He won't f***in stay in!!!!

[Phipps91]

I posted before about my ex partner still socialising but now I feel like he's going to far.

He's class as a key worker (he works for a water company) and I take my hat off to everyone that is keeping our country going!! But what I have a problem with is he won't stay at home!!!! He goes home. Gets ready and then goes to meet his new girlfriend and stay at her house. Our little boy is my number one priority and I just feel like I'm not keeping him safe! I'm probably going to far because I suffer bad with anxiety. I just don't know if I'm in the wrong by saying he should be at home and this is an unessential journey?? I just need some advice please?? Can I say that our little boy needs to stay with me? Am
I being unreasonable??
If I tell him he shouldn't be doing it he just tells me I'm over reacting. What can I do? Do I tell his work? He will always make me feel about 3ft tall and I've got no argument. I just want to know what I can do?? Please help???

I don't think you're being unreasonable. What has doing is against the guidelines plus he sounds abusive.

Is he living with you?

Sorry he's not has

I am a bit confused about what is happening here, can you clarify?

Does this eejit live with you?

Do you mean he lives at his girlfriends and just goes home to get changed first? That’s ok

Why would you tell his work?? ?

So he's getting changed in his empty house before going to stay at his girlfriends? I don't see a problem. It's like he's living with her - providing he doesn't have people living in his actual house

So he goes home gets clean clothes on then stays at his girlfriends. I wish I had somewhere to wash and change when I finish work before I go home to my husband and kids

No he lives in his new house. We're not together.

His dad has also been going backwards and forwards to his house to clean it.

Maybe I am over reacting but it's swings and roundabouts. How do I know if she's sticking to the guidelines?? He's known her a month or two. I'm probably over thinking it.

I would want my child to stay with me under these circumstances.
I don’t think your fears are irrational.
The trouble with suffering from anxiety is that it makes people question their every fear, but this fear is justified,in my opinion.

I don't think going from his otherwise empty house to his gf is too bad as long as that's all he does, especially if his gf is staying home (or is she). The main likelihood of him coming into contact with anything is at work. What's his work like, is he able to properly social distance. Working for the water board maybe he is on his own outside in which case not too bad.

No, you don't know the gf is self isolating or keeping distance.
You need to keep your child with you and tell the ex why.
If he gets angry or causes trouble tell the Police.
Do not send your child to him, he's irresponsible.

Hang on, where does he have your son at?

I would do everything in my power to keep my child away from him for as long as this virus is around. He's thinking with his dick and isn't being a responsible adult.

I was having same problem with my ex and her new bf of less than a month and her constantly having friends round turned out I had to take my son and threaten to ring police it started to sink in a little then still wont keep away from bf but rather than get stressed just blocked all contact with her spoke ppl are just selfish and you cant change them

My children are staying with their dad purely for the fact I love in town, so theyd be confined to a flat. I've been in contact with more people therefore I'm a bigger risk.

You're not over reacting. He should want the kid safe with you.

Oh and I normally have them 40/50% depending on school or stuff with their dad. The flat isnt an issue as we spend weekends outside walking exploring etc. We never stay home usually.

I’m also a bit confused. Where does your son live?

Thankyou everyone. I think it's just me as well. My nerves are shot at all this.
He's usually with me 4 days a week and him the other 3 days. X

It will make you feel crazy to keep stressing about things you can't control.

You can't control your ex or what he decides to do - he makes that decision. You can't control who he has around your child, as his legal parent, that is deemed his responsibility for the time he has him.

Keep sticking to guidance yourself. Send your son for his allotted contact times and accept that your ex has responsibility to make whichever decisions he sees fit while he is with him. In all likelihood, he will be absolutely fine. The evidence is that it seems to affect children very mildly if he does get it. TBH, if your ex is anything like mine, a tiny hint of a sniffle and he wouldn't have DC anyway!

Do not read any news articles about children becoming ill with the virus - there will always be these rare cases but they don't bear out the overall statistics. Reading them won't give you any useful information, it will just make you worry unduly. Find out what resources you have available if you are worried about your son (I highly recommend an app called Baby Check, by NHS and lullaby trust.)

Draw a circle about what you can control, and what you can't. You can't control other people's behaviour, but you can control how much of it you listen to.

Keep sticking to guidance yourself. Send your son for his allotted contact times and accept that your ex has responsibility to make whichever decisions he sees fit while he is with him. In all likelihood, he will be absolutely fine. The evidence is that it seems to affect children very mildly if he does get it. TBH, if your ex is anything like mine, a tiny hint of a sniffle and he wouldn't have DC anyway!

Hang on! What about the OP’s health? Is she supposed to risk having her child I’ll and also taking ill herself, because her ex is a nob?

There are so many breaches in his day I'd rather phone the Police than hand by child over to this stupid careless FUCKWIT ?!

Keep yourself and your child isolated... and let him carry on bouncing between work/supermarket/home/gf's/dad visiting to clean... christ almughty...

Unfortunately yes. The government guidance on separated parents is that although "common sense must be applied", there's no corona-based reason/argument to stop contact, and anyone using the situation to their advantage (ie, to stop contact when it's not warranted) is liable to have it used against them in court later, (if it came to that,) so while you technically could argue that he's exposing the child (and therefore mum too) to a higher risk than mum is and/or that this is an unacceptable risk, I don't know, I wouldn't personally want to chance it on that basis if he did take it to court. It might come through in mum's favour, but it might not. However, if you think it's unlikely he'd go to court in the first place, it might be worth doing in order to have that security now, that the child is in the safest place and social contact is being minimised.

You've also got to balance that with the fact we don't know how long this lockdown is likely to be in place and suddenly stopping a child's contact with their father who they live with almost half the week is quite a big change. Depending on age and how much they'd understand, that could be detrimental.

If you have a court order:

www.judiciary.uk/announcements/coronavirus-crisis-guidance-on-compliance-with-family-court-child-arrangement-orders/

If you have an informal arrangement (essentially the same advice):

The President of the Family Division has issued advice about compliance with child arrangement orders during the current Coronavirus crisis. This states that whilst children can be moved between separated parents it does not mean that children must be moved between homes.

The decision about whether a child is to move between parental homes is for the child’s parents to make in the best interests of the child after an assessment of the circumstances, including the child’s present health, the risk of infection and the presence of any recognised vulnerable individuals in one household or the other.

Nowhere does it say you can legitimately stop contact because your child's father is a muppet who doesn't think social distancing applies to him. Reading between the lines of that it seems to me that courts would be in your favour if you refuse to send the child in order to protect a vulnerable person living in either household or if the child is classed as a vulnerable person themselves due to a health condition, or possibly if the parent is a key worker who comes into contact with lots of ill or vulnerable people, for example.

The court order advice also states that if you come to a mutual agreement which differs from the usual arrangement it would be beneficial to have a copy of this agreement in writing - email or text being fine - just to cover you in case later one parent turns around and says "She wouldn't let me see him".

Actually, I think social services might have something to say about a parent that knowingly breaks guildlines and therefore puts the health of their child at risk.

Sorry - both that italiced paragraph and the one above are part of the quote - should have italiced both!

You can try if you like, but I honestly don't think social services would be particularly interested in that at all.