How are you dealing with wfh and schooling? Stressed!

[Littlemiss74]

I’m feeling pretty stressed out with everything and I think it’s making me feel unwell.

Me & DH are working from home, he hates it and is very grumpy and snappy. I work half days and have one day off a week but this work my work has got busier due to the virus situation and I’m finding it hard to keep up.

Then there the dc’s 7 & 12 who are trying to do the online home learning. I feel like I’ve abandoned them and my little girl is starting to get upset. She is missing the routine of school i think and I just feel so bad I am not giving her enough attention.

My DH tried to sit and help with school work today but ended up arguing with ds and I was trying to work. DS is lazy and will do as little work as he can get away with.

I am in a vulnerable group so have been really anxious and my Dad has become unwell and can’t visit as he’s in care home. Am so upset and worried I’m going to lose him.

Me & dh are getting on each others nerves constantly. It’s just such an unhappy atmosphere and I don’t know what to do. My head is spinning and anxiety is high.

Please can anyone help and tell me how in particular you are coping with wfh and dc’s school work?

I would love to help but I'm struggling too - it's been really up and down this week. DP and I are both working from home too - he works full time, I have 3 p/t jobs which add up to 30 hrs and like your work, they have got busier due to the new situation - cancelling and re-planning activity endlessly. DC are 9 and 6, they have been great actually but it's not possible to really leave them to it for long, especially being cooped up like this.

I am starting work at 6am and working til 8.30am ish, doing 7-9pm ish in the evenings and trying to squeeze the rest in during the day around the DC. What is pissing me off today is that DP is pretty much working his normal hours and 'helping me' when he can and says his employer isn't being especially supportive. Yes my jobs are more flexible (they have to be or I wouldn't be able to do them) but it feels like while we're working like this the DC will be my responsibility and he will chip in where he can.

I had a rant today and he said he will ask his boss if he can rearrange his hours but wouldn't it have been nice if he could have thought of this a week ago? He asked how long I need during the day, suggesting "a couple of hours?" like it was a massive gift - imagine him doing his entire job in bursts of 2 hours at a time!!

Sorry not to be more positive, I've been hearing from other mums who are running themselves similarly ragged and have got hacked off.

Two disclaimers: I fully understand that I am fortunate to only have this problem and that frontline workers would much rather be at home with their DC. Also I know that there will be fathers who are actively juggling work while also entertaining and educating their children and coming up with a lovely weekly meal plan, and that I should have seen this whole situation coming 10 years ago and had the sense not to have children with him.

Hope tomorrow is better OP, you are definitely not alone and I'm sure your DC are glad just to be with you. We're not doing much home-learning, maybe ease up on that and do easier stuff, it's just about getting through the days at the moment. Have or or whatever you fancy tonight if you can.

Thank you @heidipi - your post made me smile! I am getting irritated with dh as normally I am at home in afternoons with dc and I have my routine. Now he’s here all the time and he’s getting under my feet😂
I just can’t seem to think straight right now with all the uncertainty around my Dad. Nothing else really matters except I do still have to do my job.
The teachers have said not to worry about how much school work is done but from things I’ve seen being said by other mums I feel like I’m not giving my kids the whole home schooling experience.

Not very well is the short answer.

DS(6) is a nightmare to motivate and DD(3) is in his face when he is trying to do work so that isn't helping (and my DD is not one for being distracted - when she wants to do something she does it, there is no arguing)!

DH and I are both working from home and stupidly thought 'oh we will just take turns it will be fine!'

It's not fine.

DD will pretty much only let me do anything, which is nothing new really so can't accept that when Mummy is working it will be Daddy reading stories/getting drinks etc. etc.

DS sees that his sister doesn't have to sit and do spellings so doesn't see why he has too.

Meanwhile both DH and I are swamped at work and trying to tag team them both.

I've admitted defeat today and changed my hours, so has DH.

@BriefDisaster what have you changed your hours to?

@Littlemiss74 well fuck the other school mums frankly . On the parents FB group on MONDAY there were people 'worried' that they weren't doing 'enough maths'. FFS.

Sorry that my rant was so long btw!

I'm letting them relax and do their thing. We've got weeks and weeks of this including two weeks of eater holidays.

My DC are being palmed off with tech. They're 12 and 14 and it's making me miserable.

I am resolved to get them up early and put for a walk each morning and to stick to my work hours. I have been working through my lunch break and past my end of day time.

I'm also going to be limiting tech to 6 hrs a day. I do realise 6 or over 6 sounds terrible but I have a very demanding job and a very demanding boss.

Terribly, and I am actually a teacher (though secondary, whilst my children are primary).

We are keeping things very light in terms of school work. First priority is keeping everyone fed and reasonably happy. Second priority is work, third priority is school work.

We are giving the children reassurance as and when they need it and sticking to things they enjoy or are.motivated by. This is a marathon not a sprint! Early days.

BUT - we are really lucky in that we both work PT (me 4 days, DH 3.5 days) so we only have 2.5 days where kids are less well supervised. My work is very very busy but also have a very understanding employer so DH picking up more slack at moment and I will likely pick up more as time goes on and work calms down a bit (hopefully).

I'm sorry to hear about your Dad by the way. A care home round here asked if children would like to make and send pictures or cards while they are off school, to cheer up residents who are missing having visitors. That definitely gave me something in my eye!
Maybe your Dad would like to receive some 'art' from his DGC

Give yourself a break.
I have tried to juggle all week, but gave up today.
I only work p/t, and my husband is f/t, but that seems to have translated into I do childcare and fit in bits and pieces.
Today I have not tried- I made effort to play, be around, go outside.

