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Covid

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Original poster

Daughter, 20, has been out to meet friends

49 replies

Randomword6 · 05/04/2020 18:54

I am so angry with her and my partner for not exerting authority over her, she told him I was ok with it, I WAS NOT. I did not know she had gone out.

OP posts:

Runnerduck34 · 05/04/2020 21:58

Its frustrating, shes 20, you cant ground her nor can you leave her suitcase by the front door.
Parenting can suck, particularly when its teenagers / young adults. They think they are indestructable , they are impulsive dont think through the consequences and they probably find it harder to be separated from their mates. Lockdown is a big adjustment for anyone to make. Try and talk to her calmly when she comes home hopefully she'll see sense and all this will be over soon.

Original poster

Randomword6 · 05/04/2020 22:38

Hi the added issue is that they were drinking, so even if she was careful to use barriers at first, guards slip in lots of ways after a few drinks.

OP posts:

goose1964 · 05/04/2020 22:44

Unfortunately the original messages about covid19 were all about how the elderly and disabled were going to die but young people would only get a mild case.Unfortunately a now know it's bollocks but the new message doesn't seem to be getting through.

Arseit · 05/04/2020 22:50

Ok - so she’s made her choice. Which was to go out. I’d now say to her that choice has resulted in you not being welcome here for the next 7 days so what’s your plan.

excitednerves · 05/04/2020 22:51

OP, my 18 year old step daughter went to meet her boyfriend today - she lied and said she was going for a walk. She is now not allowed to leave the house without me or her dad with her, or her other option is to stay with her boyfriend until this is over - up to her. I hope your daughter can see sense.

midsomermurderess · 05/04/2020 23:01

Surely you must report her.

DameHannahRelf · 05/04/2020 23:15

I think if you don't do something drastic, she'll not take you seriously. She needs to know how serious this is! Agreed she's an adult and can do what she likes, but so are you, and that includes telling other adults who don't respect your house rules, that they need to leave. If she wants to "act the big girl" as we'd say here, she needs to feel the consequences of her actions. She could literally get someone killed, out hanging off her mates, snogging blokes (and maybe not even remembering who all she came within 2m off)

I know it must be hard for people that age, but with IM, social media, video chat etc, it's manageable.

Original poster

Randomword6 · 06/04/2020 01:27

It helps to hear other people's take on it all, and other's experiences.

OP posts:

bettybeans · 06/04/2020 01:39

A little reminder that they just put you and every other person their friends live with at risk might help. If something happens to one of you was it really worth it to go and sit in some field for a chat they could've done online? They're presumably digitally literate, they'd do well to think of the advantages that gives them over those who aren't, or those who can't afford to be. Rules apply to them too.

Theflushedzebra · 06/04/2020 01:59

Yanbu to be angry OP - it goes against all guidelines. But she's 20, so she alone is responsible, not your DP.

As others have said - she needs to to isolate as best she can now - confined to her room, meals brought to her etc. This is what we did with Dh when he had symptoms a couple of weeks ago.

Hopefully, from what you've said, she hasn't been exposed to too much risk - but I know from experience, it's incredibly easy to say/think you'll stay 2m apart, and then drift closer. I happened to see my neighbour today whilst walking the dogs (allowed) and we chatted, and I just noticed we drifted closer and closer together while we were talking. It's something to be aware of.

Sweetener12 · 06/04/2020 06:54

So she is an adult and you can't tell her what to do. Tick.
It was your (I mean both of you) choice that she will live with you, wasn't it? Tick.
What do you want from us now? My niece also goes out to meet some friends, they mostly spend time at each other's places and her parents and her friends' parents don't see this as such a problem. They are all adults, they can decide for themselves now.

AnyFucker · 06/04/2020 06:58

What are you going to do, op ?

HopeYouStepOnALego · 06/04/2020 07:07

My DD19 is a key worker and desperate to meet her girlfriends but knows she can't. They've all decided to meet up virtually using Zoom some evenings. To make it more real all the girls do their make up and hair and dress up as though going out(or out of PJs at least), they get a few drinks to hand and then "meet up" to have a good gossip and some laughs. Maybe your DD could try this instead?

EricaNernie · 06/04/2020 07:10

dd's friend is meeting up with her bf
we were walking recently and a 20 year old down the road sat in the field with his friend one day, a female friend the next day. not six feet apart.
they think they are invincible.

EricaNernie · 06/04/2020 07:11

They are not listening,this demographic.

Etinox · 06/04/2020 07:43

They are listening. DS 20 hasn’t seen any friends since before lockdown, bar half an hour. He walked to the local park, walked round with friend keeping 3m apart and walked home. Straight into bath. If his friend had been to the supermarket where he works they’d have been in closer contact. My observations of people out have been families, not young ‘uns.

EricaNernie · 06/04/2020 08:00

but your ds still met a friend
that is not listening @etinox

Ginfordinner · 06/04/2020 08:32

This is why adult children shouldn’t live at home.

Nearly all the 20 year olds I know are students. As universities have closed and students have been advised to go home what do you suggest?

DD is 19, and all but one of her friends are not local. She did want to walk the dog with her local friend the other day, but I put my foot down. As DD is studying a medical related degree she fully understands the implications of social distancing. Admittedly she did flounce a bit, but she stayed in.

TeddTess · 06/04/2020 08:38

I'm hearing this all the time from friends with dc who are now home from uni or living at home in their early 20s.

They just don't seem to get it, or if they do they want to see their friends more than they worry about the virus. And that's why other countries have police on the street and total lockdown. Black or white. These shades of grey we're in at the moment leave it to open to manipulation/justification for those without sense.

My dsis was in an M&S BP garage on friday, said about 20 20-somethings piled in altogether to grab snacks etc. the staff were despairing.

amidaiwas · 06/04/2020 08:40

If his friend had been to the supermarket where he works they’d have been in closer contact

and THIS is exactly the problem we are in. everyone can justify a "quick meet up"

Etinox · 06/04/2020 08:55

@amidaiwas and @EricaNernie
You’re both right and I wasn’t happy about at the time and feel uneasy now. FWIW I think he and friend realised once they saw each other in the park it was against advice, hence the v short time out of the house. It won’t happen again.

crustycrab · 06/04/2020 08:56

Not fair to blame a certain demographic. I've got friends in their 40s (NHS workers) who are still socialising in each other's houses

Original poster

Randomword6 · 06/04/2020 14:21

To say they are all adults and can decide doesn't cover the issue of what their choices can mean for other people.
Their choices could mean other people die. Having choice doesn't mean having no responsibility.

OP posts:

ChickLitLover · 06/04/2020 14:35

She wouldn’t be coming back in the house now if she lived here. She knew she shouldn’t do it. She’s behaved selfishly and irresponsibly and she’d have to suck up the consequences. I’m a very ‘soft’ parent about lots of things but I wouldn’t stand for this.

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