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Original poster

Anyone else struggling (childlessness and work)?

38 replies

ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo · 01/04/2020 11:48

Hi all.

This may just be my unfortunate situation at work but it'd be good to hear I'm not alone in this. Before I start, I know this isn't a competition, that having to work with kids around is harder than without, and that I'm lucky to be able to WFH without interruptions. I really don't want a thread about parents vs non-parents. I'm just looking for support in case anyone else is finding this difficult. I haven't seen any other threads about it.

My employer is being really flexible about childcare issues, which is great and I fully support that. The way it works is that we're all WFH and parents are asked to do as many hours as is feasible, and the employer will top up the rest either with credits or special leave. Naturally, those without kids aren't entitled to it which of course is fair enough. However, it does mean that we're the only ones doing our contracted hours, and that we're also picking up all of the work that's not being done because over half of our workforce is working between 40% and 70% of normal hours.

I've raised that this is having an impact on wellbeing but my employer is basically of the view that we're all in this together etc. I do get that to an extent, but I'm also feeling the strain of working all of this overtime.

Anyone else struggling with this?

OP posts:
Didkdt · 01/04/2020 12:03

I think it's ok to raise title depends on the work you do and can it be worked around
I'm expected to do my role but my boss has said I don't need to do all my hours in core hours.

Didkdt · 01/04/2020 12:05

It should say this not title
I am WFH with children. Normally when I do I have childcare for the holidays. At the moment I don't so as my reply above really

GreenWheat · 01/04/2020 12:09

Yeah, I agree with your employer. We are all in this together. Parents have suddenly been tasked with overseeing educating their children. Others will therefore have to temporarily pick up the slack.

BriefDisaster · 01/04/2020 12:09

I am someone with kids who is having to work as much as I can and get flexi credits to make up hours.

I feel soooo bad about this for the members of my team with no children or grown up children and agree that measures should be in place to ensure their wellbeing doesn't suffer during all of this, from picking up all the slack.

I hate that I am adding pressure to people but I just cannot do my work to the required standard with a 6 and 3 year old hanging off me or battering lumps out each other in the background.

ememem84 · 01/04/2020 12:09

I think it's ok to raise it. I'm on the other side of it and trying to work with two little (oldest being 2.5) around. it is a bit of a nightmare to juggle even with DH at home.

my employer has said that we all need to be flexible etc and help each other out, but there's only so much people can do. so if its having an effect on you absolutely raise it. mental health was so so important a few weeks ago - it seems to have been forgotten now.

if they're a decent employer they'll get it.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 01/04/2020 12:11

Just do what you can do. Don't make yourself ill trying to ensure someone else's work is done.

Like you say, you're all in this together.

MabelMoo23 · 01/04/2020 12:14

It’s definitely ok to raise it. I’m WFH with children and it’s bloody hard. I’m just really conscious though of trying to get everything done so I don’t end of leaving those colleagues without children to pick it all up. Because that’s crap.

Yes we are all in it together, but everyone has to do the best they can. Those with children and those without. You can’t do everything

ToDoListAddict · 01/04/2020 12:16

I'm childless and WFH and have had numerous jokes from my boss (with children) that I'll have to help him with his workloads.
Nothing has happened yet and I agree we're all in it together but at the same time resent that he believes I'm free to cover everyone's workloads.
I have several family members self isolating and I'm trying to help them get all the food etc they need.
This situation is tough for everyone in different ways Sad

Original poster
ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo · 01/04/2020 12:18

Thanks all! I definitely appreciate that it's worse for people trying to work around toddlers etc. - I'm lucky in that respect! Grin

I have raised it but unfortunately employer isn't interested. They just say it's only for a short while and parents can't help it - which is true.

OP posts:
Msloverlover · 01/04/2020 12:23

Could you see it as a combination of doing your job and then some volunteer work that ensures your company keeps going and in turn ensures you all have a job at the end of this? As someone said previously, those parents wfh are now also educating their own children. Everyone needs to take on a bit extra right now.

Original poster
ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo · 01/04/2020 12:30

@Msloverlover Thank you, that's a good suggestion. I'll try and reframe it like that!

OP posts:
rc22 · 01/04/2020 12:32

Yes nothing more heart warming as a childless 43 year old woman "It's alright for you you don't have kids" as I was the other day!

