AIBU to think my family and I are expendable?

[gleichtot]

I can't put this in AIBU as MNHQ will move it to the CV topic

But AIBU to think my children and I are expendable?

No underlying conditions. No reason for us to be unduly concerned. Beloved mum has cancer, so I haven't seen her or DDad for ages. DSis has a partner who is an ICU doctor so I'm not seeing her either. Fine.

But everything that mattered to me has gone. I am sticking to the shitty, horrible, hated rules. So are my teenagers, because I make them. So I am stuck in the tiniest house known to mankind, with a yard the size of the proverbial postage stamp. They should be doing GCSE and A level and having fun with friends. They are in the house, other than for their allowed period of exercise.

Same here.

I have lost my income. I fall between every stool, so can claim nothing. I don't exist, in governmental terms.

Yet I still have to pay bills, feed my family, etc, etc, etc. It would be better if I caught CV and died, but nobody will fucking let me catch it because they are all busy socially distancing. The only things that have kept me going after I fought my way out of a marriage in which my DC were abused, was my RL friends, my lovely DP (whom I can't see, as we don't live together) and my work.

I now have none of these. Yet I am evidently regarded as less important than all the people I am helping to shield.

I take it that means I am expendable, and my teenagers likewise.

Very, very sad.

PS MNHQ please don't tell me to ring the Samaritans. I don't want someone to "listen". I want someone to make this go away.
.

Are your tenants going to be claiming Universal Credit? That will pay their rent, or most of it.
I really hope you get sorted soon, this too shall pass. Sorry I know that sounds a bit trite but it will end.

Oh God, those last two posts made me cry. Especially because I have been on some other threads to say that I am a bit desperate, and have been told to fuck off. So kindness is a bit unexpected

Kindness should not be unexpected, everyone deserves it. I think many people are very scared and not understanding the world at the moment. Some people are reacting by lashing out. It doesn’t make it right, but can perhaps help you see that it doesn’t make what they are saying true or right.

You can of course get a mortgage. Your tenants can get help to pay their rent. My tenant e mailed me to say she was in isolation but her husband and daughter were key workers, they were going to look into getting help if it became necessary to augment their income.

I suggest you find out what your tenants are doing about getting help with their financial issues, you may have to point them in the right direction, which kind of makes you their social services advisor. Some people are not good at finding out where they can get help from.

Nobody can 'make this go away' op. You have to deal with the situation as it is and accept what help is available - just like everyone else.

It sounds like you've been through a hell of a lot and come out the other side, so you must have a side to you that's a fighter.

I have personally spent the past six years struggling to free myself from the wreckage of an abusive relationship and yes, there's a part of me that's exhausted and battle weary and can't deal with this shit on top of everything else - but there's another part of me that knows I've come too far to give up now.

I didn't expect to read a post like yours. I don’t know what to say only that I’m so sorry you feel like this. I can’t fathom how much you’ve been through and your kids in that circumstance. I wish I could help. I can only echo pp in that the world is positively better with you in it. If you can’t pay then it’s out of your hands. 80% wages doesn’t always mean broke for people, maybe see what they can pay? Can you partner help in any way?

I can't read now for tears. I didn't expect kindness.

The rentals are short-term/serviced, so slightly different in terms of tenants. They have in any case been outlawed now. But there is still no help.

I have two 0% credit cards (fortunately), which are paying for food. Utilities x 4 are going out regardless.

My work has been managing and cleaning the serviced lets. I gave up a real and very good job to care for the DC, not least DC1 with ASD (no regrets about this - it was the right thing at the time, and meant the DC were safe from XH who WFH).

Thank you for the virtual hug, Geepipe.

I'm sorry to read that OP and am replying as a fellow invisible. I do work, in an independent (se) business to that of my self employed business but because we are married (and presumably earning too little to make it matter more) my tax is paid as his! So,when his business was thriving and I stayed home to rear our children (as he was working 7 days a week, 12 hours a day), I vanished.

I will look to change this, even if it means less earnings - which are meagre as it is - after this. But I hear you. I am far more political and up to date than my husband. He asks me how he should vote but I don't matter....I don't exist. I am a member of various committees and i am helping our children form their opinions, my husband is too busy working, so my opinion has influence, however miniscule, elsewhere.

Unfortunately no campaigner has ever called to my house, but if they do,they will be offered a seat and a cuppa and the chance to explain why my vote (and that of my ilk) is worth so little.

Not sure if this will help OP but you are not alone in this. The uncertainty is palpable across the world. Stay as healthy as you can, keep you DC well and you will overcome this eventually. I don’t have any answers only that I know you will get through this. 😘

They cannot just not pay you. Tell them to leave if they will not even attempt a solution.

Interesting business, there is covid advice on here

theasap.org.uk/non-members-consumers/about-serviced-apartments/what-is-a-serviced-apartment/

I presume you have applied for 12 month rate relief.

Please hang in there Op, your children will be so much worse off without you there. Please please please hang in there as this will all end and you will be ok.

I just want to say you sound like an amazing mum. A strong one too. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Hopefully you can take some of the financial advise on here, or access some help somehow.
What would you say if one of your children felt like this? Give yourself a big hug and give yourself the advise that you would give your child xxx

Do you have to pay tax on your rental income? Because, if you do, doesn't that make you self employed?

I might be completely wrong, obviously, as I know nothing...

Also - speak to your utility companies. They may be able to help you in the short term.

