AIBU to think my family and I are expendable?

[gleichtot]

I can't put this in AIBU as MNHQ will move it to the CV topic

But AIBU to think my children and I are expendable?

No underlying conditions. No reason for us to be unduly concerned. Beloved mum has cancer, so I haven't seen her or DDad for ages. DSis has a partner who is an ICU doctor so I'm not seeing her either. Fine.

But everything that mattered to me has gone. I am sticking to the shitty, horrible, hated rules. So are my teenagers, because I make them. So I am stuck in the tiniest house known to mankind, with a yard the size of the proverbial postage stamp. They should be doing GCSE and A level and having fun with friends. They are in the house, other than for their allowed period of exercise.

Same here.

I have lost my income. I fall between every stool, so can claim nothing. I don't exist, in governmental terms.

Yet I still have to pay bills, feed my family, etc, etc, etc. It would be better if I caught CV and died, but nobody will fucking let me catch it because they are all busy socially distancing. The only things that have kept me going after I fought my way out of a marriage in which my DC were abused, was my RL friends, my lovely DP (whom I can't see, as we don't live together) and my work.

I now have none of these. Yet I am evidently regarded as less important than all the people I am helping to shield.

I take it that means I am expendable, and my teenagers likewise.

Very, very sad.

PS MNHQ please don't tell me to ring the Samaritans. I don't want someone to "listen". I want someone to make this go away.
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I fall between every stool, so can claim nothing. I don't exist, in governmental terms.

I don't want someone to "listen". I want someone to make this go away.

I'm very sorry that you're in this situation, have you spoken to Citizens Advice? Naturally, they're extremely busy at the moment but they should help to clarify what assistance you're entitled to.

I am really sorry it’s hard. It’s tempting to blame the rules and anything at all but it’s just a bad time for everyone full stop - no one was prepared for a pandemic and the only rule I can follow is taking a day at a time and finding positives in that however simple; and asking for help where you can. I feel for you as it just isn’t at all easy.

It'll end. In the end. Just hold on. Just keep your head, or even your nose, above the water, if you can, for as long as you can.

Ps my post wasn’t helpful though and I so wish it was as I really hear what you say.

Can you talk to your dp regularly and can he support you?
I’m so sorry and know I don’t know you but wish I could help and really would

That’s a good advice - do hold on to the fact that this is temporary , it WILL pass

Good times don’t last unfortunately but neither do the bad. You will smile again and be happy. That is a given

Everything passes. This will pass. I was thinking about Caroline Flack the other day. If she had just held on for a few weeks this would have / may have completely over shadowed the plight that was so pressing to her at the time. What a shame!

Let this pass. Cheesy as it sounds, life is a roller coaster. You’re day will come again.

How come you can’t claim OP? Surely they have to give you benefits to feed your children?

How do you fall between all the cracks re money, op?

Thanks for kindness.

I am the most reviled of creatures, namely a landlord. I have no other income at all, but my assets are such that I qualify for nothing at all. I can't sell them because of Covid. My tenants can't pay, for various legitimate and quite understandable reasons. But I still have to pay all the outgoings (part of their deals). No mortgages, so no mortgage holidays. Yes, I'm fortunate in that they were the pay-off for having been married to someone who abused our children. But they don't help me now.

So I have no income, and no help. I would sell my body, if it were worth anything, for the sake of the teenagers, but there is absolutely nothing I can sell at the moment.

DP is supportive from an acceptable social distance. He only lives 1.5 miles away. We have been together for 5 years, but we decided he wouldn't move in with me so that my DC would have no more change in their lives (his are adults).

We have done the right thing all the way down the line, including sticking to the lockdown rules, but now I am being completely shafted.

Yet this is apparently a good thing.

This is heart breaking to read. I am so sorry.

It wouldn’t be better if you died. A period of lockdown, however awful it truly is, will be much less awful for your teenagers than losing you early.

I don’t have answers but I truly hope there will be help for you. And this will pass and those reunions with those you can’t see will be truly wonderful. And they will happen x

I have no answers either op, but also want to reiterate that the world is a much better place with you in it and this will pass. It won't be easy and things might be shit for a while, but please hang in there as your DCs sound like they've been through a lot already so they need their mum.

Just keep breathing Op and take one day at a time. Please be kind to yourself

Oh God, those last two posts made me cry. Especially because I have been on some other threads to say that I am a bit desperate, and have been told to fuck off. So kindness is a bit unexpected.

