Genuine opinions wanted. Should I let my daughter come to stay

[Progress2019]

My daughter is 18 and lives alone in a flat 25 minutes walk from our house. Shes self isolated since the 17th March, only going out to the shop, on her own.

She wants to know if she can come back for the rest of the lockdown as the loneliness is getting to her. Her mental health isn’t always brilliant, but she seems ok, just wants to be with us. She usually wants her own space, so for her to admit this is quite a big deal.

Her sister and I haven’t been outside (apart from the garden) since the lockdown started. My husband goes to the shop and for walks in the evening. He and I are working from home, both daughters places of work are currently closed.

I think its fine for her to come back. We would all rather shes here, but my friend has made me doubt myself. She says we’re putting ourselves at risk, and breaking rules. I know some uni students are still making their way home, so I can’t think this is different, apart from she doesn’t need to use public transport to get here.

I’d be interested in hearing opinions.

@EarlGreyT can you wuote those exact rules?

Glad you've decided that you'll let her. It wouldn't even be a question for me.

Of course you should, OP!

I've been separated from my entire family, i.e. my daughter, my mother and my siblings, since this has started. Nothing I've experienced in my life thus far has been as isolating and anti-climactically horrifying as this!

I'm stopping myself from fetching my child every day by sheer willpower: she's better off with her father right now than she is with me due to differing local policies. But: it's ripping me apart. And if I didn't genuinely think it was what's best for her to staybput, I'd be moving heaven and hell to go get her. It's a daily struggle even though I know she's fine and safe with dad and that he's much better placed to give her the best care than I am, while I make sure she and I will have a livelihood going forward!

@PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock
www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-outbreak-faqs-what-you-can-and-cant-do/coronavirus-outbreak-faqs-what-you-can-and-cant-do

Gov uk quote:

1. When am I allowed to leave the house?
You should only leave the house for very limited purposes:

shopping for basic necessities, for example food and medicine, which must be as infrequent as possible
one form of exercise a day, for example a run, walk, or cycle - alone or with members of your household
any medical need, including to donate blood, avoid or escape risk of injury or harm, or to provide care or to help a vulnerable person
travelling for work purposes, but only where you cannot work from home

Letting her daughter leave her house to come home doesn’t fall into any of the above.

The post by the Palinesque Earl GreyT sums up pointless obedience to a discredited hierarchy. No-one expects the Spanish Inquisition!

100% yes xx

@EarlGreyT Or, you could read the actual legislation.

I would in a heartbeat, glad she's coming home!

I think the summary from gov.uk I have posted above is clear enough. It isn’t allowed however you want to try and twist it.

@EarlGreyT it's legal.

You can read all the government wishes that you like. But what went through parliament is what is actual law.

@BrexpatInSwitzerland I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you. All you want at this time is your people around you and to keep them safe. I don’t care if its frowned on by mumsnetters, Im sending you a hug.

@EarlGreyT s comments are exactly like my friends that made me doubt myself. I do see what you’re saying but Im going to go with the majority. The only people we’d be risking, is the four of us, and we’re all adults, and agree to this. I think the risks of her being alone are greater. Shes my baby, although she thinks of herself as completely grown up, and I want her where I can see her.

I haven’t begged her at all, in case it sounds like I have. I’ve always just reminded her she has a room here. Thats the best way to be with her.

I wouldn’t care whether it’s legal or not. She is the OP’s child and she needs to come home. No amount of government legislation would stop that happening for me.

You're fine, OP.

"The problem has been that ministers and officials, eager to prevent transmission of the coronavirus, are circulating more restrictive guidance than is in statute or the regulations."

www.theguardian.com/world/2020/apr/01/what-are-your-rights-in-lockdown-britain-coronavirus

If she was living with another parent she would be allowed to swap houses. If this was my daughter I'd let her come home too.

Definitely- no question.

Welcome her home, bake a cake, wash your hands.

@LimescaleCowboy
The legislation says the same thing. Still not allowed. The OP’s daughter is 18 and not a child and therefore the child care/parental responsibility section is irrelevant to her.

www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2020/350/regulation/6/made

She hasn’t self-isolated, she’s been to the shop.
You should all stay in for 14 days to avoid passing anything on to others.

@EarlGreyT do you have children? Would you allow your child home in this instance if you do?
Op you are doing the right thing, I’d totally let her home

Unless you are in the shielding group everyone in the household is allowed out for all the permitted reasons. So it's not that much more of a risk if she moves in than if she already lived in the house and went out for permitted reasons.

I would in a heartbeat

To move house where reasonably necessary

DD is distressed,struggles with her MH and wants to move back home. Definitely reasonable, very likely necessary if her MH were to decline especially if rejected by her mother/family.

Combining households is a risk.

S6(2)(l) permits you to go out to move house where "reasonably necessary". If the OP genuinely thinks there's a risk of her DD not coping on her own, then I'd argue this falls within that exemption.

There is a strong preference in getting family to care for family where possible as it takes pressure off the NHS - if the DD could be at risk of self-harm if left on her own for months on end, then moving absolutely is the right call.

If she's just a bit bored, then no, it's not necessary. But I'd wager that the OP knows her DD better than any of us and is best-placed to assess whether she "needs" to move in with her or just "wants" to do so.

Another vote for I would!