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Feeling so sad about an elderly friend

31 replies

Noworrieshere · 16/04/2020 22:14

Today I called an elderly friend I know from church. He's 92 and almost totally blind, lives in a lovely care home, really happy there. I phoned him last week and he was ok, they were limiting visitors but his brother was still allowed to visit. Today he said that all residents are now having to stay in their rooms all the time, the staff just come in to them if they need anything and to bring in their food and chat to them a bit. They don't see anyone else at all. No visitors, no socialising with other residents.

He is completely with it, completely understands the severity of the covid situation but said today that he would rather go out for a coffee with his brother, get sick and die than spend another week sat alone in his room. And he's smart enough to know that he is going to be alone in his room for a helluva lot longer than a week. He said he's only got a year or so at most anyway and he doesn't want to spend that time sitting in a room by himself. He has a phone in his room and has friends and family phoning him all the time, we can't do any more. But he's so sad and he doesn't want to live like this. He was so matter of fact about it when he was talking, but he just sounded so sad and so resigned, like he had given up.

I know he's not the only person in this situation, but he's usually so cheery and positive and to hear him speak like that today has really upset me.

He did say that all the staff are being absolute heroes and doing their best to keep everyone cheerful and happy. Thank you so much to everyone who does this job, it must be so hard and so sad.

I can't even say oh it will be fine, you'll be back to normal soon, because it probably won't be normal ever again in his life.

How did this happen? It's so shit and so unfair. I'm so sad and angry tonight.

OP posts:
Lifeisabeach09 · 17/04/2020 16:00

You can call and speak to the home manager. The home manager can't give personal details of the resident but they can tell you if it is feasible to take him out into the garden.
It's a catch 22 situation between keeping residents/staff physically safe versus their emotional/mental health.
It truly is a shit situation.

SnuggyBuggy · 17/04/2020 16:05

It's really sad for those who may not have long left that their last weeks and months are going to be spent in lockdown with nothing to do or look forward to.

Noworrieshere · 17/04/2020 18:09

@TitsalinaBumSquash thank you for all that you do. I know the staff in this care home are doing everything they can to keep people safe and try to keep them happy and occupied too. It's a hard, hard job at the best of times.

I spoke to him again today and he seemed a bit more cheery. Maybe I just caught him at a bad moment yesterday. He says one of the carers has brought him in a beer and a packet of peanuts for Friday evening. God bless that woman, she is a gem.

OP posts:
Hannah021 · 17/04/2020 18:16

@ComtesseDeSpair oh god thats depressing to read :'(

DianaT1969 · 17/04/2020 18:50

Once lockdown lifts slightly, I wonder as a nation if we could set up tea time outside for the elderly in care homes with social distancing. A regular daily occurrence at 3pm for example where volunteers place wiped down folding chairs in rows and the resident's visitor/s sit opposite. A long chat and tea and biscuits, but no touching. Resident's go inside in stages to maintain distance in the home. Everyone hand washes and sanitises as they go inside/leave. The afternoons could have music and quizzes if we became good at them.

Dozer · 18/04/2020 20:53

That wouldn’t work, the virus can be passed through the air, and v difficult for people with dementia to maintain distance.

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