How do I stop my neighbour talking to us?

[Naithnira]

I take toddler DC in the garden to play every morning. For the past three days my neighbour has climbed up on a chair to chat over the 6ft fence. She doesn’t seem to notice me literally pressing myself against the opposite fence until she goes away, and I’m too polite to just say “we’re not talking to you”. Yesterday I was in the house when I saw her handing chocolate biscuits to DC over the fence. So I went out and confiscated the biscuits, then she went on a long rant about how people should be social distancing and you can’t relax the rules because you’re fed up, and was saying how she works with Covid patients but has insufficient PPE...

AIBU to think that if she works with Covid patients she shouldn’t be passing biscuits to a two year old over the fence? How the heck do I get her to leave us alone? She’s lovely and means well but she’s putting us at risk. We’ve been shielding for six weeks due to a lung condition, running out of essentials and just coping because we didn’t want to put ourselves at risk by going out - then she comes along and just undoes all our effort.

The biscuits thing I agree, no one should pass food to children covid-19 or not,, without asking parents first so hist politely tell her that you would like her to stop doing that please.

As for talking to you and you cowering at the other end of the garden, I think you are being OTT and need to relax a little. There is no harm to you from talking to her a ross the garden. I get that you are worried but its clouding your judgement here and you are being irrational.

YANBU, but you need to spell it out loud and clear to her and not expect her to take hints.

She thinks because she’s already had Covid she’s safe to give my DC biscuits. That worries me more because nobody really has any idea how long they’re infectious for.

Has she definitely had it? Did she get a positive test? I know lots of people who think they’ve had it but haven’t been tested.
Either way, she shouldn’t be giving your child food because she could have an allergy.
Tell her you are shielding and want to keep your distance. If she doesn’t get the hint, just go inside every time she comes out.

It's tricky with neighbours and it can be good to stay on good terms with them. Difficult.

She thinks because she’s already had Covid she’s safe to give my DC biscuits.

That doesn’t stop her carrying germs on her hands etc though does it?

That would piss me off. Climbing on a chair to peer into your garden for a chat?! Talk about invasion of privacy.

She is being irresponsible and annoying!

Does she know about your households health issues?

Politely tell her you are following the rules by the book, which includes no mixing with other households. She doesn’t sound very self aware.

Could you buy a gazebo online and block her out?!

I think it is bloody rude of her to get on a chair and peer over your fence. I wouldn't think she is "lovely and well-meaning." If she works with covid patients and can still behave like this then she is incredibly stupid.

You are going to have to man up. You don't have to be impolite to but you do need need to tell her to stop getting on her chair and stop giving your child anything including biscuits.

When she rants on about people not social distancing, you need to tell her that she isn't complying with the rules either.

I wouldn't want to be within 2 metres of anyone who works with covid patients. I'd want to be further away.

Perhaps you could also teach your child to refuse to take biscuits/sweets etc from anyone without seeking your permission?

If you really can't man up and say it to her, then could you write a letter and put it through her door instead? If she takes offence that is up to her. You need to protect your family.

Just tell her you want privacy in your garden. There’s no way to do this without plain speaking.

This would be my nightmare. As if I have a 6ft fence in my garden just so they can climb on a chair, voiding the privacy fence! I'd be getting planning permission for a taller fence! 😂

We’re in the process of putting up trellis which comes six inches above the fence, and at the worst point (where she puts a chair on her patio to peer over) I want to put a pleached tree. Unfortunately we can’t block the full length of the fence because it’s too long. But we need to do something - she’s one of those people who doesn’t stop talking and you can’t get a word in or escape. Last summer she talked at me for an hour and I fainted because I’d been standing for so long. Had to sit down on the grass and she still talked at me for another half an hour.

Yes she’s tested positive for Covid and has isolated for two weeks then gone back to work. I suppose she thinks because she’s been isolated it’s safe to give my DC biscuits. There’s no evidence that people can’t catch it a second time so I want her to stay away. I feel rude saying “oh hi there, excuse us please because we’re social distancing” and go indoors. But DH says it’s better to be rude that to catch Covid.

It seems awful to say to a key worker “thanks for your sacrifice but stay away in case you infect us”. We’re clapping for key workers then telling a key worker to go away and not talk to us in case she has the plague. I’ve seen lots of complaining on social media about people shunning key workers and I feel crap but I don’t want a key worker near me.

OP if that’s your attitude it is very unfair.

I don’t think it is unfair to want to social distance and not talk to someone, especially someone who’s exposed to Covid on a daily basis so has a greater likelihood of being infectious.

No, that’s fair enough, but you said it as if it would be different if she wasn’t a key worker.

You need to find your voice.... how did you let her keep talking to you after you fainted? Sorry but this isn’t going to stop unless you’re assertive. You don’t have to be rude but you will have to say something because probably nothing else will stop it. Sorry

The biscuit bit is not unreasonable. No one should give food to children regardless of pandemics for a whole host of reasons, but you are not going to contract covid-19 from her talking to you over the fence.

If you don't want to talk to her because she annoys you that is one thing, but to say she can't chat to you because of covid is silly.

Oh I would hate this so much!

Re the biscuits, you say 'That's so kind but we need the children to learn to keep apart from others so please dont'

Re the chat, you do a few minutes small talk and then you say 'well its been lovely to see you and now I must get on, we have lots to do, I won't keep you, see you tomorrow I expect '

"Last summer she talked at me for an hour and I fainted because I’d been standing for so long."

Op are you always such a pushover? Just tell her you've got to get on and wander back inside

Get one of those super soakers, isn't that the advice for unwanted things that come into your garden 🤭

Who stands in the garden, in the sun until they faint?! Then talks for another 30 minutes?! Sounds like you need to work on your confidence and how to set reasonable boundaries.

Just say to her you've realised that talking so close in the garden isn't adhering to social distancing and please don't pass anything over the fence. If it makes you feel better, litter the conversation with alot of platitudes, and 'well, you probably know all this, you're a key worker olbut I've only just realised'

Omg you actually fainted and she kept on?! What did she say when you keeled over?

No, that’s fair enough, but you said it as if it would be different if she wasn’t a key worker.
Ultimately I don’t want contact with anyone. But I’d be less worried about her behaviour if she wasn’t a key worker, because she’d be less likely to be infected. My other neighbour has been isolating for over a month so I’m much less worried about her having it. Whereas the lady who has daily contact with infected patients is much more likely to have it.