Can none of the tenants pay? Are they all getting no income? This is only 2 weeks in, surely this hasn’t impacted straight away.
It will right itself if you can hold on in the short term.
Like others have said you are definitely better being here, the thought of your children, partner and family losing you is not an option particularly after what your children have already been through.
You must be entitled to something, it’s just a case of finding out what. If not take advantage if what’s available- food banks etc. Don’t be afraid to tell family and ask for help...what’s there to lose?
Hope things improve

Your children love you. And this is the time to show them how to hang on when things are terribly difficult.
Someday, maybe when they have children, they may need this skill.

I’m so sorry you feel so bad . I can’t give any helpful advice .But things will get better . Take care 💜

OP, you say you are not entitled to anything, and that might be true, I don't know anything about benefits.

But if you are a landlord with property and no mortgage you can get a mortgage on your property, which will give you the money to tide you over for the foreseeable future? If you apply it can be done within a couple of weeks and yes, you will then have to pay it off, but you can do that over many years, and the rates are so low at the moment, although it isn't ideal, it isn't that expensive. And then when you are back on your feet, you can pay it back.

Nothing is impossible, you can cope, it will pass.

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time OP It's really tough right now, but this too shall pass. You are doing the right thing for the sake of people like your mum.

My DH has cancer too, and people like you doing the right thing even when it's so so hard are the only thing that is enabling his chemo to carry on. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this, but you're not understanding why we are in lock down:

Yet I am evidently regarded as less important than all the people I am helping to shield.

You and your children could get this, you could get really ill. And if the nhs is at breaking point then you have less chance of surviving if things go wrong.

This isnt about who matters more. This isnt about you giving anything up for those shielding - we cant leave the house so you're not protecting us by staying in.

Please get some help.

Oh op. No advice but wish i could give you a big hug. The world would be a much worse place without you in it. Your children who need you would miss you terribly and that missing you would never end for them, whereas this pandemic and this awful situation will end. This time next year everything will look so different it will be hard to comprehend what even happened. Hold tight. I have no real advice for you but wanted you to know you've got this.

I’m not sure what happened with it but wasn’t the chancellor talking about providing help for renters too? If they pay you an all in fee and they are now not paying rent, could they at least cover their bills? It’s not a lot of money to each of them if they aren’t paying rent but it’s a lot of money for you to cover. Also I’m not sure whether they paid you deposits but could some of this money come out of these in the short term or are you not allowed to touch those (sorry I don’t know how this works). Can your family help in the short term? Can your bank?

You are not expendable! Your kids and your DP love and need you. Please try to find out what help you are entitled to. Reach out to your family. Lean on your DP as much as you can.

Talk to the banks: as others have said,you may gain a loan or a 0% credit card to keep going. I second going to citizens advice: they may be able to spot something we have not thought of. Forgive me for asking, but do you not work due to a disability of any kind? If so, you might be able to get contribution-based ESA. If you did work or have been furlogued, you should get some help under the Government's scheme.

Hold on. Better times are coming.

Definitely try to apply for universal credit and get an advance.

Or a bank loan? You have collateral in the form of assets, they will likely lend to you. You can always sell an asset after to clear the debt.

And so sorry for all you're going through

I'm sorry I can't make this go away. I wish I could.

Yes, I'm fortunate in that they were the pay-off for having been married to someone who abused our children.

Yeh, you can express it that way and in ordinary times it might be a comfort to do so (even tho it's not fortunate to have been through the chain of events that led to it and it's ok to say that). But right now it's another source of injustice in your life, which seems even more unfair - that after all you've been through it's that previous injustice that is now making things tougher than they should be. The universe can be a bastard.

You do deserve kindness.

Helen, I really am understanding why we are in lockdown. I am feeling sorry for me, but I know it's about flattening the curve and protecting frontline NHS staff. That's why I'm going along with it.

If it comes to it, I quite honestly don't care if the NHS doesn't have capacity for me, should I need it. My DC will in all statistical likelihood be fine if they catch it.

Cake, I have spent more than 10 years showing my children how to get through shitty stuff and to come through the other side. This, though, has taken away all my coping mechanisms. All my coping mechanisms rely on me being bright and breezy and out of the house and seeing other people. And on my lovely children being at school, with their friends, doing the things they enjoy. Not cooped up in a tiny indoors space, where we take it in turns to go for a walk so that we can reduce the pressure on all of us inside.

Clariana, nobody will lend on the basis of rental income (despite assets, including my own house), because my credit score is still linked to XH's. Even though my own is immaculate. I have repeatedly tried, including sub-prime and 'bad credit' (to my shame, given that I have never, ever defaulted on anything and have never had so much as an overdraft, even as a student). No luck.

It sounds as if I'm just being negative and rejecting all helpful suggestions (for which I am very grateful). I'm honestly not. I just don't see any way out of this. The lockdown is the final straw for me. It is indescribable.