My mother has just stomped off home

[NoProblem123]

I’ve been self isolating since last Monday with a SEN child with underlying health conditions. Stocked up and organised all good, and wfh.
Mum was flitting round town as late as Friday because she was ‘bored and there’s hardly anyone about anyway’. She has her own underlying health problems and lives alone with not much provisions so I obviously told her to come to me on Friday.
She’s ‘needed’ to go out every day since for one thing or another so I’ve drove her around and gone in. She’s got increasingly difficult since saying I’m OTT and I shouldn’t watch the news and starting fights with either me or DD. I’ve sorted Sainsbury’s click and collects so she can go and get them, she’s taken the dogs out for short walks to stay busy but she just couldn’t settle (although she normally stays at mine every weekend anyway).
Just now she’s asked if there’s any jobs to do so I said my DD could do with her bed changing (not desperately but if she wants a job). She caused a big argument with DD that she should be doing it herself, then packed up her car and left, to go home presumably but no doubt shopping on the way.
I’m sitting here crying now thinking I might not see her again.
Am I being OTT ? Is it ok for her to go home for a few days and come back ? She lives 20 mins away but won’t do internet shopping.
She’s nearly 70 😔

Your mum should be isolating at home.

You should be isolating at home.

Why is it so chuffing hard to understand.

You are complaining about your mother behaviour in which you are complicit. We have all only got one Mum. My kids have only got one Mum.

Okay no, you haven't been isolating you may as well have been out and about if she has been going in and out. It's good she has gone, keep in touch over phone etc and make sure she has what she needs, but if your little one has underlying health conditions it's safer if you are staying in, as you have been wanting to do.

Everyone only gets one mum OP , it doesn't mean you can put yourself and others at risk , you're not 'getting the danger' either

I havent seen my mum for 3 weeks. She doesnt live with me. Its very hard but there isnt one rule for you and one for the rest of us unfortunately. If you think you are self isolating, you are clearly deluded.

Just as bad as the other.

Your mum either comes to live with you properly and you all start self-isolating (because you haven't been doing it up to now) - which means that none of you leave the house. Yes, that includes collecting click and collect and dog walking.

Or she goes back to live in her own house and stays there i.e. she doesn't come anywhere near your house. Sounds like that might be the better option. You can stay in touch via phone/video calling.

Advice here about improving your attempt to self-isolate are sound.

I would like to address your anxiety that if she goes off on her own rather than staying with you following your attempt to self isolate that you won’t see her again.

Of course she is putting herself at more risk. And of course she is more vulnerable than most. But her flitting around doesn’t mean she’ll definitely get it and even if she does she still stands a good chance of surviving. Nothing is guaranteed. She puts herself and others at risk. But it’s not a forgone conclusion that it will end in tragedy for her. Try not to focus on that negative view of things. It won’t help you or your mother.

Click and collect and dog walks are not self isolating, especially if she's not respecting social distancing. She's gone home? Good. That's where she should be. Let her stay there. You can't have her back in your house if she's not sticking to the rules you insist he sticks to.

You're doing the right thing to leave her be. If you don't let her come back, it might help her understand how serious this is.

OP do you realise that each infected person can infect 3 others. If those 3 then go on to infect 3 each, after 10 repeats, 59,000 people could be infected.

If that's not enough to make you and your mother stop fannying around and pretending to be self isolating when you are not, then I have no idea what might make you realise. This is serious. Tell your Mum to stay in her own house and don't let anyone in your house who doesn't live there.

What a nightmare. This 70 year old is acting like a brattish teenager....Sh could be spreading viral load ..it is just way too much of a risk!
You will have to put your foot down and absolutely not allow her into your home ..Just unbelievable.
None of our family are seeing each other... not worth the infection risk.
How can someone of 70 be so wilfully naive?

If you are self-isolating, you lock the door and don’t let any visitors in. Either she comes and lives with you, or stays away. She can’t do both.

