My mother has just stomped off home

[NoProblem123]

I’ve been self isolating since last Monday with a SEN child with underlying health conditions. Stocked up and organised all good, and wfh.
Mum was flitting round town as late as Friday because she was ‘bored and there’s hardly anyone about anyway’. She has her own underlying health problems and lives alone with not much provisions so I obviously told her to come to me on Friday.
She’s ‘needed’ to go out every day since for one thing or another so I’ve drove her around and gone in. She’s got increasingly difficult since saying I’m OTT and I shouldn’t watch the news and starting fights with either me or DD. I’ve sorted Sainsbury’s click and collects so she can go and get them, she’s taken the dogs out for short walks to stay busy but she just couldn’t settle (although she normally stays at mine every weekend anyway).
Just now she’s asked if there’s any jobs to do so I said my DD could do with her bed changing (not desperately but if she wants a job). She caused a big argument with DD that she should be doing it herself, then packed up her car and left, to go home presumably but no doubt shopping on the way.
I’m sitting here crying now thinking I might not see her again.
Am I being OTT ? Is it ok for her to go home for a few days and come back ? She lives 20 mins away but won’t do internet shopping.
She’s nearly 70 😔

The pubs are closed so not sure what you are talking about.
When the pubs weren't closed, less than 72 hours ago, lots of idiots went to the pub because they didn't fancy staying in. Some did it to prove they couldn't be told what to do.

I understand OP, my mother is very similar.

I have to keep reiterating that no she can't come and see the children, we're in self imposed quarantine as I have a virus (possibly not covid but have to act as though it is) and she's in the high risk category myself.

Me stopping her visiting here hasn't deterred her from going outside though, she's still flitting to and from newsagents for cigarettes every other day (I did say to her that if she insisted on smoking then she would need to buy surplus to see her through isolation) but nope, she wants to porter aboit.

I spoke to her on the phone today and she's meeting up with her sister, also over 60 and vulnerable.

Some people cannot be told but we can control the part we play in that.

What you (and i) can do OP, is to look after ourselves and our dependants by not partaking in the carelessness. Tell her you'll see her in 12 weeks and mean it.

"Is it ok for her to go home for a few days and come back?"

No, of course not.

You don't live together & must stay in your own houses.

That must be so hard for you, but as you haven't self isolated yourself and you have a child with underlying health issues, now is the time to start.
Please don't take anymore risks.

OP I feel for you it’s difficult when you have a parent who’s living alone. I’m the same. My dads moved in with us for the foreseeable future but the difference is that he isn’t gallivanting around. If he were then I wouldn’t let him stay. Your mothers behaviour is putting you all at risk

It is incredible how many older people are behaving like this. Meanwhile they are moaning on about young people....

You are confused about what self-isolating involves, you have not been doing it.
Decide who is the priority, your daughter or your mother.
Your relationship with your mother sounds dysfunctional, but I’m betting it’s always been like that, and you’ve always been the one to give way, apologise and try to please her.
She needs to go home and not come back, and you need a backbone.

It is really difficult, isn’t it?

I said “goodbye” (for now) to mum and dad who live 10 minutes away just over 3 weeks ago (both 73 with poor health). We FaceTime. You haven’t been self-isolating, sorry.

‘You only get one mum’

As opposed to daughters?
It’s a ridiculous thing to say to justify prattling around and then claiming to be ‘self-isolating’ You aren’t even social distancing.

Let her go the selfish bitch, your health and family come first, 🤗.

She was out and about UNTIL FRIDAY when she came to stay.

I have taken her home everyday since to collect stuff - with me going in and using disinfectant on everything.
She hasn’t been out and about shopping since Friday apart from contactless collection and dog walk with no people about.

How are you all getting food delivered? I couldnt get any slots for her order other than collection.

Genuine question, is this what you think self isolating is?

I’m unlikely to see my

Bumm....
My 93 year old mum is very ill, my dad is 96 and frail.
It’s quite possible I will never see my mum again because I am high risk, so are they.
I can’t phone them because they are very deaf; I’m relying on my sister for updates as she helps care for them.
Very sad. No other option.