Ginger1982 · 01/04/2020 12:39

This is interesting. I am WFH and caring for a toddler. We have a remote 'clocking in' system and I'm supposed to do 7 hours a day. I can't do that, so I am losing already built up flexi as a result. I don't expect to be given flexi back to make it up to 7 hours every day when I'm not working that number of hours. That wouldn't be fair to my colleagues who don't have kids and can work the full 7 hours I am hopeful that the company will take a sympathetic view when this is all over and I am deep in the red of negative flexi and perhaps zero off my hours so I start with nothing and start building it up again. That would seem fairest to me.

Jellycatspyjamas · 01/04/2020 12:42

I do get that to an extent, but I'm also feeling the strain of working all of this overtime.

How much overtime are you doing? Is is paid overtime or is the expectation that because you’re working from home you can pick up unlimited extra? In your shoes I’d work my usual hours (given you should be more productive anyway without the interruptions that come with being in the workplace), maybe do a bit extra (eg the time I’d use fir travel) but have a clear start and end to the working day - eg computer goes off at 6 until 8 the following morning. Be clear you’re not available 24/7. Put some boundaries of your own in place and stick to them.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 01/04/2020 12:46

I feel for you OP. No way should you be expected to pick up the slack.

EL8888 · 01/04/2020 12:50

If you are working additional hours over your contracted hours then l would want overtime or time off in lieu. I have worked in too many jobs where the amount of work needed is endless and a line in the sand would be needed to avoid burnout

For me personally l have had a cold and chest infection since this started so l have struggled to just do my contracted hours

Scottishgirl85 · 01/04/2020 12:52

We're all in this together, those kids that your colleagues are raising may one day be a nurse or carer for you in old age.

FWIW I'm working over my normal hours WITH kids and home-schooling etc, by tag-teaming with my husband from 6am to 11pm. We're exhausted but covering for colleagues who are off sick with the virus.

Everyone has to do what they can, but obviously don't make yourself ill.

Original poster
ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo · 01/04/2020 12:52

@Jellycatspyjamas 1-4 hours more per day. It's accruing as credits so entitling me to take it as time off in lieu but realistically nobody is taking holiday at the moment, so I don't know.

I've tried setting boundaries, and will keep doing it. It's difficult because my employer is now expecting us to be available outside of normal hours. I raised an objection to that (on the basis that it was a unilateral change to my employment contract) and was told that if childcare made it impossible to sign on when requested, then fine, but otherwise I'd be expected to "attend" work as normal. I think it's difficult, in all this chaos, to know where to draw the line.

OP posts:
HoffiCoffi13 · 01/04/2020 12:55

It does sound really hard. But really... what’s the alternative? Sounds like those with children physically can’t do more than they are doing, they are trying to care for and educate their children as well as their full time job. It’s not something they ever anticipated having to do.
DH is having to pick up the slack from a lot of his direct reports as they have young children to care for... as do we (a 6, 4 and 1 year old) but I’m not currently working so he’s free to work as many hours as needed.
Are you building up any time off in lieu?

EL8888 · 01/04/2020 12:56

As others have said then boundaries are needed so you are not burnt out. So phone will go off at a certain time and laptop / computer turned off

YetAnotherSpartacus · 01/04/2020 12:56

You are being exploited. No way should you have to work more than a normal working day. I’d say I have backache or something and cannot do this.

MNnicknameforCVthreads · 01/04/2020 12:58

I wouldn’t be at all happy with this OP. And I say that as a parent.

When you say available outside of your normal hours, can you not turn off the laptop and ignore calls? You’re entitled to a life away from work.

I guess it has to be your personal decision how you play this, as it depends how much to want to keep a good relationship with your employer versus making waves.

I’d be inclined to work out what hours you’re happy to work, and stick to them. Then a bit of “Dont explain, don’t complain”. Boundaries are the key here I think

Wilmalovescake · 01/04/2020 12:59

Well, look. I do get what you’re saying but we are simply not in normal times. If we all started insisting on our rights and usual conditions at the moment we’d be even more up shit creek than we are.

HoffiCoffi13 · 01/04/2020 13:00

The thing is many many people are currently working more than a normal day. DH is working 12-15 hour days from home to make up for those in his team who are unable to due to childcare. This means I’m doing 100% of our childcare/home education, so no respite or downtime for anyone. I have friends where both parents are trying to work from home while educating their young children... for most this means one getting up at 5am and working until lunchtime while the other looks after the children, and the other then working from lunchtime until late evening.
It’s shit for everyone. But to keep businesses going I can’t see the alternative?

EL8888 · 01/04/2020 13:01

@Wilmalovescake it’s all well and good. But is OP meant to do 60+ hour weeks for the next 6 months or more potentially?! It’s not sustainable. Plus if mentally or physically she becomes unwell she won’t be able to do any