Can you plan the weekend? Some family time, some personal time for each of you? Some down time for everyone.
Just do what let’s you get through with sanity- ignore other mothers/ parents.
Your kids will be better for you being less stressed, and if that means screen time/ cutting corners/ whatever - just embrace it.

I struggle with the 2-4 slot. It’s just grim.

I’m a teacher- your kids need to survive with emotional resilience. If they haven’t explored quantum physics using household goods- really not end of world.

I honestly just don’t know how we’re meant to do it. I’m worried this is going to ruin my marriage and make dc really stressed, my dd was in tears earlier. Obviously I totally understand the reasons it is necessary but it’s bloody hard and I think it will affect alot of people’s mental health.

It's tough! I've worked remotely for nearly 10 years in my little happy bubble and now I have 2 boys at home and twice the amount of work (international news scheduler) I'm sinking fast. H isn't at all helpful and pretending to work from his local office leaving at 7 and coming back at 6.. I'm up at 4am working until 7 then again in the evening once the kids are bathed and in bed.. I haven't bothered cooking tonight! The house desperately needs cleaning and I've printed so many worksheets the printers self isolating.. I have no words of advice but your most definitely not alone.

It has been a struggle, finding the balance between screen time and A level studying is becoming the most stressful thing of being stuck at home.

DS and I agreed to work in shifts, I have the study all to myself from the early hours until lunchtime, after lunch time he has it for 3 hours and I get back for any work related pending stuff from 4 to 7. Eventually we will get there but the amount of pestering I had to do yesterday to get him back to task was unbelievable. Thankfully it has been a bit better today.

By not doing the schooling bit!
I’m a teacher (currently self isolating due to DS symptoms) and working from home to support pupils and families.
My DC get me for an hour to help with work, then they do a bit independently, then they play. 10 and 7.

@Littlemiss74 I've shortened my days to around 6 hours and also working in 2 hour chunks. Luckily work are very flexible (for now - if it carries on too long Im sure they might change their tune!).

I don't have dc so I'm aware it's VERY different (just a needy dog!) But as soon as home working arrived, dh and I set out a list of ground rules including who works where, when the tv can go on etc. Reviewing each weekend. It's early days but I think it's made a huge difference.

It's been hard here, I work from home anyway, DH has now joined me as have two kids (15&12)

It's exhausting trying to work, help kids, and get food prepared ( and sourced)

Feel wrung out tbh

My advice- plan your day with kids in slots

Go outside and have brain break

Work in shifts

I had to go out today or I would have lost it!

Remember to try and do something for YOU as without YOU chances are your family would struggle

Remember put your mask on first (poor analogy at moment I know 😂)

@Littlemiss74 I don't know how we're meant to do it . What do you think you have to do and why. You cannot work and educate your children and expect to do both to the same level as you and school did previously in the midst of global emergency.

@Griefmonster I completely agree with you. I just wish my DP's employer would share the load with my employers, who are currently taking the hit because I can't do the same work, during the same hours, while the DC are at home.

Do you have to do certain hours or just get your tasks done?

I'm doing:
8 to 9.30 me work emails and small tasks
9.30 to 12 focus entirely on 7yr old school work and manage to do most of it. I deliberately leave anything I know she can do without much supervision to the afternoon that I know she'll enjoy, like story writing or drawing etc.
Luckily my 12 year old is doing well managing his work and does 9 until about 3 with only occasional questions or popping through for snacks.
12 to 1 - we have lunch and I pop back on my laptop to check on things.
1 to 1.30 family walk.
1.30 until about 8.00 I do most of my work, stopping to make kids a quick tea.
It's working out ok after a rocky start.

My dd is driving me nuts. She's generally lovely and I always get glowing reports back from her school about her work ethics and general loveliness at school.

She's like a devil child when we try to do home schooling, won't take advice, always knows best, has a smart arsed response to everything I say, disorganised and won't ask for help and talks to me like shit.

Away from the 'classroom' she's lovely again.

I'm finding this so stressful, that and working from home.

Really sorry you're struggling. Me and DH both work full-time and currently both wfh. 2 girls aged 1 and 5. We take it in turns throughout the day. Someone works whilst the other completely focuses on the girls and schooling. That way the girls get our full attention whilst the other gets to fully concentrate on work. The shifts change each day depending on meetings etc. We're up at 6 and bed at 11 to fit it all in. 7.5 hours a day of work each with meals altogether. It's working really well, actually quite enjoying it! Never get to spend this long with our girls!

@heidipi you're bang on. The big block here is employers who are passing on the pressure to people with caring responsibilities. Too many employers are acting as if there is no joint responsability across society here. There are certain people who particularly need support - those who are ill, vulnerable, old and young. Employers should be freeing up resource to see to the emotional and physical well-being of those who need it.

OP, it's so hard isn't it. Me and DP both work full time and like most work has become ridiculously busy in the last couple of weeks. My children are have done a maximum of two hours school work each in total over the entire week so far (to be honest I think most of that was in the first day when things were still a bit of a novelty). We're lucky that they're old enough that they can entertain themselves for a while but already they're bored and I'm having to keep sending them away as I have to have online meetings, etc so I feel really bad.

DS is getting anxious about things so his behaviour is getting worse and I don't have the time to spend with him to reassure him.

I was wondering today whether anyone knows anyone in China, Italy, etc where they're further through the lockdown to get feedback on whether it gets easier. I'm just so worried that if it's already this hard on day 4 we're all going to be complete wrecks before we get through it.