The problem with 'essential'

[YellowCorvette]

Those around me have a very different definition of what 'essential' means. Currently I'm leaving the house to exercise when it's quiet once a day and food shopping every 9-10 days, going without some stuff but I'm okay.

Yesterday my DM drove an hour and half to pick up some Ebay items from a seller. She genuinely believed it was 'essential' because she wanted the items (things for the garden).

I tried to tell her it was absolutely not essential, she was being selfish, and I actually hoped she'd get stopped by the police and fined, but she was adamant about going.

She's also going to the supermarket every day because she thinks it's 'essential' she has fresh salad every day (she'll only buy enough for the day!!!) despite me saying I'll prefer to drop off anything/everything she needs once a week.

But she keeps harping back to 'we're allowed to do what's essential, and it's essential to me'.

Should the government be a lot clearer so people like my DM understand? She really doesn't think she's flouting guidelines. It's so frustrating.

"I think a kettle is essential too."

Especially for people who are on a pre payment electric meter and worried that there might be a problem with their supply. A kettle uses a lot less electricity than a pan on an electric hob

Maybe essential needs to be relative.
I would have said swimming was essential, but that's taken away from me now, anyway.
My essential still means getting out for exercise but for someone else that would be completely unimportant.
The point is that we all dial down our outings from usual levels, not that any one set of guidelines is the only right one.

*It isn't fair

We have doctors, nurses, cleaners working long shifts in dangerous conditions, even with protective clothing, it's still a risk. I cannot begin to imagine the stress these people are going through every single day

On the other hand there are still people making non essential journeys for their "treats". Because they "need" their treats and must have their treats.

I despair*

Now that's your opinion but I think it's a little unfair . I feel like it's a bit of resentment now towards non essential workers who to no fault of their own have to stay at home and essential workers who have to work .
I would love nothing better than to go to work but can't until lockdown is over but I certainly don't begrudge someone walking to the shop to get a bar of chocolate.

but I certainly don't begrudge someone walking to the shop to get a bar of chocolate

Would you begrudge them if that person had the virus?

If you have any symptoms you shouldn't be leaving the house anyway but no I wouldn't .

my nearly 3 week isolation ended yesterday and i went to a corner shop after about 20 days of not leaving the house. i needed bread and i also wanted chocolate.
i've been quite ill as well and felt super dizzy when i come out as i haven't even been in our garden.
it was beautiful and made me so emotional i wish i could have just walked for miles and miles. (it was a 2 minute car journey to our corner shop) so sadly back home in 5 minutes.

before anyone comments - i have been ill before, the last 7 days were staying in as a precaution.

I'm going to be really stroppy I'm afraid.

The advice is, to only go out for essentials as INFREQUENTLY as possible.

Now I don't care if your essentials are gin and fags or bread and milk, but you should not be going to the shop every day, or even every 2 days or even every 3 days!

Ideally ocne a week, if absolutley necessary then twice.

It is not what you are buying, it is because every single time you leave your house you interact with someone. Eveyr single time you interact with someone, you increas ethe chance of spreading the virus.

It is not easy to get, it is not logical in some ways, Oh, I'm just popping to the shop, only out 10 minutes. That means you and your houselhold are now exposed to every person you passed and every person at the shop, and (this is the bit we don't get our heads round) every person in THEIR households and eveyrone they have been in touch with for the last 48 hours.

STAY AT HOME means exactly that. Think of leaving the house as resetting your family's protection to zero every time.

Bl;oody stupid to drive 1.5 hours to get garden furniture.
Apart from petrol station, what if she breaks down etc etc, she has now effectively created a link between where she lives and that place 1.5 hours away. So if anyone in her town or theirs has the virus, she may have just passed it from one place to the other.

this epidemiologist explains it, and why 'cheating' put the whole thing at risk:

You should perceive your entire family to function as a single individual unit: If one person puts themselves at risk, everyone in the unit is at risk. Seemingly small social chains get large and complex with alarming speed. If your son visits his girlfriend, and you later sneak over for coffee with a neighbor, your neighbor is now connected to the infected office worker that your son’s girlfriend’s mother shook hands with. This sounds silly, it’s not. This is not a joke or hypothetical. We as epidemiologists see it borne out in the data time and time again. Conversely, any break in that chain breaks disease transmission along that chain.

I completely agree OP. The guidelines are much too vague, which has led to so much confusion about what is and isn't allowed.

My DH asked if it would be okay to pop round to his mates house half an hour away for a beer as he's just split up with his girlfriend. We have very different definitions of essential, obviously. (I told him he was an idiot and not leaving the house.)

*Now I don't care if your essentials are gin and fags or bread and milk, but you should not be going to the shop every day, or even every 2 days or even every 3 days!

