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Original poster

Do I reduce DS's keep while he's on 80% pay?

95 replies

Makeitgoaway · 28/03/2020 10:39

19yo. He has some savings, doesn't spend his full earnings anyway and of course not much to spend it on atm. He hasn't asked for a reduction. He doesn't make any "savings" by not working, he walks to work and they provide his lunch.

Which means he's eating more at home. He's also doing some odd jobs at home, some decorating and the heavy lifting in the garden.

If it makes a difference he's also registered an an NHS volunteer and has been very good about complying with all the restrictions, absolutely not one of those young people I keep hearing about who are still put and about.. I suppose I feel like he "deserves" something

He currently pays £50 pw which is about 20% of his usual income and he pays for his own phone, Netflix etc

We're actually better off ourselves. WFH on full pay and saving substantial commuting costs. Although our pension pot has been decimated and we had been hoping to retire fairly soon.

OP posts:

Eleanorrrelephant · 28/03/2020 14:44

I’d reduce it

BunnytheBee · 28/03/2020 14:49

You said you are better off and he is worse off so yes I would reduce it or actually ask him not to pay anything. As for food, he’s your son and it’s a bit of food, do you really need to cost what he eats...

My parents never took rent from me or counted what I ate. I did try to pay back in other ways like paying for the food shop while we were out shopping (my mum doesn’t drive) or by paying things for the house but I never asked for it.

BaileysforBreakfast · 28/03/2020 18:07

Pocketem Imagine charging your own child rent
Seriously, why do people come out with passive aggressive shit like this? Every household is different. Everyone's needs and resources are different. Why would you try to guilt trip parents who need their adult children to make a contribution to household expenses, or who ask for 'rent' in order to instil the discipline of budgeting into their adult children?

pocketem · 28/03/2020 18:31

It's weird to charge your own child rent. Sorry if that offends you

BaileysforBreakfast · 28/03/2020 18:57

No, pocketem - it would be weird for you to charge your own child rent maybe, but you can't speak for everyone. Maybe use your imagination and think about - for example - a single parent who had depended on tax credits to keep their head above water and who loses that 'income' when their child starts work. Are you really suggesting that in those circumstances a working adult child should make no contribution and the single parent of that offspring just soldiers on carrying the whole burden of feeding another adult?

I think you must really lack imagination and/or empathy.

Dongdingdong · 28/03/2020 19:04

Shocked that you even have to ask!

Batqueen · 28/03/2020 19:05

I would ask him if he wants to have a conversation about a rent reduction in light of current circumstances. Let him propose what he thinks is reasonable. E.g if he can’t save as much at the moment you might prefer to accept less so he can save more, just let him know you are open to that discussion and you would like him to review his budget and come back to you on it.

Original poster

Makeitgoaway · 28/03/2020 19:50

Maybe is a cultural (class?) thing but everyone I know with young adult children takes some keep from their working children. I paid when I was at home and so did DH, so do all of DS's friends. I'm shocked to hear so many don't. The only family I know where the children don't contribute are the ones I mentioned earlier and those children are generally a nightmare all round on and out of work, no respect for parent or home etc etc..

It really isn't rent, it's a contribution towards what it costs for them to live here, mostly food and hour long showers.

OP posts:

Original poster

Makeitgoaway · 28/03/2020 20:10

Anyway we went for a nice walk this afternoon, he really is a fab young man, really good company While we were chatting I said "I suppose you'll be thinking your keep should reduce now you're earning less?". His response was "no, why would you do that? I'm eating a lot more at home" So that's that sorted. I'll treat him to something nice when this is all over.

OP posts:

NannyR · 28/03/2020 20:10

My parents were the same makeitgoaway, as soon as I got a Saturday job with decent pay, so probably sixth form, I paid board. They actually saved some of it for me without telling me and used it to help me pay for driving lessons.
I don't recall feeling badly done to or resenting them for it, I felt quite proud to be contributing to the household expenses in a "grown up" way.

HigherFinish · 28/03/2020 20:37

“I suppose you'll be thinking...”

Not really the kindest use of language though was it?

AnyFucker · 28/03/2020 20:38

Op, are you saying that lower class folk don't charge their adult offspring rent ?

HigherFinish · 28/03/2020 20:44

I thought she meant the other way round @AnyFucker.

Original poster

Makeitgoaway · 28/03/2020 21:34

I don't know really just different to me and almost everyone I know

It was fine Higher, he was fine. He is happy, even proud to pay his way. He knows he has the better part of this deal.

OP posts:

cstaff · 28/03/2020 21:40

Perfectly handled OP and ignore the begrudgers on here. Some people have some weird ideas. We were all charged rent once we started working which gives you a new respect for money earned. You learn not to expect everything handed to you on a silver platter.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 28/03/2020 23:03

There was no way you were actually going to reduce it. Could have put money on that.

I was also raised to pay rent to your parents but it was a percentage, so the money would go up or down depending on the wage.

Anyway, I’m alright Jack. Lesson learned.

Butterfly44 · 29/03/2020 10:04

Now you're stereotyping families that don't charge their children rent?? Unbelievable.

HalfTermHalfTerm · 29/03/2020 10:16

Imagine charging your own child rent

You are joking, aren’t you?

SunshineCake · 29/03/2020 10:19

My son has come home from uni and doesn't pay board but we have stopped giving him his weekly grocery money for obvious reasons. Even when he starts his job while at home we won't be taking any money from him.

He is doing lots around the house, he should be paid for that.

SunshineCake · 29/03/2020 11:59

I noticed that too *@HigherFinish

Class related ? Hmm, I was fostered by someone who was a cleaner and spouse worked in a factory. Charged me board the minute I got a full time job. PIL hardworking, financially sound - charged their kids a small amount of board plus made them pay for certain things I would never put on my child's bill. Us - dh proper middle class - not charging our 19 year old anything. Just heard him offer to cook out Sunday lunch so not sure where that leaves the thought process.

All bollocks. It is about the person you are not the class you think you are in.

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