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AIBU: Do you think London will lock down before funeral

32 replies

FortunesFavour · 19/03/2020 18:06

Hi All

Similar to the wedding cancellation/Coronavirus threads, I have a sad dilemma.

My partner’s lovely mum sadly passed away shortly before CV infection reached the U.K. and her funeral and wake are next Friday.

We are in London, and in a borough with an infection rate in the top ten nationally to boot. Neither of us have symptoms and we’re staying at home as a precaution. Funeral is in his home town 2 hour drive away.

It would be stupid and irresponsible for us to go, we’d risk ourselves not to mention accidentally spreading it to other areas of the country from London. I know this. DP and family don’t seem to have grasped it at all. Can’t blame them really...they are consumed by grief and not paying proper attention to news bless them.

I feel a responsibility to raise it with them, warn them there might be disruption, talk to DP about the possibility of us not going or making alternative arrangements - highlighting the issue to them which they’ve missed while they are so distracted by grief if that makes sense.

But I worry it won’t be taken well, sticking my nose in when they’re having such a bad time. Plus how in earth can I not support my lovely DP at his mum’s funeral in his time of grief, or encourage him not to go. Aargh.

To be clear, DP and his whole family are really lovely, kind and considerate and we all get on well. They’re just floored by grief and not thinking straight.

I’ve raised it gently with a couple of them, but it’s a bit like water off a duck’s back. I’ll need to be blunt to raise the question of whether they should make it a smaller event, reconsider travel plans etc, which could go down badly.

But, it looks like London will go into lockdown shortly, so I’m wondering if I might avoid those difficult conversations as it will be taken out of my hands. I’m leaning towards this approach. But I’m not sure if lockdown would prevent Londoners like us visiting e.g the Midlands? Also will it happen in time for next Friday?

What do you think wise mumsnetters?:

YABU: I need to face up to it now and have those conversations with DP and family.

YANBU: Wait until Monday. London might well be in lockdown and we won’t be allowed to drive there anyway.

Thanks

Can I also add, I don’t mean to be glib about the circumstances we face or the terrible consequences of London isolation by raising it in connection with my dilemma which is nothing in comparison. I am fully on board with the severity and part of my concern is the risk we might inadvertently spread it if we do go. I’m just confused about what a London lockdown might mean, and trying to find a solution that won’t cause too much upset for DP and family when they are already going through such sad times.

OP posts:
FortunesFavour · 20/03/2020 15:38

Thanks Carol. Looks like the barriers are gradually coming down, but also looks like the PP who said travel restrictions out of London would be last resort, and I doubt they’ll come in by next Fri, but who knows.

God, what an awful and scary story Tango. My dilemma is nothing in comparison. Plus I’m starting to fear this will become a more common scenario and so many families will suffer. I also think it might impact scheduling for DPs mum next Fri - burial services are going to have to completely overhaul both for CV cases plus all the other causes of death that will still be going on.

How awful for everyone. Can’t believe I’m typing this.

OP posts:
FortunesFavour · 20/03/2020 15:46

DP spoke to his sister and brother this morning. Funeral director has told them numbers will be limited, but not down to immediate family only, there’ll still be around 20 mourners. They strongly recommended cancelling wake too, but family want to go ahead if they can, plus venue, caterers, local mourners etc all up for it. Madness.

DP stressed about London - Birmingham infection risk, CV in our borough (still shooting up alarmingly), risk to old/vulnerable etc. They barely batted an eyelid. “Of course it’ll be fine, we’ll keep our distance, of course you must come to the wake”!!!!

Astonishing - it’s like we’re living on a different planet!! I’m not
Sure if it’s the grief and distraction causing it, or is it more geography. It kinda feels like end of days are coming in West London. Do folk not feel the same elsewhere where infection rate a bit lower? Am I being a drama queen?

OP posts:
FortunesFavour · 20/03/2020 15:47

We definitely won’t go to Wake under any circs, but at the moment we’re under pressure to do so. We’re trying to protect them!!!!

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 20/03/2020 16:22

It's about minimising risk. I'd say of all the people potentially carrying viruses up there, you have the best reason.

Maybe have a look at the situation, take what steps you can to minimise the risk, then accept what will be will be.

And remember plans may we'll change before the day! My Diocese has sent out a letter to funeral directors today telling them what clergy are doing.

waltzingparrot · 20/03/2020 17:04

Can you quietly ring the venue and see what their current rules are. Would help you get ahead of the conversation to find out there's only say , 5 people allowed. Also check out if it could be live streamed.

picklemewalnuts · 20/03/2020 17:12

Well the wake venue may be closed now. Pubs and restaurants are. Church halls are.

CarolHasAnotherUTI · 18/04/2020 22:23

So what happened op?

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