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Original poster

Children going to stay with grandparents

39 replies

Jourdain11 · 28/03/2020 21:46

My gut reaction is that this wouldn't be allowed or okay, so I'm not going to give a really detailed scenario, but just asking for others' instinctive reactions also.

Say one parent is non-Corona ill and likely to be in hospital for periods, and it would be almost impossible for the other parent to look after the children at home at the same time. The grandparents (who live in another town and are in good health, not in vulnerable groups and so on) are happy to have the children to stay for a few weeks. Could this be acceptable?

Yes - it is okay, to save the kids from a distressing situation and the parent from wearing themselvea to a frazzle
No - because, just no.

OP posts:
CassieAuLait · 28/03/2020 21:49

Yes.
But everyone needs to have been effectively self isolating before they go to avoid potential cross-infection.

HatRack · 28/03/2020 21:51

Why can't the non ill parent look after their kids?

Original poster
Jourdain11 · 28/03/2020 21:55

It would be mainly to avoid the kids being potentially very stressed and distressed Confused

OP posts:
Starlive23 · 28/03/2020 21:59

I'd say yes, it's out of the norm and it sounds like not your every day scenario and let's face it, some things cant be helped.

PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 28/03/2020 22:02

Yes as long as no symptoms have been displayed by anyone in the family and they have been social distancing for at least a week. It's an exceptional circumstance, plus it's a block of two or maybe more weeks rather than going back and forth and lots of travelling and exposure. I'd send the kids with supplies though to make sure grandparents don't need to make unnecessary trips for them at least for a while.

Original poster
Jourdain11 · 28/03/2020 22:05

Yes - the idea was that their grandpa would pick the kids up in the car and take enough of their stuff that no back and forth would be needed.

OP posts:
ChipsyChopsy · 28/03/2020 22:09

I'd say it qualifies as an emergency.

Original poster
Jourdain11 · 28/03/2020 22:12

I'd say it qualifies as an emergency.

This is helpful, thanks! It's not an actual "emergency" but let's say an unexpected and unplanned for event. The children are also young (7, 6 and 4) and obviously won't be at school anyway.

OP posts:
LilyPond2 · 28/03/2020 22:19

Yes. I am also thinking that if non-ill parent does contract the virus, will stand better chance of not becoming a serious case if not worn to a frazzle.

negomi90 · 28/03/2020 22:21

Current visiting rules, mean that the well parent won't be in hospital anyway. No visitors are being allowed in hospitals unless someone is actively dying, in labour or a child.
The well parent should stay with the kids, if they're doing transport then the kids can be shoved in the car and stay in the car.

cantkeepawayforever · 28/03/2020 22:27

I think a once and once only transfer UNTIL THE END OF THE LOCKDOWN PERIOD would be OK, So children go to grandparents, and that becomes their home until the end of the lockdown period.

Parents are together when one partner not in hospital, and separate (one at hospital, one at home) when the partner is in hospital. Neither has any form of physical contact with the children until the end of the lockdown period.

What I don't think is OK is any kind of to-and-fro at any point until lockdown ends.

Jollitwiglet · 28/03/2020 22:30

Would you be planning on visiting the children?

I think if the children go there then to reduce the risk to everyone, they should stay there without visits. Wouldn't the children be stressed in this scenario anyway?

SE13Mummy · 28/03/2020 23:04

Yes - if it's a temporary almost kinship fostering arrangement which is in the children's best interests (mental health, physical health etc.) then it seems sensible at the moment. It will be important that you explain what's happening and why though as well as working out how they will make contact with you both if they're living elsewhere. They're all old enough to feel responsible for needing to be looked after elsewhere so all adults involved need to be able to support the same explanation and facilitate individual contact by phone/Skype or whatever. A transition toy that you have one of and they have a matching one of may be appropriate too.

Original poster
Jourdain11 · 28/03/2020 23:34

It is a difficult situation and I'm not sure what the "best" answer is, because there is really no "right" answer.

I feel like if they go, it's going to be better for them, even though it would be without visits and so on. If they stayed, what would happen if the parent at home came down with the virus really badly? Also, the unwell parent being in SI when at home is a big logistic issue.