Do you not care about your daughter? 🙄

I feel for you I'm having similar troubles with my mum. She also lives alone, she's in her early 60s and in good health and she just doesn't seem to understand the severity of the situation. She thinks I'm over reacting. She asks and pleads with me to go and see her everyday and when I say no she says well please can you drop DD off (she's 2) and leave her with me for a couple hours. I feel awful saying no but there's not much I point in me doing all of this self isolating if I give in! She will still ask me tomorrow and the next day.... it's her bday next week as well and my DDs bday the week after! It's a nightmare I feel so cruel for doing it.
I saw that a 21 year old has died of CV with no underlying health issues so sent her the article before in the hope that it makes her realise how dangerous this virus is and she just replied telling me to stop going on social media as it isn't helping me! My OHs dad is the same and he does have underlying health issues!

I can’t let her come back I know.
I’ve been going round the house disinfecting doors, shopping, taps and she’s been picking fights and threatening to go home and it lasted all of 4 days and has been exhausting.
She’s normally at home watching tv anyway so I don’t know why she had such a problem with it.

She sounds like hard work and rather childish. I'm sure she's you're lovable and loving mum but if she's going to act like a child, you have no choice but to treat her like one. Of course you'll see her again! But only you can manage how you want self-isolation to work. You're giving too much power to your very thoughtless mum.

I won’t repeat what’s already been said but I would let her stay at her home.
Some people don’t show any symptoms OP. She may have it. Some people take 2 weeks after exposure to show signs of illness. Unfortunately she may already have given it to you.
My DD last left the house 8 days ago and I’m still panicking that she was exposed at school. We won’t know for any other week or so.
Don’t let her come back OP for everyone’s sake.

It's threads like this that make me convinced there is no escape from this virus.
Let alone the idiots going to the pub to make some kind of point.
The OP thinking that 'self-isolating' is what she describes and the mum just flitting around spreading anything she's got.
I genuinely genuinely despair. It's not as if the guidance is complicated.
STAY HOME
DON'T SEE ANYONE OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSEHOLD.
If you are self-isolating, food must be brought to you - wipe down packaging. Do not go out.

You need to be clear now in your mind that you have not been self isolating at all. Every time your mum went flitting in and out she has potentially caught it and passed it on to you.

Watch your daughter very carefully now for symptoms. Do not let anyone in or out of your house. Especially not your mum, since she doesn’t understand or doesn’t care about protecting herself or you or your daughter.

She’s normally at home watching tv anyway so I don’t know why she had such a problem with it.

Because she's clearly one of those people who don't like being told what to do.

My own mum could be like that at times when she was alive, it was hard work sometimes.

OP, it sounds to me like you and your mum are both very worried and scared about catching the virus. That's completely understandable. I expect most people, if they have older parents or any health problems, probably feel similarly.

If you take it seriously now, stop going out, follow the advice, you may find yourself a bit reassured. You have to take action to do what you can, sensibly, to reduce risk. Then, you have to try not to dwell on 'what-ifs'. Your mum needs to do the same.

Everyone is in shock, to some degree. Be gentle with each other.

We are all in this together. Hold tight.

OP, sounds like your mum is a bit teenager-ish..
I bet she will be whining and pestering to come round...but you must be strong and say no...
You can keep in touch by phone and what's app... Millions of people are doing this...She isn't alone!
It is vital we are all as careful as possible.
None of us like it..... but we have to do this. Social distancing is effective. Look up data from WW1 where places that practiced social distancing had far fewer deaths than places that allowed freedom to socialise.

Let alone the idiots going to the pub to make some kind of point.

The pubs are closed so not sure what you are talking about.

OP, if she wants to go out and about then she needs to stay at her own house, just leave her to it. Dont stress about it, she's a grown up making her own choices.

OP are you self isolating because you have symptoms or because your child is on the vulnerable list
If it’s the latter everybody else doesn’t have to stay in too
My daughter is type 1 so keeping herself isolated as much as possible but her husband still has to go out to work everyday.
Best your mum stays at home to minimise any risk the more people you let in your home the risk increases

P.S WW1 Spanish flu pandemic..

OP, it sounds to me like you and your mum are both very worried and scared about catching the virus.

How on earth have you reached this conclusion? It's the exact opposite. If they gave even the tiniest of shits they would be following the guidelines.