Anyone else struggling (childlessness and work)?

[ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo]

Hi all.

This may just be my unfortunate situation at work but it'd be good to hear I'm not alone in this. Before I start, I know this isn't a competition, that having to work with kids around is harder than without, and that I'm lucky to be able to WFH without interruptions. I really don't want a thread about parents vs non-parents. I'm just looking for support in case anyone else is finding this difficult. I haven't seen any other threads about it.

My employer is being really flexible about childcare issues, which is great and I fully support that. The way it works is that we're all WFH and parents are asked to do as many hours as is feasible, and the employer will top up the rest either with credits or special leave. Naturally, those without kids aren't entitled to it which of course is fair enough. However, it does mean that we're the only ones doing our contracted hours, and that we're also picking up all of the work that's not being done because over half of our workforce is working between 40% and 70% of normal hours.

I've raised that this is having an impact on wellbeing but my employer is basically of the view that we're all in this together etc. I do get that to an extent, but I'm also feeling the strain of working all of this overtime.

Anyone else struggling with this?

@ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo do you NEED to be available or do they WANT you to. I don’t want to ask too many outing questions but l wondered if there significant issues to you not being more available or does your organisation just want you to be?

I don't think that you are unreasonable to be a bit miffed, it is unfair but so are a lot of things at the moment I guess. Where I am the majority of us with children have a partner at home too, we are a largely female team and surprise surprise the men can't possibly help out at all. I wouldn't mind if people weren't taking the mick.

Personally i am just bearing with people. I would also keep my head down - complainers may equal leavers and the job market is not good.

It sounds like your employer is taking advantage. Have they been affected financially? Is the work they want you to do crucial and cannt be delsyed? I'd only agree to this if it was preventing collapse. If it's not they should be looking at prioritising differently.

I've been wondering about starting a thread like this and am glad someone else did.

It's such a difficult situation. I'm immensely proud to work for an organisation that is so flexible with its workers who have caring responsibilities. My employer has asked parents/similar to be as flexible as possible but it's ok to work minimal hours or not at all if they genuinely can't. Everyone is on full-pay regardless. This is brilliant. Genuinely so. But I do think they need to consider those of us that are picking up the slack and may be doing so for a very long period of time. I can imagine how hard it must be for many working parents at the moment and of course I will pick up the slack BUT this means I am working 12-15 hours a day, every day. There is no overtime payment, no TOIL, no recognition and I'm afraid to say that there is at least one person in my team whom I know is taking the piss by claiming she can't work more than 2 hours per day but I can't question her nor prove anything and trying to do so would be discrimination.

I am trying to just bear with people, to be the helpful one and to reframe things in a similar way to what has been suggested above (looking on this as additional voluntary work in crisis time). I am also focusing on the fact that it is better to be overworked in a company that looks after carers in this way than employed by one that does not treat people like human beings.

The thing is that all the above can be true without also negating the fact that I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm freaking out about world events generally, I'm wondering if I will ever see my terminally ill father again and I have no downtime and no headspace to process any of this.

I don't think there is a solution. It truly is just one of these things in these horrible times, but I really needed to vent to thank you OP for stating this thread.

1-4 hours over is a lot - I think a bit of extra work is possible as a short term measure but if it goes on fir the expected 12 weeks plus it’s less sustainable.

My employer is asking all employees to spread work out across the whole day if they can’t stick to working hours to meet deadlines. It means parents have no excuse not to do the work (and also allows childless people to shop for vulnerable people and volunteer during the day)- but it does mean we can’t provide same day deadlines any more. Could your employer do something similar?

Yoir business needs to be fairer to everyone and if you feel overworked you should raise it and have some time in lieu.

I do feel envious as my employers still expects everyone to be full time, regardless of their situation, with no flexibility really for parents. I am just about coping but I know colleagues with younger children who are in the verge of a nervous breakdown already. We have raised this and the answer is you can take 1 week paid leave. Whilst this is generous, it won't cut it when this lockdown and school closures could be ongoing for months.

It's really difficult for everyone.

OP as you are helping out isolating family members do your hours and turn of your laptop.
If your employer calls you tell them the truth - that you are sorting out medication and/or food shopping for a vulnerable relatives. And no no-one else can do this.

It's tough for everyone. Parents who are having to look after children while continuing to work from home are no doubt looking enviously at those without kids who can just get on with their work, work their hours and then knock off. I think your employer is right to say we are all in this together. I think in your situation I would try and stick to your contracted hours - start and finish at your usual times, take your usual breaks and switch off completely at the end of your day - phone off, laptop off - put them in another room if you can. There's a danger for everyone working from home that work leaks into all your downtime and seeps in to the weekend if you let it (my DH has such a job - he brings work home in normal times and is a slave to his work phone.) It's up to you to police your own time. These are exceptional times for everyone - we all just have to make the best of it as best of it. Personally I think you are among the lucky ones who can continue to work and be paid your salary while working from home. A lot of people are unable to do so, have been laid off and are facing the very real possibility that their jobs won't exist when this is over.

Really feel for you OP - and hope you are looking after your own well being, but look at it this way; if you have a family issue later on down the line, they would, hopefully, give you the same benefits as your colleagues are getting now.

Are you a trade union member?
It's really not acceptable that your boss is expecting you to work 1-4 hours extra per day and to be available outside normal working hours.
If I were you I would put a limit on it eg set times you are willing to be available and set a daily/weekly maximum for overtime hours, make it clear you expect TOIL or paid overtime. Get it all in writing (email is fine).

@SummerRemembered sorry, but you're all human beings. It's looking after some of you at the expense of others. Ultimately, its not down yo childless people to pick up the slack, its down to them to plan how to keep the vital parts of the business running with less capacity.