I think you’re both being irresponsible.
Self isolating is staying at home & no contact with anyone you don’t live with.
Your mum by constantly going out & you allowing her to do that is putting your household at risk. Your daughter if she catches Cv 19 would have to be in hospital alone, no visitors could she cope with that & express her needs?
Your mum is a grown woman if she wants to risk her life & everyon3 she meets that’s up to her, but if you ignore the risk & allow her contact with you & your daughter that’s your fault.
This isn’t a game . Time to be the grown up & really self isolate

Now that she has gone home that is it. You can't self isolate and let her back in.

Her moving in on Friday was one thing, we did the same with my SIL's children to allow her to keep working in the hospital without stressing about school/childcare issues, but now she needs to deal with her household and you need to deal with yours.

It's in or out, not in and out.

News just in from The Spectator:

"Imperial’s Professor Neil Ferguson has told the Commons Science and Technology Select Committee that his modelling suggests ‘intensive care unit demand will peak in approximately two-and-half to three weeks’ time’. And the NHS is now in a position to cope – if people stick to the government’s guidance. ‘There will be some areas of the country which will be extremely stressed but we are reasonably confident that at a national level it will be containable,’ he said."

Neither you nor your mother are sticking to the guidance.

You have no control over your mother's actions - I realise that - but you have complete control over your own.

Stay at home. Lock the front door. Don't let her in. If she has a tantrum, she has a tantrum. At least you would be doing the responsible thing. But start now.

This is all very sad and quite scarey

She was out and about UNTIL FRIDAY when she came to stay.

I have taken her home everyday since to collect stuff - with me going in and using disinfectant on everything. She’s ‘needed’ to go out every day since for one thing or another so I’ve drove her around and gone in.

That's not what your OP implied:

She’s ‘needed’ to go out every day since for one thing or another so I’ve drove her around and gone in.

But anyway, necessary travel only.

thats not self isolating.

I havent seen my parents since before half term when they went to Spain and came back sick. My daughter is in the highest risk so we have to self isolate as a household to give her some quality of life.

my family have not left the home for around 3 weeks already.

Im getting any kind of delivery I can. I have a sign on my door so people stand back from the door.

I open parcels on my doorstep, tip contents inside, pack the boxes straight into the bin (which I open with my elbow), spray the doorbell, come inside and wash my hands and the knife Ive cut open the packaging with.

We dont go out. This is self isolation

NoProblem123 don't give yourself a hard time - it's actually good your mum has stomped off home - at least you didn't have to be the bad guy sending her home for putting you all in danger. And you're more likely to see her again if she self isolates in her own home.

There are measures your mum can take to protect herself and others. My Dad is 85, I'm his only daughter and he is a widower and lives 350 miles away from me. He has been in self isolation for two weeks now. Neighbours are leaving packages of food on his doorstep for him - he emails them what he needs and pays them via bank transfer. He's in good spirits. You need to be firm with your mum, suggest ways of her coping through this and don't allow her back at yours again eh?

Why are people not getting this self-isolating thing yet?!

Yes wonky that’s why I clarified it - PP were suggesting she was continuing to pop in and out which wasn’t the case.

All other comments are spot on and I agree this isn’t a game. It was a risk her coming to live with me. She will now have to stay home.

I hope your mum is OK strawberry 💐

I have followed the government advice to the letter for the last 10 days due to underlying health. No visitors just essential deliveries etc. I haven't left my property.

Two members of my family are swanning about like lockdown doesn't apply to them. I haven't seen them but know they are due to communication with them

I have given one a piece of my mind and blocked the other, who is difficult (understatement) at the best of times.

Realistically, I may never see them again.

What part of "this could kill you" they aren't processing I don't know but I've given up.

My dil's sister is a consultant In a NHS hospital in London she is having to make specific decisions about who can use a ventilator, BECAUSE THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH TO GO ROUND NOW.

Tell your mother that on the phone , look after your own daughter like she should be looking hers and her grandchild.