OK, so some people will have my guts for garters but here goes, have you considered moving your DP in on a short term basis? Until the lockdown restrictions are relaxed? Maybe he could help you out a bit and your joint living costs will be lower and it’s company for you both.

Remember, you can leave the house more than once a day as long as you stick to the social isolating guidelines.

One other thing, there are some jobs going doing call centre type work from home.

Sorry you’re feeling like this.

you could advertise your properties on a rolling contract for key workers who need to live away from home?

I sympathise OP. After 5 years as a sahm I finally launched my business in January. Paid out all expenses and because of lockdown have had to wind it up.
My only (personal) income is my rental property and my tenants have just given notice.
I’m back to being completely financially reliant on my DH.
He works crazy hours so it’s me and the kids mon-fri in the house.
We don’t do the daily exercise as I’m scared of getting the virus and haven’t been out for 17 days now.
I know I should take them for a walk but I really can’t face it right now.
I posted something on the BBQ thread about feeling too sad to even think about having a BBQ and someone wrote the nastiest comment back about how pathetic I am.

Sorry I meant social distancing up above.

Tired, I am so, so sorry to read this. People shouldn't be posting horrible stuff. It isn't 'pathetic' to be unhappy and in a difficult situation.

justasking, thank you very much indeed for the link. I will look once I've written this post.

deux, even if DP were willing (which he probably wouldn't be - we are both that bit older and he is very much set in his ways), I can't unsettle my DC by moving him in. So much has tilted on its axis for them that as much as possible needs to stay stable. (Which also means I have to stay alive, even though I don't want to now that I'm essentially in solitary confinement with them).

monkey, I have done that - a good suggestion!

Oak, I do indeed pay tax. Lots of it. However, it's 'land and property' in HMRC terms, rather than 'self-employed'.

I have some gin and a pill that will help me sleep now after three nights of not sleeping at all so am a bit dopey (I have to ration said pills) but will check in again tomorrow. Will look at justasking's link before I keel over, though.

Thank you for kindness - a rare commodity on here at the moment.

You are not alone OP. Everyone is impacted by this unprecedented, horrifying, extraordinary situation we are in. We’re all scared and worried about our futures and finances. Teens all over the world (apart from maybe Sweden ) are stuck in. We’re all in limbo hoping no one close to us will end up in an ITU, if they can get to one that is,

We just have to find something positive each day (it’s Spring thank god, imagine if it was November!) and wait for it to pass. Hopefully appreciate our freedom all the more when it does.

I do a daily brisk walk on my own for an hour, headphones on, my gym playlist on maximum volume, watch ahead for anyone coming and give them a wide berth. Really helps my MH and my legs will be great after this!

Please don’t say it doesn’t matter if you die, I find that really disrespectful to your children who will be devastated and need you for years to come .

Hi OP,
I'm so sorry to hear your predicament.
I wanted to suggest that in this international emergency you give yourself a break and introduce your own emergency measures at home.

You describe yourself as still having bills to pay. I would suggest (difficult as this is) that you don't pay them. Cancel every direct debit etc that you can. This is not as barmy as it first sounds I think the utility companies have been instructed not to cut anybody off at this time. There are usually priority bills that must be paid but nothing is more important than feeding your family so when you are not sure how you are going to feed your family then don't pay anything else. If the apartments are not bringing in any money then tell the managing agency that you can't afford to pay their fees (you have no other income) and they will have to take any management or cleaning fees from your next payment or let the apartments lie fallow until you are able to sell one. You can then settle outstanding fees from the sale.

Does your credit card allow a money transfer to your bank at a low rate or interest fee for a fee (like a balance transfer but to your bank rather than another credit card) if it does then take one. Keep the cash available for food until you have something sustainable in place.

I believe banks have been asked to offer overdrafts and not charge interest at the moment so that is another route to look at. If you don't get child benefit for your kids because your earnings are too high you may be able to register now? (even if you had to repay it later if things recover this financial year).

Find out if your letting properties might allow you to access one of the government backed loans that is interest free for a year that is being introduced.

It sounds like you and your kids would be at a lower risk if you caught the virus? If that is also true of your partner and his family and you need to see him then I would say see him. The social distancing rules are designed to save lives. If you are suicidal in your isolation then in your case they could cost a life instead. Keep distancing in all the other ways but if you need to see your partner to cope then just do it.

All you need to do is hold it together long enough to sell one property. That means keeping your children fed. You don't need to keep up with bills. Many many people wont be able to keep up with bills right now. More help might be announced to come - just hang in there and accept help wherever you can find it. The Debt Free Wannabe forum pages of the Money Saving Expert website are good at looking at your finances with you and I'm sure the experts on there are trying to keep up with all the new help that is being announced.

Take it one day at a time, lower your expectations right down. Each day that you get you and your kids through is a success right now xxx

Another thought OP is that despite all the difficulties at the moment there will be cash buyers looking to take advantage of distressed property sales and bag a bargain.

Hello gleichtot, how are you today x

@Winter2020
Another thought OP is that despite all the difficulties at the moment there will be cash buyers looking to take advantage of distressed property sales and bag a bargain.

Very risky because mortgage companies will be anticipating further falls, even a cash buyer does not want to see their capital disappear unless like Warren Buffet they take the 20 year approach.

Fuck me - a poster saying they are so desperately broken by current circumstances and lockdown that they would prefer to die of COVID than live and someone comes on to say 'but you don't understand why we're in lockdown'.

Fucking hell.