I feel like on balance it is better (and less risky) to go and visit than to stay. The explanation and skype and so on is really important though!

OP posts:
Tootletum · 28/03/2020 23:38

Up to you really. Can you maybe leave it another week make sure no contact with anyone just to be a bit more certain they won't transmit to grandparents? Or is risk to parent greater? Only you really know the details so go with what you think is best from a risk/emotional pov.

Original poster
Jourdain11 · 28/03/2020 23:53

Yes, these are my kids! Smile

The basic situation is, I have a possible leukaemia diagnosis (although it won't be confirmed either way till next week) but have been told to observe strict SI for the moment anyway, on the basis of blood counts etc.

In a flat with no garden and only one bathroom (and three children), it is quite hard to maintain anyway.

The children are all well at the moment, but of course they could be incubating it.

Of course, I'm planning for something which might end up being unnecessary, but I feel like it is important to have the plan in place. If what I fear is going to happen happens, it is going to be logistically really hard to manage it with the three kids at home and in the current circumstances. It's not like one can arrange some emergency childcare or call on a friend to help for a day or two at the current time ConfusedSad

OP posts:
gggrrrargh · 29/03/2020 00:05

I’ve seen your other thread. This is an exceptional circumstance and you are managing as best as you can and you are not doing anything because you want to flout rules or be reckless. There is support available and you need it. Going to be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Original poster
Jourdain11 · 29/03/2020 00:15

Thank you for that. I'm honestly not trying to get round the rules or thinking that they don't apply to us. But my worry is that if there was a crisis, we'd actually have to end up making emergency plans which would be even riskier in terms of spreading the virus and so on.

And I'm also concerned with my children (and husband)'s mental health in what is already a stressful and upsetting situation for them.

OP posts:
PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 29/03/2020 00:24

It's an emergency and tbh a pretty shit situation all around. Their mental health is just as important as their physical health.

It's fine to have a plan B as long as you are prepared and organised for it, and it's better for everyone to have them settled,in one places rather than scrambling around trying to figure out what to do and possibly trying to figure out who to put first and how.

crimsonlake · 29/03/2020 00:41

My neighbour's have their grandchild staying this weekend as they normally so Apparently the rules do not apply to them, I guess they would sat they would miss her too much. Idiots.

Original poster
Jourdain11 · 29/03/2020 00:47

Yeah, that is unnecessarily risky (unless there is some very good reason that none of us know about). And maybe this is too much of a risk too? Maybe I should be thinking more about the people in Cornwall who could potentially be infected by my DC from London and the fact that there is only one hospital in the county. I really have thought about all these things a lot. But then I also think, what if DH is caring for the kids at home and he gets sick- what would happen? And (to be selfish for a moment....!) if they come down with it when I'm at home and I catch it? Because there really is a limit to how self-isolated one can be in a small flat all on one floor, with only one bathroom - no matter how hard you try!

OP posts:
Inkpaperstars · 29/03/2020 02:27

How awful for you @Jourdain11. I really hope this turns out to be a false alarm Flowers

This is the kind of important situation the exceptions are designed for, in my opinion anyway. If the grandparents can manage then it seems a good idea to me. Hopefully things will all turn out ok, but if they do get difficult I can foresee more risk from the dc staying in London. As you say it's hard to arrange childcare right now!

Wishing you all the very best

Original poster
Jourdain11 · 29/03/2020 08:19

Thank you. Yes, arranging childcare right now is an impossibility and who knows how long it will be before that changes? I just don't want to be one of those people who doesn't stick by the rules and puts everyone else at risk!

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 29/03/2020 08:25

Well we are exchanging DSC every other week and currently 2 weeks into isolation. Both houses are being v strict and we are 15 days in with no symptoms so presumably clear of the virus.

But we are quietly aware that this will probably be going on until May (France). So can you all cope with another 2 months of separation?

Sillyscrabblegames · 29/03/2020 08:29

Yes but you need to think through what happens if one of the GPS gets ill etc