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Original poster

DD wants friend to come and live with us

62 replies

bellylaughs · 10/04/2020 15:17

DD (teenager) has a friend who lives in very difficult circumstances. I don’t want to go in to detail but it’s pretty grim. Although she is not in any danger.
Life was tough for her anyway but obviously a lot worse for her now she’s indoors almost 24/7.

DD wants us to offer this girl that she can come stay with us for the rest of the lockdown and she feels desperately guilty that her friend is so down and sad and has no relief.

We know this girl and usually would be very happy to have her but obviously now me and DH are concerned that we would be breaking rules if she came. But is there a balance between interpretation of the rules and a young person’s mental well being? Or should she just have to get on with it.

OP posts:
Inappropriatefemale · 10/04/2020 17:00

Is it a case of her parents not really caring whether or not she is with them just now or isn’t it like this OP? I am thinking that if they aren’t fussy about it then it’s doubtful that they would want to come and see her at yours and perhaps they, and she, will just be happy with a phone-call if any contact at all that is.

Numbness2020 · 10/04/2020 17:04

Really Need more info. Age, risks at home etc

MrsGrindah · 10/04/2020 17:08

@CherryBakebadly And very best wishes to you too.

PeacockPies · 10/04/2020 17:09

I would do it but I'd make it clear to dd that if they fall out you aren't just going to boot her out. There would need to be commitment.

Similarly the friend needs to know she has to stay with you and not visit her parents and didn't stick to the lockdown rules she wouldn't be allowed back in your house.

Windinmyhair · 10/04/2020 17:11

If she is at risk, either mentally or physically, and has been and will be self isolating, I would without a doubt.

Combining households if they will stay combined is not a problem - children are still allowed to visit between parents for their mental health, so as long as she is only coming one way, to you then I can't see why that would be a problem.

PegasusReturns · 10/04/2020 17:21

Yes absolutely - you’re proposing a very kind thing Smile

mymadworld · 10/04/2020 17:21

I'm a stickler for the rules normally but if I knew a friend of my Dc was at risk of harm (I'm assuming there's some sort of abuse or neglect here) I wouldn't hesitate to open up my home to them.

HuntIdeas · 10/04/2020 17:25

I would absolutely do it

GoodDogBellaBoo · 10/04/2020 17:26

Yes. She needs kind people like you right now. Well done. Please update us.

LochJessMonster · 10/04/2020 17:36

How old is she?
You can’t just take someone’s 13 year old child in.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/04/2020 17:51

If her friend’s situation is bad, yes. Definitely.

8by8 · 10/04/2020 18:18

I would.

MiniatureRed · 10/04/2020 18:22

I would definitely do it.

CharDeeMacDennis · 10/04/2020 18:27

If it's that she's in lockdown with an alcoholic parent or similar, yes, 100%. That would be the absolute pits.

lunar1 · 10/04/2020 18:35

Do you have space for her? This lockdown could go on for a long time yet, your dd needs to understand that if she comes to stay she will be there for the duration. Including if the fall out, drive each other mad etc.

As long as you all go in eyes open I think it would be a real kindness.

duletty · 10/04/2020 18:39

Is she under or over 16?

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 10/04/2020 18:39

I'd do it in a heartbeat

PicturesOfCats · 10/04/2020 18:42

Yes, I would

AlrightDoreenTakeAFuckinDayOff · 10/04/2020 18:42

As long as you all go in eyes open I think it would be a real kindness

That really.

finished31 · 10/04/2020 18:47

Is there a separate room she can isolate for at least a week? How old is she?

I'd do it

Unescorted · 10/04/2020 18:58

Absolutely yes - we are doing the same. The family relationship has broken down and there are safeguarding issues.

We have stipulated that she will be staying here until the restrictions are lifted and her family know that she is staying with us.

user127819 · 10/04/2020 19:02

I obviously don't know the details of this girl's situation nor do I expect to know them, but:

  • There is an exemption to the stay-at-home restrictions for "emergency assistance".
  • There is also an exemption for people suffering domestic violence who need to leave for their own safety. Domestic violence doesn't have to be physical.
  • People can leave their houses for any medical need. Medical needs can include mental health needs. Plenty of people are probably justifying unnecessary journeys with the excuse of "mental health", but if this is a situation where her mental health might be genuinely at risk, I think it would be justifiable to help her.

If any of these could apply in this situation, it might be ok for her to come to you.

blue25 · 10/04/2020 19:02

No sorry I really wouldn’t. It will totally change the dynamic in your house and you don’t know how she will behave. It could be a complete nightmare and you’d be stuck with her.

meonekton · 10/04/2020 19:05

It's a difficult one. I know you want to help, but what would you do if it didn't work out? Living with other people can be stressful even under the normal circumstances. What if your dd and her friend fall out/had an arguments, etc? It's not as easy to sort it out.
Also if each people started making excuses, there are many who will, and there are no point of whole situations.

Madein1995 · 10/04/2020 19:12

What do you mean not pleasant and not in danger? If you mean emotional abuse rather than physical abuse then absolutely yes take her. The effects of emotional abuse are long lasting (I should now) and even though you might think it's dangerous it feels that way as a child.

Beug in a household where there is DV and addiction etc counts as emotional abuse. Be the person who's there to hldp her op. No one helped me. And lockdown is even harder for her I imagine if her home circs are bad anyway

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