn still working!

No interaction with kids. No walk. I worked 12 hours today. Only just finished.

@missionalmostimpossible You've set out a really good list, it's very similar to what we are doing (including having a non-negotiable work cut off time for dinner together as a family).

With everything going on in the outside world, it is important to do whatever possible and come to clear agreements, to avoid feeling resentful towards each other.

Both me and DH are key workers but demand for his job is down a little and demand for mine has gone through the roof I normally only work 2 shifts a week. But now doing 5/6 because they are desperate for staff. DH leaves house around 6am and gets back at 3/3.30pm I leave around 3.30/3.45 and get home around midnight. We have two small kids but at least theres always one of us with them.

I havent seen DH much since this all started, the house is a total tip we are both near burnt out and really hoping this all stops soon.

My DH and I are both working from home at the moment, me 4 days per week and him 5, and we have a 21 month old son. It's hard. We usually put him in nursery for a reason!
Some of my colleagues work "shifts" with their partners but it's not possible for us to restrict our working hours, we both work with international markets and need to be on conference calls between 6am and 6pm typically.
We're managing pretty well, here's what helps:

1. Screen time. I've let go of the guilt and worry. Peppa Pig is my babysitter. Sorry not sorry.
2. Wireless earphones. They're a God send. I can listen to conference calls and still have my hands etc. free to push my son on the swing, feed him, cook etc.
3. Basic lunches. We don't have time for elaborate meals at lunchtime so we keep it simple and try to make it fun - garden picnics etc. We can get more creative at weekends. We make extra food at dinner and at weekends so we can have the leftovers for lunch.
4. Daily walks. Either individually or as a family. It's just good to get out. There are lots of simple and socially distant activities for our toddler outside - we wave at trains at the station, jump in muddy puddles etc.
5. Feeling empowered to refuse meetings that aren't "value add". Sorry for the wanky term. If you can email or WhatsApp me instead of inviting me to a meeting, do that. Please.
6. Letting go of trying to keep the house tidy. It's a mess, so what. Staying healthy and staying afloat at work is more important. It's not like we've got guests coming.

My house is a serious pig sty. Never mind cleaning and DIY... I'd like to see our floor

I am in the same boat, with four children and both of us working full time. My job has been relentless and I haven't had a break since Christmas. This week I am really struggling. I have taken Friday as leave so I will get a long weekend this week ans the next, hopefully it will help. Also planning to take may half term off.

It is really tough. Not sure how much I am going, hard to tell due to constant interruptions and workloads vary..

Ps I am trying to ignore the goady social media posts from people...i had a family member ask Dh and I if we picked up a new hobby... We both laughed... Some people clearly don't get what our lives look like right now!!

I'd love the time for a new hobby! I can just about manage a new series on Netflix at the end of the day.

Im sooo sick of friends who are not working moaning about having to homeschool their kids 🙈🙈🙈 i wish i had the bloody time!!!

Both working full time in legal roles. I’m busier than ever. 7-4/5 roughly. 5 and 7 year old. Kids feral and basically looking after themselves. Feel so guilty but can’t afford to take my hours done. Really resentful paying school fees with no discount but can’t afford to reduce hours. Loads of shouting. Husband struggling. No end in sight not helping. Good to read not alone.

How are you all doing??
I contemplated trying to work during the day today and tomorrow to be ready for Monday as I feel like I'm drowning, but I really need a break.

Yesterday I felt like we had a real kick in the teeth when the school issued a newsletter naming all the children in each class who had consistently handed in work. All families where at least one parent is not also working. And the guilt over my just turned 5 year old as she's forgetting how to read and it's such a battle that we don't have time to fight. My (academically behind) 11 yr old is getting rsi from Tik Tok vids and the only child who enjoys learning is also the child who is too sad to do any.

I've been watching 'Normal People' when I get a break, which I'm really enjoying.

I work 7.5 hours a day 4 days a week. Husband does the same but 5 days a week. I manage between 6 - 7 most days starting at 7.30am finishing about 4.30. I mainly look after our 15 month old as i have been using fridays to catch up on the hours i miss.

I've been trying to make life a bit easier by taking a day's leave on a Wednesday. My holiday year has just begun so I'm in a good position. 2 days then a break then 2 days then the weekend. I feel much calmer.

My daughter school did the same with “person of the week” and I sent a pretty shitty email.

I had to have a really awkward conversation with my boss where I asked to reduce my hours for the foreseeable. She suggested working early mornings and from 6pm but given that I’ve got to also cook and do bedtime, which in the house goes on til 9/10pm at the best of times (and this is not the best of times) I felt like crying. I am sorely tempted to go off sick. I considered parental leave but that’s only supposed to be for emergencies to put something else into place. There isn’t anything else.

The working in the early hours and late at night thing sounds like such a sensible solution...if you don't have young children. It's gruelling in practice.

WFH here, with DH out all day at work (healthcare). Kids are 4 and 8. Trying to have a loose routine where we can, I log on on work days as soon as I get up and check emails periodically/respond to what I can. I also do a couple of hours on a Sunday Eve to get "ready" for the week. Whenever I've got meetings, the kids are watching a movie (some days that is a lot), otherwise I do what I can with the kids in the room and we are all 'working' for an hour or so. Older one has some stuff from school - luckily they've been quite reasonable and realistic setting a couple of tasks a day, and trying my best to get the younger one to do something with pen/paper etc. There's always a big chunk of computer/iPad time - we're using some educational apps/programmes so I feel this at least has some value. Also getting out once a day for a walk/cycle where possible (this sometimes means work suffers) is invaluable to my (and the kids) mental health. We were all isolating the other week and had to have covid testing and being stuck in the house was really hard and made me realise (for us) how important this is.