Ideally ocne a week, if absolutley necessary then twice.*

I completely get the "infrequently as possible" thing however, what's possible for some may not be possible to all, so you cant prescribe that "no one needs to go shopping every 2 or 3 days" without knowing their circumstances.
For example a couple with a car may, quite feasibly be able to go to the supermarket and buy (and be able to afford in one go) enough food for example 14 days. A family of 5 with a child in nappies, a pet and no access to a car might need to go several times to the shops as it would be impossible for 1 person to carry all their shopping for a week.

My DM is making sure she goes to shops daily.
Newsagents for her ohs paper.. Supermarket don't always have it
Then goes yo sainsburys for 1 or 2 things
Today to the range for a cleaning item that she could have got in sainsburys.
Then she'll go bk to a shop for my nans stuff which is one or 2 items which she could get the same time as hers.
Granted she s doesn't drive but she's a stones throw away from the shops.
She's literally done 1 to 3 shops every day since the rules came into place.. She uses the excuse its her daily exercise by going to the shops.

I live in Michigan, and we've had essential defined as "supporting or protecting life".

Now - if I'm buying groceries, I buy some things like wine/beer/chocolate as well, but that's it. I'm going to buy groceries about once every 2 or 3 weeks, and otherwise there's nothing in or out of this house. 2 of us are 'at risk' (although not dangerously) and we're able to stay home so that's what we're doing.

People are talking about things that they want or like, as if they have to have them or they will die. I think that several govt.s have decided to trade-off allowing greater freedom than a true lock-down, with accepting that the death rate will be higher as a result. A true lockdown for a month would massively reduce the virus, but there would be almost no economy left to revive.

@Qasd
Given the government actually designated off licences as essential shops to stay open yes I think opinions differ! many on Mumsnet seem to think milk is not essential but the government basically said wine is

Off licences ARE usually essential shops though.
Don't know about the ones near you but round here ours sells stuff ,like toilet roll, beans, bread, biscuits, milk, cheese etc.
I'd much rather go there for bits and pieces than brave the big supermarkets.

The guidelines seem pretty clear to me: stay at home; save lives.

Selfish people will continue to act in their own interests though. They wont listen to reason or science, so no point getting worked up about it. Sadly the only thing that will make some people get it is if they or someone they know gets covid 19

Someone on another post said they went to 3 different shops looking for garlic bread, and I was pretty aghast at that.

I've not been to a shop for 2 weeks. Managing with that we have and baking bread and managed to get a top up of milk and fruit etc from Amazon a few days ago. I am really looking forward to doing a big shop I have to admit, but won't go until we desperately need it.

one guy.came out openly carrying a bag of maltesers and a 2 litre bottle of coke and once inside there was a fella who definitely needed a good wash carrying a large crate of cider

Fkn ell, not only are we judging what somebody is buying now, we're cats bumming at whether they look like they've had a good enough wash to go in a shop?!
This place makes me laugh lol

"Would you begrudge them if that person had the virus?"

In that case they shouldn't be out anyway and it doesn't matter what they're shopping for. Unless carrying bread and milk makes you less contagious.

Thank her, on behalf of everyone when we get a full lockdown enforced rigorously with NO deviation.

I have no problem with people buying treats for themselves in conjunction with essential shopping.

I needed soap yesterday so while in superdrugs I picked up some extra skin care stuff I've run out of and a face powder and primer.

I wouldn't have gone out just for them though I ran out of that stuff over a week ago and just waited til I needed to go for something essential.

Superdrugs have signs up and markings and say they're happy to serve non essential goods but shoppers must abide by the 2m rule and they wont be replenishing make up stocks in store once it's gone until the crisis passes.

Personally, I think essentials are food items you need to have for three regular meals a day, and snacks (albeit some will chose fruit, some will chose more of a treat - chocolate!). Also, items to keep your family, clothes and house clean and pet food. If you're genuinely doing a main shop, then although not essential, most of us will be adding the odd cake or bottle of wine.

Tescos is nearest to us and I'm shopping for Mum as well, but struggling with three items for some products between us and others not being available so I'm tending to go every 5-6 days, would rather it was more like 7-8 days. The only other times I'm going out are for exercise and my one day a week essential job.

My mum turned up at my door yesterday and demanded to borrow my hoover! 🙄

We all interpret what is essential differently. Fresh salad wilts after a couple of days so I do go every other day approx, and we have no freezer and only a tiny fridge (temporarily in rented) I actually think having garden centres open would be a good thing as people would have something to do that's not inside

Everyone is different.
Some people need items in their diet that others don't. Some people need to do little and often exercise and others can make do with a short burst.
Items such as clothes are not essential to be buying right now for most but (example) if you're pregnant and can't fit into last week's clothes, it's a bit cold to answer the door to the postman in the nude at the moment.
You just need to assume everyone's got it and wash your hands as soon as you touch anything they likely touched.
But the other side of the coin is, we only get one life and some people at the end of theirs are trying to live it to its full potential.

@okiedokieme you'd happily let staff be at risk then?