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Original poster

Feeling like a bad mum?

32 replies

MummyNeedsWineNow · 30/03/2020 22:25

Until coronavirus, I thought I was an ok mum. Not great, not bad, just kind of 'fine'.

Now I feel crap! Every day on TV and social media there's pictures and stories of children doing amazing home schooling - learning Spanish, home baking, doing maths challenges, conquering Everest (well, almost!).

I just feel so useless.

Today I felt quite good because I managed to get DC off their computers to have a 10 minute run round the block. Got home (looking like I'd been dragged through a bush and sweating like and onion!!) and on the TV was a beautiful lady, perfectly made-up, with a gorgeous house saying how after a whole day of 'home schooling' (cut to videos of her children sitting beautifully at the dining room table) she takes her children (who barely look old enough to be out of a buggy!) for a daily 5k! (Yes..daily!!! And yes...5k!!! not 5minutes ... 5k!)

I give up :( where did all these amazing perfect parents come from?

Anyone else feeling completely inadequate these last couple.of weeks?

OP posts:
Piixxiiee · 30/03/2020 22:36

Yes. Just ignore them. Dont forget those not advertising something are just showing you a snap shot. You could have taken a photo as you left the house and posted it saying "just having a break after all the hardwork/fun activies etc". Also all the people posting photos of their kids with perfect craft activities... you know the controlling parent did them dont you?Grin

Do what you can. I'm a teacher. I've got 2 young kids who I gave colouring to and then proceeded to tell to be quite as i was desperately trying to finish a report on time. Seriously- fun mum- colour in silence and be still.... yeah we're all in this together, do what you can when you can. I'm doing no work tomorrow neither are the kids, I've decided I'm doing 2 fulltime jobs badly so I'm picking one! Being a mum.
Goodluck and dont look at facebook!

MysteryFrog · 30/03/2020 22:37

People only show on social media what they want the world to see, it’s not really an accurate portrayal of their lives! Being stuck at home with kids is really tough.

HoffiCoffi13 · 30/03/2020 22:39

Feeling exactly the same tonight OP. Mine are 6, 4 and 1 and trying to do a single activity with the older two without the toddler causing chaos is proving impossible.

BammBamm · 30/03/2020 22:42

No and yes to feeling guilty. I'm trying to juggle home working and children (4 and 6) so it's about survival. They spend too much time watching tv, films and on their tablets, but it's needs must. We've done some crafts, they played in the garden a lot last week and they we've played quite a lot of board games. It is what it is. It's been nice to spend time with them in the week as I usually barely see them.
There's no such thing as a perfect parent. We're all just trying to find a way through very strange and worrying times. I found coming off social media helped me quite a lot. Most of it is fake and comparison is the thief of joy after all Smile I am learning to be very grateful for what I have. It's easy to take it for granted when you don't really have time to think about it.

DJLippy · 30/03/2020 22:44

I just wanted to drop you a few lines of support. I dont have kids myself but I know what you mean about the "I've just learnt ten languages and baked a wedding cake!" brigade.

For what it's worth i dont think that most people are doing this. A part of it is social media posturing (it's a lot easier to talk about learning Mandarin than actually learning Mandarin). Another part is people trying to cope with all these plans and make some structure to manage their anxiety.
Dont worry about home schooling. What important is that your family know you love them and will protect them. You dont go that by constructing amazing learning plans.

Keep your chin up love your doing fine. None of us know how to react at the moment we will all be making mistakes and feeling like we are doing it all wrong.

Sending a virtual hug xx

TakeMeToChachacha · 30/03/2020 22:45

What you've described has been the hardest part for me. I have a 4 year old and 2 year old and their day looks nothing like what I see on Facebook. Some of the parents are on fire right now with their amazing, fun tasks. Although if you looked through my photo roll my children look like they are at a top rate Montessori. I don't bother snapping the oven chip and ketchup dinners or hours of tv watching or the fighting or me telling them to stop following me.
I am definitely tempted to come off Facebook though, it's not helping matters.

I just think of my parents' generation if they were going through this. I don't think they'd feel half as much pressure. So social media is a big part of the problem.

Doryhunky · 30/03/2020 22:46

I hear you. Some mums are rocking this lockdown and spending quality time enhancing their kids’ lives. Some of us are have to wfh full time and homeschool alone.

twinkletits99 · 30/03/2020 22:48

I'm a single mum to a 17 month old. Today we went for a long walk, had way too much screen time, I worked from home and left him to play with flour and water for an hour. Nothing special. Nothing like some of what I've seen online. Just keep going. Times are tough right now. Nobody is meant to be with anyone 24/7 other than mother's and tiny babies!

bumblebee1987 · 30/03/2020 22:50

This is me too! If it helps, both of my children (7yo and 11 month old) are still wide awake. I'm not convinced that either actually ate any fruit or veg today (it was offered, just not ingested!), both had waaaay too much screen time, and we did nothing remotely creative/instagrammable!

