Do I reduce DS's keep while he's on 80% pay?

[Makeitgoaway]

19yo. He has some savings, doesn't spend his full earnings anyway and of course not much to spend it on atm. He hasn't asked for a reduction. He doesn't make any "savings" by not working, he walks to work and they provide his lunch.

Which means he's eating more at home. He's also doing some odd jobs at home, some decorating and the heavy lifting in the garden.

If it makes a difference he's also registered an an NHS volunteer and has been very good about complying with all the restrictions, absolutely not one of those young people I keep hearing about who are still put and about.. I suppose I feel like he "deserves" something

He currently pays £50 pw which is about 20% of his usual income and he pays for his own phone, Netflix etc

We're actually better off ourselves. WFH on full pay and saving substantial commuting costs. Although our pension pot has been decimated and we had been hoping to retire fairly soon.

Greenbutterlfy566 Sat 28-Mar-20 11:09:40
I've heard it all now...
.....
How? The op asked a reasonable question. Obviously we're all going to have different opinions on the subject but the op is far from mean with her son and he sounds fine.

I think I would reduce it in this instance as he sounds like a lovely boy who is making an effort. I agree with Bringringbring12!

Unforeseen lower income that should state (sickness leave etc...)

If you can afford it, I would. It's nice to be nice and people can learn a lot from being shown kindness.

Don't reduce it OP. You're outgoings aren't reduced,in fact, they will increase with being home more. Like you say, it's a life lesson (and a valuable one).

I'm glad I'm not your child! WOW.

You could keep taking the usual amount but then put 20% into an account for him so he gets a bit of a lump sum when this is all over when he may be glad of it.

makeit I'm lucky in that I can afford not to charge him, and would, like you, only be doing it for the life lesson, but seeing him without any income at all over the winter while he was on a zero hour contract and not called in was difficult so we both agreed that he would use his savings that he had built up during the summer to pay for his car and shopping etc, and he would start contributing financially this March. I'm probably being soft on him but his dad died last year (and DS was his carer) and I had a breakdown, so his support and help was worth more than any money.

I'm really shocked at the number of people upset on his behalf. He's not in the least but concerned. He knows he has a good life.

I would reduce it

I don't understand charging your own offspring rent. It's not as if they aren't fully aware that they will have to pay when they move out, it's hardly a mind blowing revelation you've saved them from.

I think I'd reduce it because he sounds like a decent bloke he's been raised well and understands value for money.

But..... I would tell him. I'd put the £40 a month aside. Watch him carry on and do everything he's doing. At the end of the timeframe if lockdown (however long that may be!) I'd give him that money and explain why.

I'd reduce it, it's not an unreasonable question though. He's 19, clearly a lovely kid (well done) and he will know in the real world bills don't go down when your wage does, so he will know it's just something thoughtful that his mum has decided for him in a shit time. Nothing wrong with that.

Gosh that is hard AndNoneForGretchenWieners.

I wouldn't ask him in that situation, I'd probably have paid for his car and let him keep the savings, if I could! So I'm much softer I just know that on the whole, being too soft doesn't do them any good and have to overcome my natural inclination.

I’d reduce it.

I was wondering the same.

DS is on an apprenticeship (but well paid), has been furloughed, but even his furloughed wage is more than I earn doing two part time jobs.

My rent and bills have not reduced, in fact, with all of us here all day they have increased.

I think those who wouldn't charge their kids board, don't appreciate just how lucky they are.

Of course you should reduce it! He's your son and you can afford it

Why reduce it if he's eating more, in the house more, etc.

Why do a lot think it is an automatic reduction.

If he was in a flat paying his way they wouldn't reduce his rent.

Don't do anything.

You could leave it as is and at the end of all this give him an amount back to put in his savings.

Does no one see a correlation between the "lovely lad" and an expectation that he does his bit/pays his way?

Beggars belief you feel the need to ask.
At that age it’s just a token amount anyway so in these times I would be inclined to let the whole lot go personally.

Interesting that those who think it should reduce (or don't think it should be paid at all) are absolutely certain in their view, the others are up for a much more reasonable discussion.

I'd really love to meet all your children.

If he lost his job and couldn't afford the rest do you evict him?!

Anyway a 19yo old teenager is not the same as a grown adult man.

Yes Nixby I'm going to throw my son on the street for the sake of £50pw. That's not at all what this is about.

So, you usually take 20%
He is helping round the house
He has signed up as an nhs volunteer
Has been complying with social distancing unlike some of his age

What “life lesson” does he need to learn?

I think you have made your mind up already and will stick receiving the same amount. Whilst you are doing better financially working from home.

The only “life lesson” you are teaching him is “I’m alright Jack”.