Upset and worried about my friend

[Belinda79]

I think this fits more in relationships but happy for it to be moved to the Coronavirus thread if more appropriate.

So, I have a job that exposes me quite heavily to Coronavirus. I have young children and frail elderly parents and naturally I’m concerned about us all. But I’m in bed, sobbing my heart out because I have realised that most of all I’m scared that my male best friend won’t make it through. (My children are far more important but at less risk). He has no idea how I feel because I was scared to lose his friendship. I want him to know that I love him in case one of us dies and I never get to tell him. But I’m scared of humiliating myself or making him uncomfortable.

What would Mumsnet do?

Don’t people take crazy risks for love during wartimes because they realise life is too short? Today doesn’t feel too different in many ways. I’d tell him cause the worst that could happen is he tells you he doesn’t feel the same way but he is unlikely to be upset with you about it - so your friendship would probably be fine either way. And then at least you’ll know if it’ll work and if not you can start to move on

How can I say it without scaring him if he doesn’t feel the same?

Is your friend vulnerable to this?
If not, you’re being ridiculous ‘sobbing your heart out’, what about your parents and kids?

I probably won’t get to see him in person any time soon as we’ll both be working but in different places. So it would need to be by text or on the phone.

He’s vulnerable in the sense that he’s totally on the front line but he’s healthy. I’m less worried about my kids because so far Coronavirus hasn’t affected children. If it had I would be hugely stressed. My Mum is self isolating and I’m very concerned about her. My Dad is very sick already and I think it’s likely he will die in the next 3-6 months. I’m crying for my friend because I think he’s the most incredible human I know and I want him to survive.

Tell him via phone then. If it isn't reciprocated you can blame it on you being overly emotional re coronavirus and your parents etc.

But tell him.

But how do I say it without sounding like a complete weirdo?

I suppose I could wait until one of us catches it but then I’m reliant on him updating me often on the state of his health.

But how do I say it without sounding like a complete weirdo?

We're all a little weird, especially at the moment. If he's a true friend/ok person he'll just think to himself, erm, ok, that's a bit weird but whatevs.

Chances are he might feel the same way about you xxx

Thanks NoMoreDickheads. If that were true then I think I would be the happiest person in the world. I haven’t had great luck with relationships so suspect it isn’t.

How about just surrendering to sounding a weirdo and going with it instead of fighting it?

'I just wanted to tell you, because I'm so worried about my parents and other people that I love, and I'm worried about this virus, that I just love you and am just feeling a bit overly emotional tonight xxx'

How's that? He's got room to take it either way possibly???

‘Hey, we live in strange times, and this might seem a bit out of the blue, but I just wanted you to know you mean a lot to me. Stay safe,’ or words to that effect. See what response you get.

Both good ideas. Thank you. Feeling teary again now!!

I’m crying for my friend because I think he’s the most incredible human I know and I want him to survive
I’m sorry but what self indulgent behaviour, remember he shits like everyone else, you’ve put him on a pedestal which leads to disappointment.
Times like this should make you behave like an adult not a dreamy teenager.

Also shame for your kids that you think your pal is the most incredible human you know.

I won’t apologise for loving him.

My children are amazing. Of course they’re my priority. I’m just anxious about the man I love.

But I’m in bed, sobbing my heart out because I have realised that most of all I’m scared that my male best friend won’t make it through

I won’t apologise for loving him

Oh the drama!
Are you usually so OTT OP?
Practicing writing a melodramatic trashy novel whilst actually being in isolation?
I suspect the story ends with a declaration of love and a happy ever after 🤣

Is he over 70 or with underlying health conditions? If not, I think you are being OTT about his chances of not making it if he were to get it and I say that as a person on the front line. I'm not worried about getting it, expect I will at some point but I'm under 50 with no health issues so should be fine if it happens. I do have parents over 70 though, that is where your concern should be.

How has it @Cinders? Not seriously I hope :(

Very over the top OP, he’s not vulnerable at all but healthy and young and if he gets it will likely recover after a couple of weeks in isolation. Tell him you love him or don’t, he may or may not reciprocate

Umm, so maybe it's just brought your feelings to a head that you want a relationship with him? If you feel it's suitable then just tell him? If it's not then I'd probably not... Tbf I'd not start a text msg as 'I'm more worried about potentially losing you than my children or parents!', as I'm pretty sure he'd be 🙄... But there's no harm in stating, I'm concerned for your wellbeing and I would like a relationship with you 😁

Given that 93% that get it do survive, you are being incredibly dramatic. Pull yourself together. If you want him, tell him

In what way @Cinders89? Can’t drop that bombshell and not expand on it!

There's a newborn baby in a London hospital who contracted it from its mother apparently.

OP life's too short - just do it.