We're having a bad bad day Sad

SnoozyLou · 30/03/2020 22:52

Don't compare yourself to other people, particularly not "influencers". It's all bollocks.

Most of my friends on lockdown with their kids are talking about bringing the summer holidays forward. And wine. Lots of wine.

I've not seen one person say what a marvellous, productive fun-filled time they're having and how they're thinking of becoming a teacher when all this is done. Not one.

Original poster
MummyNeedsWineNow · 30/03/2020 22:53

Thanks all! :) Nice to have some reassurance that not everyone is perfect. (I am genuinely surprised though, at just how much great stuff all the parents round me seem to be doing. I know I should probably be pleased for them and their children that the home schooling is all going so well, and the children are all having such a great time, but I can't help but just feel really useless in comparison and wish I could go back to how things were - sending them off to school and feeling like I was doing just as good a job as everyone else!!)

OP posts:
twinkletits99 · 30/03/2020 22:54

Also, my son's sleep routine is so messed up. We had such a good routine. Childminder 3 days a week. Same activities on the other two weekdays. Play it by ear on the weekend (usually involves trips to friends of grandparents). Can't seem to wear him out so he's just sleeping whenever. I'm not worried. Honestly, I've found life so much easier since I've stopped worrying about what other people are doing.

Original poster
MummyNeedsWineNow · 30/03/2020 22:56

Bumblebee1987 SmileGrinSmileGrin

OP posts:
Msfoxy17 · 30/03/2020 22:59

I'd feel pretty happy with myself if I managed to get out for a run myself let alone with DCs in tow. I think you are being too hard on yourself.
I've found social media quite good for ideas for crafty things I'd never had thought of myself but so far have not actually done many as my toddler loses interest after about 5 mins (unlike Duggee which she'd be happy with for 5 hours!
Like someone else said you're just seeing the highlights.. I doubt there are really many (any) people out there filling their days with wonderful enriching experiences

WtfIsThisEven · 30/03/2020 23:00

The people who post all about their craft and Spanish all over social media are wankers. As if they actually spend all their time doing that. More like it’s just for the photo ops, and then mum spent the next four hours screeching about the glitter everywhere. Me? My son asked for help with his year 5 maths work and I had to admit I didn’t have a clue. Blush

eyesbiggerthanstomach · 30/03/2020 23:01

I feel awful too so you aren't alone. I'm trying to work from home with a 2 year old. He has cabin fever and is missing nursery but I just don't have time to do anything over and above the basics.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 30/03/2020 23:01

How old are your kids? Do you have a kinda vague routine? Me and DD haven't left the house since the 20th. We started a puzzle last week and it's still there with one corner done. There's been some schooling but I'm not actually having to work ,just do various online trainings and research. She's mostly on her ipad or FaceTimeing her best friend. Meh, she's happy and hasn't gone manic (YET) so it's all good.

Flowersmakemyday · 30/03/2020 23:02

My dd's are all adults now, I am so grateful this didn't happen when they were younger as I really couldn't have coped. Please remember you are doing your best, that's all you can do. Your child won't remember half of any of what they did or didn't do during lockdown. Do whatever you have to, to get through this. If that means letting them watch more tv than normal or giving them the cover off the bed to make a fort, just go with it and don't beat yourself up. You are all doing a great job.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 30/03/2020 23:03

Oh and we tried some crafty shit and both got burnt by the glue gun and i managed to glue my bottoms to the sofa...the bridge collapsed when the cat sneezed next to it. Grin

whymewhyme · 30/03/2020 23:03

Just remeber....its not real life, they act like they have these amazing picture perfect lives but its all for the gram!

Wanderingbluebell · 30/03/2020 23:04

I saw a lady taking her kids for a daily 5k on the news as well...mine don’t even want to leave the house for a walk!!

ShipshapeShore · 30/03/2020 23:06

I'm finding it hard and I'm a teaching assistant in my normal life! I think those kind of people aren't the 'norm' and they're either lucky and don't have demon children, very on top of things and like the challenge, crying and guzzling the pinot by 7pm, lying... I don't know. I guess some people are doing great and some thrive on this type of thing but as long as the children are happy, getting some sort of exercise, learning a bit and doing something a bit creative then you're doing OK which is FINE. Don't feel bad!

Morningshere · 30/03/2020 23:15

Social media life is completely different from real life....

Know it's not related but my brother & SIL are always gushing about each other on social media... How clever/creative/kind they are... In reality, they fight like cat and dog!

This mummy also need a wine!

Ps don't put yourself down - I bet your DC describe you as the best mummy in the world x

SallySun123 · 30/03/2020 23:23

So glad you posted this OP, I was feeling exactly the same. I’ve been bombarded by fun crafty suggestions for my eldest child but I have a baby as well and my health is poor so we’re basically just surviving and trying to cry less than 10 times a day each. Posting or sharing all this “fun educational parent” stuff just totally disregards the idea that some families are really struggling right now.

runrabbitrunrunrun · 30/03/2020 23:30

Get off social media!
Comparison is the thief of all joy!